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Mum can't keep PIN secure or write cheques. Should I stop her using card and chequebo

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by BornInSwanley, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. BornInSwanley

    BornInSwanley Registered User

    Feb 12, 2017
    My mother has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia. I have helped her deal with bills and admin since dad died in 2009 and now have LPA. She insists on having debit card and cheque books even though she can barely write (shaky hands) and has to keep PIN number written down. Also she can't walk more than a few yards and depends on people to drive her to bank. She has let people use her card and PIN. One of them took over £2000 from her but she still gives her PIN to people and tells me she has no choice. I just told bank and got card cancelled. They are sending a new on to bank branch but I don't want to give it to her. Advice please.
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Short and not so sweet answer, sorry, but don't give her the new card, it is now your responsibility to hand her small amounts of cash if needed. Of course she will kick up a fuss and you will have to find a way to deal with this, but your mum has now proved that she has no understanding of financial things.. When I did this I did try giving her an old cash point card for her purse and I cancelled the cheque book, but left that with her so she had the feeling of still running things, but any cheques she made out were not honoured by the bank. From that point, I was the only one that took her to the bank, of course this was a lot easier for me, because by then she was living with me and away from those that offered to take her to the bank/post office withdraw money and pocket half of it.
  3. BornInSwanley

    BornInSwanley Registered User

    Feb 12, 2017
    Thank you for the advice. It's helpful to have my instinct supported. It won't be easy telling Mum though, and if course we'll be having the same conversation many times as she's finding it harder and harder to take in new information. It's the right thing to do though. All the best and thanks again.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  4. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    #4 jan.s, Feb 14, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
    Do you actually need to tell your mum the "whole truth"?

    Could you tell her that the Bank have cancelled her card because they could see unusual activity on the account, i.e. someone withdrawing monies they shouldn't, and that you will have to give her cash from now on. Maybe that would work for her. Only a thought.

    I found that sometimes being economical with the truth helped as it doesn't seem so threatening to the PWD. Only my thoughts. Good luck
  5. Georgina63

    Georgina63 Registered User

    Aug 11, 2014
    Hi BornInSwanley,
    Sounds like you are doing the right thing. I eventually had to cancel cards and chequebooks as PINs would be frequently forgotten and were written down and Dad would also wander round with large sums of money. It's a sad day when you have to do this, but important to safeguard and make your Mum less vulnerable. All the best Gx

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