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Mum birthday but noticed changes

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
215
Huddersfield
Noticed a lot more now that mum has her tongue out more now she coughs sometimes and get the impression she not fully awake mum 70 today and she bed bound at the moment but hopefully she will be back in a chair soon. Mum eating well but her weight is either going down or stays the same now or then we will feed her but mainly carers feed her and give her drink. I love my mum but it's getting harder plus I got a dad to help with his stroke who depends on me as well. I feel very upset seeing my mum like this try to visit her after work some days feel very lonely these days feel like Im letting her down by not doing more
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,512
N Ireland
I'm sorry you feel so down @jelba but we can only do so much for our loved ones,

Please keep posting as the members here will understand and support you.

I wish you and your parents strength.
 

LynneMcV

Registered User
May 9, 2012
3,976
south-east London
@jelba it is a horrible situation when we see these changes but know that there is absolutely nothing we can do about them - I do feel for you.

You have a lot on your shoulders between caring for your dad as well as your mum. You can only do so much and you are already doing such a lot, so please don't beat yourself up for not being able to do more.

Keep posting, we are here for you.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
Noticed a lot more now that mum has her tongue out more now she coughs sometimes and get the impression she not fully awake mum 70 today and she bed bound at the moment but hopefully she will be back in a chair soon. Mum eating well but her weight is either going down or stays the same now or then we will feed her but mainly carers feed her and give her drink. I love my mum but it's getting harder plus I got a dad to help with his stroke who depends on me as well. I feel very upset seeing my mum like this try to visit her after work some days feel very lonely these days feel like Im letting her down by not doing more
Not doing more !!!! ... you are an amazing daughter who is juggling so much. I do understand that feeling, it’s “the guilt monkey “ but you are human not superhuman.
You look after your Dad as best you can & visit your Mum several times a week, I do understand those pressures... I can promise you that while you are in this situation no matter what you do it will never feel as if it’s enough.
That’s because you are a loving caring person - the best sort ; & you must feel torn by all that’s happening ... I speak from experience & can say hindsight is a wonderful thing.

please be kind to yourself, you are doing your best- I felt that my best wasn’t good enough & that nearly destroyed me. One of my coping mechanisms was when visiting Dad in the care home that I took in fresh flowers or a room fragrance. Even a postcard or card. I also snuggled beside Dad until he became to ill & had cuddles. I now do this with Aged Mother & it’s precious time plus the physical contact of a hug says more than any words I can find in these circumstances.
A positive 20 minute visit after work is better than an hour an a half staring at each other in my personal experience.

This disease has a lot to answer for!
Please take care of you
(((Hugs)))