Not quite sure how to tackle this one. Some background info: I have always kept in touch with Mum and Dad as they are only 20mins away but I have made a point of visiting them 2-3 times a week since before Christmas. Dad needs support and Mum's dementia is growing worse each week it seems. They are both in their 80s.
We have always been a close family. It was obvious just before Christmas that she no longer knows who I am. I have accepted that. I know she is no longer the Mum I know but I still love her so much and do whatever it takes to help both her and my Dad. Every Wednesday I make a pudding at home to take to them on a Thursday. I spend the whole day there on a Thursday and always make something like a shepherd's pie or chicken casserole while I'm there. She will stand right next to me watching and wiping around me as I work. I also do a load of cleaning etc. Sometimes Mum is happy to see me, sometimes I am treated as a stranger. But last week she actually said to me 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you been here before?' This actually came as a shock because although I know she no longer knows me as her daughter I thought she was remembering me visiting as it is so often. I always wear the same clothes and wear my hair the same. She always recognises my handbag so I always use the same one. But my question is this:
How do I answer her? Do I just say, 'Yes, I've been before' and leave it at that? I have tried explaining that I'm her daughter and even taken her into another room to show her a photo of Dad and I together. It is met with blank looks. I always call her Mum and make a point of doing so. But I don't think she knows what 'Mum' is or even what 'daughter' is. So if I say 'I am your daughter' it means nothing to her. I am just concerned that when I arrive she will see me as a new person each week and a stranger. And all the new relationship building I've done as a 'carer' rather than a daughter will be forgotten. I'm not sure of the best way to handle it.
We have always been a close family. It was obvious just before Christmas that she no longer knows who I am. I have accepted that. I know she is no longer the Mum I know but I still love her so much and do whatever it takes to help both her and my Dad. Every Wednesday I make a pudding at home to take to them on a Thursday. I spend the whole day there on a Thursday and always make something like a shepherd's pie or chicken casserole while I'm there. She will stand right next to me watching and wiping around me as I work. I also do a load of cleaning etc. Sometimes Mum is happy to see me, sometimes I am treated as a stranger. But last week she actually said to me 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you been here before?' This actually came as a shock because although I know she no longer knows me as her daughter I thought she was remembering me visiting as it is so often. I always wear the same clothes and wear my hair the same. She always recognises my handbag so I always use the same one. But my question is this:
How do I answer her? Do I just say, 'Yes, I've been before' and leave it at that? I have tried explaining that I'm her daughter and even taken her into another room to show her a photo of Dad and I together. It is met with blank looks. I always call her Mum and make a point of doing so. But I don't think she knows what 'Mum' is or even what 'daughter' is. So if I say 'I am your daughter' it means nothing to her. I am just concerned that when I arrive she will see me as a new person each week and a stranger. And all the new relationship building I've done as a 'carer' rather than a daughter will be forgotten. I'm not sure of the best way to handle it.