• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Mum cant remember she decided she wanted to go in care home


Registered User
Dec 23, 2015
I am a newbie on here and in need of some help desperately as I don't know what to do and feel so confused and worn out with it all. My ex mother in law is in hospital after her 3rd fall and water infection she is 94 yes old and lives alone in Cumbria. She has no other relatives apart from me and I live in Blackpool over 100 miles away. Upto now I have been going up every week to clean her house do her shopping pay her bills etc and take her out for her lunch as she can not go out alone. However it had become obvious she was not managing to keep herself clean having accidents and not eating properly. But refused any outside help. She has been In hospital for 6 weeks now and they want her out. I am convinced she has dementia altziemers. But social worker has told me she is capable of making her own decisions and that she had decided she wanted to go in a care home near us. So we started looking. However we is it her only 4 days later and she has completely forgotten the whole thing can't remember saying anything and changed the subject and won't discuss it. I told the nurse who appeared shocked she had forgotten. I told them this would happen. They are insisting she is mentally capable and I am insisting she isn't and getting nowhere but going round in circles. Someone needs to make a decision for her because I can't it's not my responsibility and I don't want her accusing me of putting her in a home I need someone like a social worker or go to diagnose her properly not just keep telling me she has some cognitive impairment. Her short term memory is non existent I counted 25 times she asked me how long it took me to get there. And 1t times I had to remind her that day I had driven from London not blackpool. She thought my daughter was me the other day. And repeats the same things over again. Ithe is obvious to anyone she isn't right so why can the doctors and nurses not see it I am so confused please help don't know what to do thank you


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
I assume you have no POA so the only thing you can do is request a care needs assessment from social services. It is a very awkward situation to be in where you can perceive a need but have no authority. I am in a similar situation with my SIL who is 80 and is profoundly deaf, cannot speak, sign or lip read. I have requested help with taking her to and from hospital appointments and with food buying as I care for my husband who has Alzheimer's and can't manage both.

Yesterday I was told it would take at least two months for an assessment even though she has osteoporosis and currently nursing a broken elbow. It really is a mess and probably refusing to do anything is the only way to force action - but can we do it!

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
If you have no POA I think you need to make those responsible realise the person with dementia is at risk and as they have a duty of care would be held responsible if any harm came to them while they were left unattended.