Mum at peace on Mothers Day

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by catbells, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    Mum slipped away at 3.45pm today. Your strength and prayers helped me greatly. Its been an exhausting day. Senior carer and myself with Mum to the end. (I walked the path right to the end of our physical relationship ensuring she was cared for and everything in place). Once doctor had been, we washed and dressed her - at home, those who loved her continuing her care. She was loved by all. I was comforting some the carers. I am happy for Mum a positive for her no longer confused and on such a special day, it was a privilege to be with her on our special day. I feel relieved now, the elastic band now calm. There is a funny side, once the funeral directors had gone (I didn`t want to see this), the senior carer came in the staff room and gave a slip of paper "Oh I said is this a receipt for her body!" we had a laugh before we disintregated. I hope its not too long before the funeral. I will say my final goodbye to her before the service. Iam home with my family, glass of wine too in celebration of her life and a thank you to her for making me her daughter.
    Thank you all
    Heather xxx
  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    Heather, you joined the forum in 2010, like me, and I feel so sad for you losing your dear mum, but your post is not sad -- you are accepting of the end of her life, and secure in knowing that you did all you could to make that end as good as it could be.
    Please accept my sincere condolences, and my admiration for what a caring daughter you have been.
    I wish you strength for the days to come, and peace for the future.
    sleepless x
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm so sorry to read your news catbells. Sending condolences.
  4. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    A tranquil ending for your Mum. Peace for you because you know you couldn't have done more to help, comfort and stay with her to the very end.
  5. Raggedrobin

    Raggedrobin Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    What a moving thread. i really appreciate you describing what happened to your Mum, it helps those of us who still have to face it. It does seem somehow rather perfect that she should go on mother's day. It sounds as if you have been a wonderful daughter 'walking the path to the end' as you put it so well. May she rest in peace and may you now be in peace.
  6. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    We followed this path together....I stepped off 3 weeks ago, but my feelings are just as yours have been.
    I'm sorry you have lost your Mum. ...but I'm glad she went when the time was right. She could leave, knowing that you were content that you had done all you could to help her to the very end. She left with dignity, with love and even left you with humour.
    I'll raise a glass to you both. She'll be proud of you.
  7. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    sorry to read about your mum. My maternal grandmother also died on Mother's Day. I think it makes the day even more special. x
  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Heather, thank you for such a beautiful and moving post, My condolences to you and your family.
  9. Annie36

    Annie36 Registered User

    Mar 16, 2015
    I don't know you but I am thinking of you..

    I am thinking of you at this time..a stranger that is going through what i am going through..remember the life that was there before and not the shell you see now. The heart never forgets x
  10. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Catbells, we have not, I think, 'met' before, but I have found your posts here moving and inspiring. I am glad you were able to be with your mum to the end, she is at peace now, and I wish you strength in the weeks to come.

    Condolences x

    Lindy xx
  11. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    My condolences to you and yours. Thank you for sharing with us. Rose x
  12. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    I'm also sending my condolences catbells. A peaceful end for your dear Mum and I hope you will take comfort in that.

    Another bright star will be in the sky tonight.


    Lyn T XX
  13. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    I am sorry for your loss, glad you were able to be there to the end take care xx

  14. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    I'm sorry you have lost your mother but am glad for her sake that she is now at peace. I hope your happy memories of when she was well will sustain you in the weeks to come. Please accept my condolences. x
  15. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    East Coast of Australia
    Sorry for your loss but pleased you were with her right to the end. It is good to raise a toast to not only her life but the life you shared together.
  16. Acco

    Acco Registered User

    Oct 3, 2011
    Sorry to hear of your loss but so pleased for both of you that you shared those last special moments together. My condolences.
  17. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    My condolences catbells, and my own thanks for such an uplifting post.
  18. flower1

    flower1 Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    Thinking of you at this time. The wording you put was lovely and very inspiring. Wishing you peace and strength for the days ahead. RIP for your Mum, no more suffering. Xx
  19. catbells

    catbells Registered User

    Jun 14, 2010
    Thank you for your wonderful kindness in taking time to respond, your words are so comforting.
    The senior carer at the CH said today she felt blessed to be part of the passing of my Mum. i`ve have`nt stopped today to reflect, arrangements to be made phone calls and appointments to be made. I remain calm, until someone shows me a little kindness, nieghbours and family rallying (I`m usually the one to do this I`m a "giver" not a very good "receiver") then Niagra falls starts! I know this is all part of the healing process. As I talked to the carers yesterday I described how the whole experience of caring for someone with dementia is in retrospect a positive one the "long goodbyes", step by step gently a factor of our loved ones disappears a gentle measured goodbyes. She didn`t know who I was, then her speech went, just noises, but she was still smiling then the smiles became so weak you had to be quick to catch them, slowly slowly.I used to sit with Mum hugs and cuddles stroking her back as you comfort a baby, and for the last 2-3 weeks I had to say goodbye to that as she was virtualy bedridden, then just holding a hand that used to grip mine but became lifeless, another goodbye, then the last few days, I holding a non-responsive hand, stroking and a kiss or two to her forehead. I was suprised when a carer who had been around for 18 months said, he had never heard Mum talk, this brings it home. I think you will know what I`m trying to say. Yes, it has been a heartbreaking rollercoaster for both the sufferer and relatives, we don`t see it until we`ve lost our loved ones but in time I think we start to see the positives. I think I would prefer this to a sudden death. I appreciate I have been very lucky as Mum really never lost her happy demeanour throughout, she was affectionate to everyone.
    I have not made any commitment as yet, but I think my experience needs to be channelled and I hope, when I`m ready, to return to the home on a voluntary basis, just to sit and chat, hold the hands of the lost souls who don`t have visitors. They may talk nonsence, but to them its not, and just to sit or walk with them is helping them and saying "thank you" to the care home who so lovingly care for all their charges. It is hard for the carers, residents often with them for years, as was pointed out to me, they too were very distressed yesterday, but had to leave Mum`s room with a smile and carry on as usual. It`s a tough job and only the genuine people who care can cope with this.
    Thank you all.
    I will continue on TP to also channel my experience onto other relatives struggling to come to terms with this dreadful condition.
    Heather xx
  20. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    North West
    Thank you again Heather. You write so movingly and honestly and give me and I expect others hope that after the inevitably sad passing we will face, at some point, we may feel equally positive when we look back at the caring journey.

    I'm sure you will continue to have a lot to offer TP.

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