Hello,
First a bit of background: my 84 year old mum was diagnosed with mild Alzeheimers a few months ago. She seems to have accepted her diagnosis and is on medication (memantine) which seems to be helping with anxiety. Until my dad died 3 1/2 years ago mum had never lived on her own and she really hates it. From the outside she copes fine, she has a cleaner and a gardner plus a network of tradesmen who she can call on to help her run her home. She's lived there for 45+ years and so has friends and neighbours who look out for her and call round quite frequently.
I have a half brother and half sister (mum is their step-mother) and they both get on well with mum. The problem is that all three of us live at least 150 miles away from mum (in opposite directions!) My husband and I see mum once a fortnight (alternating between visiting her and having her to stay), and my brother has her to stay for a week every few months.
Mum came to stay with my husband and me just before Christmas (she has done first with dad, and then on her own, every year since we got married) and will be here for another week. It is lovely to see her relaxed and not worrying. But now she is starting to make lots of comments about how she'd love to stay here and move in with us.
I really don't think it could work. My husband and I both work full-time, so we are out of the house at least 11 hours a day. Mum doesn't know anyone here except for us and a lot of things I've read seem to suggest the best thing is to keep someone in familiar surroundings for as long as possible. It is one thing to have mum to stay for a couple of weeks at a time, but I really don't think I could cope if she were here full-time and I can imagine myself getting very resentful.
Does this make me an awful daughter? I really do want what's best for her, but I'm pretty certain moving here isn't the right thing. I'm already dreading the day we have to drive her home as I know she will be miserable - even though we will be back to visit her within a fortnight. Help - how do we know what the right thing to do is? Where is the life-manual for this?
Thanks for listening.
First a bit of background: my 84 year old mum was diagnosed with mild Alzeheimers a few months ago. She seems to have accepted her diagnosis and is on medication (memantine) which seems to be helping with anxiety. Until my dad died 3 1/2 years ago mum had never lived on her own and she really hates it. From the outside she copes fine, she has a cleaner and a gardner plus a network of tradesmen who she can call on to help her run her home. She's lived there for 45+ years and so has friends and neighbours who look out for her and call round quite frequently.
I have a half brother and half sister (mum is their step-mother) and they both get on well with mum. The problem is that all three of us live at least 150 miles away from mum (in opposite directions!) My husband and I see mum once a fortnight (alternating between visiting her and having her to stay), and my brother has her to stay for a week every few months.
Mum came to stay with my husband and me just before Christmas (she has done first with dad, and then on her own, every year since we got married) and will be here for another week. It is lovely to see her relaxed and not worrying. But now she is starting to make lots of comments about how she'd love to stay here and move in with us.
I really don't think it could work. My husband and I both work full-time, so we are out of the house at least 11 hours a day. Mum doesn't know anyone here except for us and a lot of things I've read seem to suggest the best thing is to keep someone in familiar surroundings for as long as possible. It is one thing to have mum to stay for a couple of weeks at a time, but I really don't think I could cope if she were here full-time and I can imagine myself getting very resentful.
Does this make me an awful daughter? I really do want what's best for her, but I'm pretty certain moving here isn't the right thing. I'm already dreading the day we have to drive her home as I know she will be miserable - even though we will be back to visit her within a fortnight. Help - how do we know what the right thing to do is? Where is the life-manual for this?
Thanks for listening.