Mum can't stand it any more

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Margaret W, Nov 10, 2007.

  1. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Dear all,

    After last week's problem with being pushed to the ground, we now have a new one.

    Mum is hearing voices calling her name. She has been mentioning this for a couple of weeks. Last week she told me to listen and tell her if I could hear it. Of course I couldn't. She has been going round the other residents asking if they can hear it, and of course they can't either.

    I have tried to tell her it is just in her head, but she won't have it. She gets angry with me "Margaret, I am not making it up, they are shouting me". Sometimes she says they are just muttering her name outside her bedroom door.

    But it is constant. When I took her shopping a couple of weeks ago, whoever it was had followed her to the shopping precinct and was shouting her name there as well.

    All that would be okay but on Wednesday she told me that she couldn't stand it any more, and would be on the lookout for some pills she could take that would kill her.

    Two questions. One, should I tell the CH staff and her GP? I would think so. Two, can anything be done to get these voices out of her head?

    I would appreciate anyone's advice.

    Love

    Margaret

    PS I do like those little messages that some people put on the end of their posts. Mine would be "It never rains but it pours".
     
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Margaret,
    It seems to be a common things that they hear voices or even see people. It seems to be another avenue of this illness that we learn as we go along that long path. I would mention it to the CH and G.P. It would give you a better insight as to how to handle it.
    I wish you all the best. Christine
     
  3. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    Hi Margaret

    Our family went though a similar thing, with the voice's we couldn't hear and the people we couldn't see. Yes mention it to the CH and GP.

    Second, from what we as a family went through, so sorry but we found there was nothing we could do about them apart from more/change of medication.

    Does you mother seem to know the people who are calling her??

    My heart is with you at this time my friend.

    Take Care
    Clare:)

    Ps please post soon and let me know how you are my friend.
     
  4. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Hi clare,

    No, mum has not said she knows who is calling her. She gets up from her chair and goes to look, and there is no-one there. Then we have the problem that someone else has pinched her chair!

    I bumped into someone last week who had not been in touch for a few months, and she said "Oh, it must be a lot easier on you now your mum is in a care home", and I sort of laughed and choked at the same time.

    New delusions, accusations of physical abuse, the Pensions people deciding to withdraw her Attendance Allowance with no notice or explanation, two more forms to complete for benefits I know she is not entitled to, lost glasses, lost teeth, someone sleeping in her bed and wetting it, lost clothing, no hearing aid batteries (don't know where to get them from, she had 18 in her drawer a month ago), £8 a time for trimming her toe nails, the chiropodist calls once every 8 weeks, mum's nails need trimming at least every week, who does her finger nails? somebody keeps removing the battery from her bedside clock, the underwear in her drawer is not hers, hers is missing. I have to go out and buy yet more new underwear. Easier? I don't think so.

    Sorry, feeling very down about it all. This business regarding voices is upsetting me and the fact she has said she will "have to do something about it it", and when I asked what, she said "I'll have to find some way of killing myself". And here was I thinking I had got her into a nice care home where she would be happy.

    I think it is me who needs the pills!

    Thanks for listening.

    Apparently I am not to read other people's threads at the moment, I am told by the Moderator that I am - hmm, forgotten the description he used - but basically I shouldn't be reading non-relevant posts. I feel very alone.

    Margaret
     
  5. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    #5 Brucie, Nov 10, 2007
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2007
    Moderator note:

    Apologies about diverting the thread for a moment.
    I made no mention of your being unable to read 'non-relevant' posts, and I dd not use those words.:)

    Just to clarify Margaret's concerns.

    Margaret, you misunderstood a reply I sent to a Private Message you sent me.

    I told you that you did not need to be concerned about the older posts you see when you 'trawl' Talking Point for specific information, should they contain information that is out of date.

    The word 'trawl' is one I used to compare looking for specific information in the same way as a fisherman may trawl the seas for a specific kind of fish.

    The word 'search' could have easily be used. I have read too many Reader's Digest "Towards more picturesque speech" articles, maybe? ;)

    I mentioned that you do a lot of trawling/searching and that most members might not do as much. There is nothing wrong in that, and I was not suggesting any problem.

    Members use TP at different times in different ways, according to their need. sometimes it is a library of experiences and they search for specific experiences that are relevant to them. Other times they want information without searching, and just ask the membership for their views on a certain situation.
    It is the main purpose of the site. :)
     
  6. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Hi Magaret,

    Dad had Hallucinations early on. They were very vivid and he would have full conversation with a particular friend 'charlie' in the mirror. It does not seem uncommon with alzheimer's but if it is any relief, it was only a stage. The voices did go away eventually. We decided not to question dad in the end as it seemed to upset him, so we let him get on with it. My mum did stop at making meals for his 'friends' though.

    God only knows what dad was going through at this stage and it sounds similar for your mother - although she has gotten in a muddle with it all and a little paranoid (unsurprisingly). I'm not sure you can stop it completely but just try and handle it best you can to avoid any angst.

    In my humble opinion you should tell the GP and CH, particulary if she is talking about doing something strange with medication. They may be able to help with the paranoia and help turn things around a little.

    Professional advice is always good.

    Kind Regards
    Craig
     
  7. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Margaret,

    It sounds like you are overwhelmed by everything at the moment, which in turn interferes with your judgement.

    Margaret, you need to speak out about your mum and the VOICES she hears because it is so distressing to her. My mum hears people talking to her especially at night time, she also sees them, but, she isn't afraid she will have a full on conversations and sometimes she answers for them also.

    Mum has been doing this for years but never gets upset unless they wont leave when she asks, then she will full on tell them off. You would swear there was another person in her room.

    Margaret, you need to address the problem with the VOICES and maybe, your mum heard these voices at home. If your mum can be free of these voices she may be able to settle in better.

    Just remind yourself of the reasons that lead to your mum been placed. She wasn't safe and she was at risk, and, as far as the happiness goes I truly believe you can only hope they will be happy. My mum isn't happy nor is she really unhappy and if I were to bring her home nothing much in the way of happiness would change.

    Take Care, Taffy
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,583
    Kent
    Dear Margaret,

    Please report your mother`s hallucinations and thoughts of overdosing to the Care Home and GP. But don`t be surprised if they know already.

    This is part and parcel of many with Alzheimers and very upsetting to the family. All I can say, is it proves you were so right in finding residential care for your mother.

    Please stop agonizing about something over which you have no control.

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  9. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    You need to report this. Many people with dementia experience hallucinations, in your mothers case they are auditory because she only hears people rather than seeing them as well. I think of it as the wiring in the brain making wrong connections, your mum really is hearing the voices even though the sound does not come from outside, the hearing part of her brain is getting the same signals that we all get when we hear things.

    Sometimes people will recognise that the voices are not "real" but come from inside themselves. Sometimes they are not distressed by them and will hold conversations with their "friends". In this case it is probably better to do nothing.

    However, it does seem that your mum is suffering considerable distress - so something needs to be done. It may well be that specific anti-psychotic medication may reduce the voices, or alleviate some of the anxiety associated with them.

    I don;t think there is anything to be gained in trying to convince mum the voices are not real - they are, to her, she is hearing them as much as you and I hear things. Challenging her will only make things worse. Perhaps it would be better to say something neutral instead, or distract to something else.

    These do sound like halluciantions, as opposed to delusions.
     
  10. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Yes, Brucie, but I still feel as if I was "told off", and will be very careful in future not to reply to anything unless I have something proven and specific to say.

    But don't worry about me, there are enough other people on the site who support my approach to messages.

    Thanks to everyone on this thread, I appreciate that these are Hallucinations, I think I should tell the CH and the GP (would be helpful if I knew who the GP was).

    Will keep you informed.

    Margaret
     
  11. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Mum only hears one thing, her name being called over and over. Constantly. She thinks it is someone in the Care Home, and hence needs to get out of there and go somewhere else.

    Last week I gave her something to put in her purse, and it wouldn't close. So I removed some of the cards she had in there - Tesco Clubcard for example - but when I came to the bus pass, she snatched it off me. "You are not taking that, I might need it". Oh dear, more worry.

    I don't know who her GP is, I work 9-5 or later (often till 7 or 9 p.m.), so can't ring places in the day, so I have written a letter to the surgery, hope someone responds. But I won't know if they have or not, cos medical care is none of my business, the POA only covers financial matters.

    Gee, I haven't got a problem compared to some, why am I moaning?

    Love

    Margaret
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Margaret - surely the care home knows the name of her GP? I suppose if they were never told they won't. However, I'm really surprised they haven't asked. What about the hospital she was in before the home? Would they not have told the home at the time she was admitted to the home? Just throwing out suggestions.
     
  13. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Margaret,

    I am not sure if this applies in the UK but where mum is if their own GP's wont
    attend the care home then they use the care homes GP. Here in Australia they
    have to have a GP on their file.

    I wouldn't read too much into the bus pass issues as it's more than likely
    something that your mum still identifies with and it's just reassuring to her.

    Have you spoke to the care home about your mum hearing the voices calling her?

    Regards Taffy.
     

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