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Mum doesnt recognise me, or believe I'm her daughter

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
572
She didnt know why she was there with the door wide open, said she's looking for us all. This has never happened before, this is something new.
Hi @MrsV, I'm just catching up on your post, the lack of recognition is one of the most difficult things to deal with. The latest development must have been shocking and frightening to witness, I feel for you. Have to checked to ensure that at the moment she has no underlying medical issues e.g. a UTI, that might be causing increased confusion? Assuming that there is no underlying medical issue that does become a safeguarding issue with Mum. It may be worth exploring additional measures like alarms on the doors and cameras. When my Mum started wandering on her walking frame (as she no longer recognised her own bungalow) that was a line in the sand and we agreed to look at residential care, and actually Mum was far more content and assured in residential care, even though she had resisted it at her earlier stage of dementia - at that time she was having four home care visits a day (and me attending in the afternoon). I really feel for you as it is such a worry. Stay strong and keep posting.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,137
To be honest with you MrsV, after reading your latest post it sounds as if you are getting to the point where your mum does need someone with her 24/7. And as I said, that probably means a care home. It is always difficult when you reach this stage, and need to make a big change in the type of care.

My mother had carers in for 5 hours a day (self funded) but even that was not enough. She was fine when they were there - perfectly happy - but as soon as they left she was scared, she had no idea when someone would come back again. She would leave the house to try to find 'someone', and that put her at risk. She would go out in the dark, in the rain, with no coat and no keys, and that was what prompted me to start looking at care homes.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
993
@Mrs V, is your mum self-funding? If she is it does sound like she is at the stage of needing to move to a care home. Even with carers coming in and you being there a lot, there are times when she'll be on her own and vulnerable. If she isn't and you are having to get Social Services to fund things, I'd be contacting them to tell them the latest developments. It could well be that your mum has a urinary tract infection or similar and is more confused than usual, or it could be things have moved on.
This is such a difficult stage. I was going through similar at this time last year, and I used to dread the phone ringing as I never knew what was going to greet me.
 

MrsV

Registered User
Apr 16, 2018
145
Northamptonshire
T
To be honest with you MrsV, after reading your latest post it sounds as if you are getting to the point where your mum does need someone with her 24/7. And as I said, that probably means a care home. It is always difficult when you reach this stage, and need to make a big change in the type of care.

My mother had carers in for 5 hours a day (self funded) but even that was not enough. She was fine when they were there - perfectly happy - but as soon as they left she was scared, she had no idea when someone would come back again. She would leave the house to try to find 'someone', and that put her at risk. She would go out in the dark, in the rain, with no coat and no keys, and that was what prompted me to start looking at care homes.
Hi Sirena,
Thank you Sirena, Oh my, your poor Mum, that must've been worrying her out in the street with no coat etc. I think I have to agree with you, yesterdays events were very worrying. I went to Mums last night to make her dinner, and again this morning to make breakfast. Again Mum was standing at the front door, in the dark and cold again in her nightie, looking for someone. Will ask the GP about checking for UTIs, as suggested. Meeting with the carers agency next week to discuss carer visits (as arranged by SS). We haven't had a financial assessment as yet, still waiting for that. I will raise the issue with them, and see how it goes with the carers - that is if Mum allows them in the house. thanks for the advice everyone.
 

MrsV

Registered User
Apr 16, 2018
145
Northamptonshire
H
@Mrs V, is your mum self-funding? If she is it does sound like she is at the stage of needing to move to a care home. Even with carers coming in and you being there a lot, there are times when she'll be on her own and vulnerable. If she isn't and you are having to get Social Services to fund things, I'd be contacting them to tell them the latest developments. It could well be that your mum has a urinary tract infection or similar and is more confused than usual, or it could be things have moved on.
This is such a difficult stage. I was going through similar at this time last year, and I used to dread the phone ringing as I never knew what was going to greet me.
Hi Sarasa,
thank you. We don't know yet if Mum will be self funding, we are waiting for the financial assessment. I'm just surprised how quickly things have progressed, over the last few weeks. We thought we were a long way off a care home, but it looks like that could be something we need to consider now. thanks for the advice