Mum becoming low again.

[Michele]

Hi everyone.

I haven't updated for a while. I thought mum was getting better, well ok, not better but coping.
Christmas was great. Mum is still on her anti depresents after loosing dad. The last couple of weeks mum seems to be getting low again. I am hoping that it is just the January blues.

Mums memory is getting worse. She asks constantly what day it is and things like that, which I know is normal. She is still in her bungalow and is starting to go out quite alot.

Yesterday I went to see her and she was really upset. We had alot of tears, but by the time I left she was smiling. It is her 70th birthday in March and we went and booked a table for all of the family at a lovely restaurant near her and she is really excited.

I spoke to my sister today and mum hadn't mentioned anything to her about me going over yesterday, she just said that she hadn't done anything and was bored. Mum is also saying one thing to my sister, like I eally enjoyed last night at the bowls, but to me she is saying that it was really borning.

I have phoned mum today and again she has been in tears with me. But with my sister she has been fine. Is this normal?

I feel so bad that I can't be there all the time, and I know that when I am mum really has a great time, and so do I. I just hate feeling like this when I can't always drop everything and be there.

Is this normal behaviour? I don't know.

Love

Michele. x

 

[Grannie G]

I have phoned mum today and again she has been in tears with me. But with my sister she has been fine. Is this normal?
x

Dear Michele,

I`m afraid we have to accept all behaviour in those with dementia as normal. The fact that your sister sees more acceptable behaviour than you do is probably because you are more sympathetic.

It really sounds as if your mother is tugging at your heart strings.

If you are trying so hard to make things good for your mother and she doesn`t appreciate it, although it`s not for me to tell you what to do, I do sympathize.

Perhaps if you stood back a bit she might appreciate you more.

Love xx

 

[Nell]

Dear Michele,
You have ALL my sympathy! Your Mum sounds exactly like my Mum was a little while back. She was always complaining to me about things but "putting on a good face" for my siblings. I hope Sylvia is right, and it is because our Mums see us as more sympathetic.

As for forgetting what she's done and saying she hasn't done anything when she clearly has . . . . the examples are myriad!!!!

Just last week, my brother (who as many on TP know, is pretty useless) promised to visit my Mum the next day. (She'd had a nasty fall and hurt her arm.) When I checked on Mum that evening I asked if she'd enjoyed her visit from my brother. "He didn't come" she told me. "Why?" "I don't know."

So I ring my brother, all set to give him a blast!! (He is often very unreliable so the information didn't surprise me.)

"I was just walking out the door when she (Mum) rang me to say 'don't come' because she had two appointments - one with the podiatrist and one with the hairdresser."

So I had to do some hasty back tracking!! Obviously Mum HAD told him not to come - now she was acting as if he had let her down. But this wasn't deliberate, I'm sure. It is just the dreaded disease.

Moral of the story?? ANYTHING Is possible with dementia! (Sorry - I'm sure you don't want to hear that.)

Every best wish for the coming times.

 

[Michele]

Thank you for your posts. I think you are right Sylvia. Mum always says that I am more caring and she can have more fun with me. So I think I shall just accept it, and enjoy the fact that mum can have lots of fun with me.

Love
Michele x

 

[SusanB]

My Goodness

Nell - and all of you - this "manipulation" of siblings is what goes on with us! Of course I'm not glad that it happens to others but it is a comfort to know that we're not going round the proverbial bend...Sorry to hear that you're going through this too.

My Mum plays us off one against the other like she has a masters degree in deviousness and cruelty. I KNOW it's her illness but my fairly gullible sister actually quotes what Mum says about me as gospel truth and it makes me boil with rage...I need to do more Yoga - OK, I know that....

Ommmmmmmmmmmm......sits cross legged

 

[Nell]

it makes me boil with rage...I need to do more Yoga - OK, I know that....

Ommmmmmmmmmmm......sits cross legged

Dear Susan,
I did smile when I read this part of your post. It reminded me of a card someone gave my sister not long ago, which read:

Gardening? tick
Meditation? tick
Yoga? tick
. . . . but I still feel like murdering someone!!

 

[Skye]

Gardening? tick
Meditation? tick
Yoga? tick
. . . . but I still feel like murdering someone!!

I wonder how many of us know that feeling!