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Mum coming to the end of her journey

Risa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2015
481
Essex
I knew that one day I would be posting in this section but didn't really expect for things to happen so fast. Two weeks ago Mum started to constantly pee herself (more than usual). So we thought UTI, got a district nurse to visit and Mum was given antibiotics. Mum perked up at the weekend but last Monday was extremely 'out of it' and Dad couldn't get her to move, she had become very rigid. As Dad had the flu bug, my sister and I went around to help get Mum ready for bed but as she couldn't get up the stairs, we made up the sofa bed in the living room for them. However Mum's legs gave way and she collapsed so we called 999 and got an ambulance out. After literally 24 hours in A&E the hospital found Mum a bed as Mum was now showing signs of having a chest infection (which then turned into pneumonia).

We are super lucky that our hospital has recently opened a separate building away from the main hospital and this ward is specifically for dementia/elderly patients who will not be given life-saving care. It is so different from a general ward - a cross between a hospice and a cottage hospital. No machines with loud beeps, visitors can come and go as they please, families can stay overnight and people can bring their pets to visit loved ones. There is a kitchen for people to help themselves to refreshments, food is provided for visitors if they are staying a long time and there is a lovely conservatory for people to sit in to get away from the hospital beds. There is also a little pet therapy dog to bring comfort to patients (and visitors!). All the staff are dementia aware and so kind.

So Mum was on a drip for fluid and antibiotics and the last time we were able to feed her was Tuesday evening. However despite their best attempts, the Dr decided on Sunday that it wasn't fair on Mum to continue as she is not responding and can't swallow. So today she is in a private room with a syringe driver full of morphine and anti-anxiety meds to keep her comfortable. We arranged for Mum's older sister to travel down from Cambridge today to say goodbye as Mum could pass at any time.

It's funny how quickly things have changed. A couple of weeks ago we had finally persuaded Dad to accept having carers come in to help with washing/dressing Mum and he had also made an appointment to try Mum again with daycare (this time in a carehome). However none of this came to pass as then Mum got her first UTI and everything snowballed.

Don't really know how to feel. As a family we have been saying for a long while now that we don't want Mum to go on as her life was full of anxiety and wanting to be with her parents. We do want Mum to be at peace and out of the grip of this cruel illness but now that it is coming to an end, it does feel like time is speeded up. I guess no matter how much you think you are prepared for it, you never really are. :(
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,557
Kent
Same for dad last year I could see him living in the advanced stage for a long while and then suddenly sepsis and a stroke intervened and end of life came about in 2 weeks. We are prepared as we know that dementia will bring about end of life but it is still a shock when that time arrives. It sounds a lovely peaceful environment for your mum and that everything is being done for her to keep her comfortable.
 

worried2

Registered User
Aug 1, 2010
27
Thinking of you and wishing you strength. Even though you are expecting to happen at some point, the end is still a shock. Maybe it is just a little easier to accept when someone has been suffering this dreadful illness for a long while. The hospital and the staff looking after your Mum sound wonderful; remember to take care of yourselves too.
 

Babymare01

Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
315
Hello there

I hope you can feel my arms round you hugging you. Wishing you strength in this sad time.

xx
 

hilaryd

Registered User
May 28, 2017
84
Wishing comfort to you and a peaceful passing to your mum. Nothing can make it easy, but sounds like she's getting the very best care.
 

malengwa

Registered User
Jan 26, 2017
258
Wishing you peace at this limbo time. My mum went down rapidly too, starting with repeat utis.
Despite being lad she didn't have long drawn out suffering, I miss her terribly.
Be generous to yourself too.
 

Soobee

Registered User
Aug 22, 2009
2,733
South
I hope your mum remains peaceful and comfortable. The separate section in the hospital sounds great, I wish all hospitals had them.
 

Risa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2015
481
Essex
Many thanks for your kind words and support, it does mean a lot. Mum is still with us and we are spending as much time as we can with her. It's so weird emotionally - we don't want her to suffer and linger on but dreading it when she finally leaves. Have made funeral arrangements so feel calmer that things are in place.
 

Risa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2015
481
Essex
After 10 years of living with dementia, Mum finally became free of this dreadful illness this morning. She passed peacefully away and although we will miss her dreadfully, she was very much loved and we will think of the happier times now.
 

worried2

Registered User
Aug 1, 2010
27
Sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and hoping that you will find some comfort in knowing that your dear Mum is no longer suffering. Xx