Mum at peace on Mothers Day

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by catbells, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Sending you my condolences.
  2. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Sending my deepest sympathy and wishing you peace and strength.
  3. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Hi Heather, what a lovely post and so well put at what must be a difficult and emotional time for you. I know I will have to go through this with my mum at some stage (as she is in late stages) so by reading your post has helped me already in preparing myself for the future. I think the fact that you would like to volunteer to help others in similar position in the Nursing Home is lovely too and to support other relatives because I feel it is a must as so often I have come away from Mum's nursing home in tears as nobody to speak to about Mum. I agree too it must be so hard for the carers and it is a tough job (just feel sometimes they don't get the recognition they deserve). Take care xx
  4. MeganCat

    MeganCat Registered User

    Jan 29, 2013
    South Wales
    Deepest sympathies on your loss, I'm glad it was peaceful and you were by your mums side. You have a very generous heart, thinking of others already. I hope the funeral is able to be soon x
  5. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    Condolences on the loss of your dear Mum.
  6. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    #26 catbells, Mar 17, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2015
    Funeral date now set. Tuesday 31 March.
    Today register the death. Apparently lots of deaths recently, hence a bit of a wait for the celebration service. Funeral parlour too today (wanted to get sorted asap, no good in lingering) So much to think about now to plan the funeral.Thursday we`re having a visit from the lady who will lead the service to sort out the order of service and tribute.
    I have invited the carers to contribute as they have played a massive part in Mum`s final 3 years+ and support to me. Their loving dedicated care of her is commendable and therefore warrants recognition by being included.
    I am not sad. I remain calm and focussed. All official papers signed etc etc. I think it because of the huge relief that its over. Anticipation is worse that the actual, and it hasn`t been as bad as I had envisaged. I am very thorough, good organiser, part of my work ethic albeit I`m now retired, I have a need to understand all process etc and why this form and that.
    Tomorrow bit of a pamper day, hair do and relaxat home in the afternoon, Thursdays apmt re funeral and Friday the bank, then that`s it, other than tweaking the order of service/tribute.
    From Sunday evening my life changed. Starting with something very simple. I left my mobile phone switched off and downstairs! It has been attached to me for a long time, even taking it into the bathroom, just in case. You know what I mean.
    I have to be happy, as this is a postive event. Mum is free. She had 86 years, 8 of which was not good when I suspected the dementia started (she had cardio-vascular mixed dementia). Her happy loving demeaour continued to the end she enjoyed her back massages/hugs and cuddles. We had to rely on facial or noises she made as communication which was all that was left. I`m free of the responsibility of making decisions on her behalf, I willingly, and thanks to my very understanding husband, visited every day overseeing and working with the team of carers ensuring her care was as good as we could give her. I have no guilt, I have no regrets. I know that I couldn`t have coped with her at home, sometimes love is letting go and its a difficult decision to make to enter a home, but dementia is a specialist area and needs special care. Also our parents perhaps would not like their children to do all their personal care, intimate care - their dignity also has to be respected. I know Mum would be proud of me. A lot depends on your philosophy of life, so we now reflect positively on her life. We tend to forget the elderly were once children/teenagers, young vibrant people who had a life. Time now to reflect, recover and re-adjust.
    I hope I can give you all something positive to consider and draw strength from.
    Thank to all of you kind people who sent your moving messages to me. It is marvellous. I will certainly be keeping in touch.
    Bye for now
    Heather xx:)

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