Mum does not understand or accept diagnosis how can we get support?

rmch1

Registered User
Oct 23, 2014
2
0
My mum was diagnosed a couple if weeks ago. With vascular dementia. She is 75 and has always been fiercely independent and protective of her privacy. She has been confused aggressive goes wandering and expresses paranoid and delusions. She does not accept the diagnosis, lives on her own and will not accept any help. She has been assessed by mental health team and a care manager who all say they cannot help if she refuses to accept it. They say the only option if she wanders off and we can't find her is to inform police and hope she is sectioned. This seems very hard.
She will not give any of us children poa. She has been prescribed respirodil which helps when she takes it but she is very erratic with it. We are desperate to help her what can we do?
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
We never were able to tell my mother she had Alzheimer's as she would get agitated as soon as the word was mentioned. She did accept that her "memory isn't as good as it used to be".

About the PoA, perhaps using the tack that the government might decide to step in? i believe there have been various instances in UK newspapers about government bureaus taking action so using those as examples might encourage your mother to select who she wants as PoA, rather than have "the government" doing it for her.

P.S. You could say that having the PoA set up would be simply to thwart the government from stepping in and not for anything else.
 
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Benrese

Registered User
Apr 12, 2014
184
0
Lancashire
I really feel for you! It's so difficult, isn't it? Our father has Parkinson's and Dementia and his wife (our step-mum) has vascular dementia at 70, and is not even formally diagnosed due to complete and utter fear/denial.

She is also in the home, roaming there by herself and her doubly incontinent dog. :(
Her short term memory is in complete tatters.

We have been told she may need to end up being sectioned in order for family to step in to help.

I hope you get some helpful answers.
 

ASH74

Registered User
May 18, 2014
294
0
Hi I can offer nothing but sympathy....my FIL wasn't taking his meds, early morning wondering, repeated falls, not eating, paramedics, trips to a&e, not washing, adult safeguarding, refused POA, refused care package, refused everything! Denied any diagnosis, we took his car as he was told not to drive. We talked about getting deputyship but in reality we were told by CMHT that he would need to be sectioned to move the situation forward.....so we have got him as safe as we can and on the advice of CMHT have taken a step back. ....it is really hard! Sorry!


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rmch1

Registered User
Oct 23, 2014
2
0
Thanks for your posts still managing to cope but at least I know we are not the only ones in this situation thank you
 

CaptainQuark

Registered User
Feb 12, 2015
3
0
UK/Australia
Sadly, denial seems to be a common factor. My Father refuses to accept that he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and firmly believes that he just has a bad memory due to 'old age'.

Whether from sheer bloody-mindedness or because he honestly didn't believe it would ever come to that, he didn't put any PoA in place. I had to drag the issue through the Australian courts in order to be appointed his guardian. I know this is of little help to you in your present dilemma, but you should use this situation as a hurry-up to put your own safety nets in place and get a PoA ready in case you need it somewhere down the line.
 

sinkhole

Registered User
Jan 28, 2015
273
0
I am in the same situation with my aunt. She lives alone, won't let anyone into her house, won't go to the GP, has been to the memory clinic once and now refuses to go again, won't take any form of medication, believing that her 'natural cures' will sort everything out, refuses to accept she even has a bad memory or that her health might be at risk the way she is living.

I have done as much as I can to keep her safe and monitor her movements from day to day, but it seems I will have to wait for a crisis now before we can get her in an environment where she can be properly looked after.

There's a grey area between looking after yourself and having to be looked after and that's where we are. Don't beat yourself up but keep trying to get a POA done as this will help you look after her later.