mum crying, dad depressed, illness affects all

[annii1]

Dad found mum crying in garden at carehome. She had obviously had dreams, hallucinations, very muddled. Staff are good they were trying to reassure her. Mum forgets when we visit. Dad now feeling so low that she is there, he is going to visit every day to see if it makes a difference. Visits are so harrowing as all mum says is she wants to go home. My way of coping at the moment is not visiting for a while,I'm not proud of it but I upset mum, I try to be strong but her crying, anger makes me cry too and it unsettles mum even more, and it makes me ill. Mum does seem to have good days and bad, I imagine this is normal with altzheimers and vascular dementia? She was the same at home, very unpredictable and I suppose the medication can only help so much! This illness has totally changed all of our lives. It is awful that my lovely mum is suffering in this way and I am worried about dad again now, he feels so guilty mum is there. He has battled 2 forms of cancer in the last year and he is getting very depressed.

 

[marionq]

Is your Mum this depressed when none of you are present? Have you spoken to staff? Chances are when she is with other people her spirits are lifted but when she sees her family she is more aware of her situation. Could you and your Dad go alternately to visit her with slightly longer gaps in between? Many posters to TP suggest that you need to back off a bit to allow people to settle.

 

[annii1]

Mum can be settled in between visits, it has taken nearly a year, but I think this illness is so unpredictable she has days when she suffers more with hallucinations and days when she appears calm and I wouldnt say happy as I think dementia has taken the happiness away but maybe a little more content

 

[angecmc]

Hi just a thought, have you tried visiting at a different time of day? My Mum was settling nicely until a few weeks ago, when she suddenly reverted back to the agitated angry state she was like in her early days, I have found if I visit in the morning instead of the afternoon, I more often get a better visit. I have put it down to the fact that she has been on aricept for over a year now, I believe it sometimes only works on people for 6months to a year. I think when it gets to about 3pm my Mum starts to sundown, its what she used to do when she was at home. Xx

Ang

 

[cragmaid]

Is Mum on anti depressants at all? They did ( after a few weeks ) help Mum.

 

[PaddyJim]

Empathy

I really feel for you. I know exactly what you are going through as many people on TP do. My mum presents in a very similar way. This illness is so cruel. I have learnt to take it one day at time and take each visit as it comes, savour the good days and learn to accept the bad. I hope things improve for you.

Best Wishes.