My mum didn’t recognize me yesterday. I am now a confused mush of emotions. Firstly, shock. I don’t know why - I should have been expecting it. But not this fast. And no warning. How long has it been really? Second, guilt. How did I not realize? Why didn’t I make more of the time we had? Third, jealousy. That she recognizes others but not me. Linked, shame. How can my own mum forget me? I hate that I am the first and It hurts so bad when she confuses me in-front of friends and family. Lastly, loss. An unbearable dread that there is no going back. I am on my own. Foreboding - how hard is the future going to be when she doesn’t know me?