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Mum been in care homes and hospitals 5 months should she come home?

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by Anotherdamnlol, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. Anotherdamnlol

    Anotherdamnlol Registered User

    May 2, 2015
    23
    Since Feb, 3 care homes and 2 hospital stays. In May diagnosed mixed type, in great care home but responded well to drugs, she wants to go home, she's doing really well, will need a carer. Community Occupational Therapist says her best chance is to go home with a carer. I'm worried she might go downhill in future then back to care home again. Don't know what to do: best solution for me is stay in home. I guess best solution for her is to go home.
     
  2. Emily M

    Emily M Registered User

    Jan 20, 2015
    178
    #2 Emily M, Jul 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2015
    Sorry to hear of your problems. From what you say I gather that you would rather have your Mum stay in a care home, but she wants to remain in her own home. This is always a difficult one. If she is assessed as being fit to go home and wants to, other than persuasion there is little you can do to stop her, even if she does go downhill again.

    By a carer does the Occupational Therapist mean you? I assume your Mum has a social worker so you need to discuss with him / her how many hours a week they are prepared to allocate to her care. Obviously you want to do the best for your Mum but be very careful about taking on the job of becoming her full time carer without assessing fully what commitments you have elsewhere and what you are prepared to take on. Unfortunately your Mum's Alzheimer's / dementia is only going to get worse over time; in my Mum's case it happened very rapidly. Providing 24 hour care is exhausting for one person however dedicated and often has a detrimental affect on their own health.

    Chances are that your Mum will eventually end up in a home full time, but things may get worse again before this happens. Maybe in the future she will agree that a home is the best place. I wish I could be more helpful.

    Good luck

    EM
     
  3. Anotherdamnlol

    Anotherdamnlol Registered User

    May 2, 2015
    23
    Thanks Em. Mum is fully mobile, and has capacity, and is eloquent and has good cognitive skills.

    No I wouldn't be carer. We are self-funding so no social worker at mo although I've just asked for a financial assessment as mums cash is running out.

    If council will pay £500 a week for care home will they pay that amount for carers?
     
  4. Emily M

    Emily M Registered User

    Jan 20, 2015
    178


    I don't want to sound too pessimistic but I doubt that the LA will pay £500 a week if they can get away with less. In my Mum's case the care was slow coming, though she was living with her husband, my step father. First it was 3 hours a week to sit with her or take her out to give him a break. Then an extra 3 x 45 minutes for bathing her was allocated. Every case is different and it depends on her capabilities and finances. From what you say, your Mum seems to be able to do quite a lot and if her finances are under the minimum level then all the care will be paid, but only what they deem fit to help her live independently. If she is living at home she may qualify for Attendance Allowance to help her pay for extra help and this is not means tested. There is a lot about this on the internet but here is a link to the Age UK website:-

    http://www.ageuk.org.uk/money-matte...dance-allowance/what-is-attendance-allowance/

    Might also be worth contacting Citizens Advice who will hopefully tell you of what help is available.
     
  5. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,623
    USA
    Hello, and I'm so sorry to hear of your situation, your mum's dementia, and your current dilemma. It's just not easy and it's so difficult for you. I hope you are able to find some good advice and support here on TP.

    Dementia is an awful disease both for the people who have it, and their carers and families. It also doesn't come with a crystal ball and there is no way of knowing what will happen. Your mother could go home with a care package and be fine for many years, or fall and break her arm tomorrow, or need to return to a care home within months, or not. There's just no way to know. All you can do is make the best decision for you AND your mum for right now, with the information and resources you have right this minute.

    My own mother is much better off in a care home than at home with carers because 1) she wouldn't accept help; 2) she is not only safe but has company 24/7; at home she was isolating herself and often saw or spoke to noone for days and 3) being relieved of the burdens of everyday living has made all the difference to her. Your mum is not my mum, of course, I just wanted to point out that I would never have guessed how stressful being in her own home, was for my mum. My mother is also, by the way, mobile, very intelligent and verbal and "presents" to most people as though she doesn't have dementia. She will tell you things at home were fine and she wants to go home and live her life the way she chooses, and she sounds competent when she says this--but it is not true.

    The hospital did an assessment and determined that she needed 24/7 care, could not manage her finances, could not use the stove safely, could not drive, could not manage her medications, et cetera. I am in the States so our system is different, but this was a big relief to get "official" confirmation of what I'd suspected and now know to the be the case. My mum, who was "fine," could not pay her bills, shop for groceries, cook, wasn't eating, wasn't washing or doing laundry or changing the bed linens, wasn't cleaning and dealt with the mail mainly by throwing it all away or by putting it in piles on the floor. Her home was filthy, she was taking her medications erratically, if at all, and she ended up in hospital after being found wandering, bruised, disoriented, and out in the cold. She'd given her credit card and bank/debit card numbers out over the phone to "charities," written large checks to another charity, and the list just goes on.

    I don't want to worry you, but you will need to have a system in place for your mum if she does return home. The dementia will only get worse over time, although of course you can't know how fast or how long. Having a carer in a few times a day may or may suffice for now, but almost certainly will not in the long run, as your mother's condition deteriorates, mentally and physically. Safety is the number one priority, followed by other practical considerations such as medication management, nutrition, laundry, cleaning, shopping, errands, financial management, transportation, socialization, bathing, and so forth.

    I do not mean to sound as though I am trying to influence one way or the other, just that you should take a clear, hard look at the facts before you make a decision. Perhaps there is information you can get from the hospital stays and care home about what her needs are, and the best way to meet them. Also, do not be afraid to consider how this is going to impact your life. Unless there are other family members to help, and maybe even if there are, if you are going to be the carer (hands on and/or legal/financial management), this is a big impact on your life.

    Best wishes to you and your mum.
     

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