Mum at end stage Alzheimer’s

[Alison66]

So sorry to hear this news @Alison66. I hope the end was peaceful, and that you can find some peace too amidst the grief - funeral planning can be a temporary distraction. Almost a year on, I still look at TP most days - it continues to be a big source of comfort to me, and I hope it will be for you too. You did all you could for your mum, and you can be proud of the time and love you gave her xxx

Thank you so much @hilaryd according to the staff at the care home my mums passing was peaceful and yes compared to my dad's passing, mums was much less traumatic. However, I don't think it was that peaeful and I just can't get mums "pleading eyes" -that's how I seen them- out of my head. I know that will fade as time goes on.Time passes so quickly and now as I post this it's just 15 minutes short of 1 whole week since I lost her and there's another full week to go before mums funeral, which yes is a temporary distraction. It's hard to pin down how I feel because most of the time I just feel void.and in a daze

I can't thank people on this forum enough for the compassion and support I've had here

 

[Cazzita]

Condolences, so sorry to hear of your mum's passing. Such a sad time and horrible illness . Take care xx

 

[MaNaAk]

Thank you so much @hilaryd according to the staff at the care home my mums passing was peaceful and yes compared to my dad's passing, mums was much less traumatic. However, I don't think it was that peaeful and I just can't get mums "pleading eyes" -that's how I seen them- out of my head. I know that will fade as time goes on.Time passes so quickly and now as I post this it's just 15 minutes short of 1 whole week since I lost her and there's another full week to go before mums funeral, which yes is a temporary distraction. It's hard to pin down how I feel because most of the time I just feel void.and in a daze

I can't thank people on this forum enough for the compassion and support I've had here

Dear Alison,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You did an excellent job looking after both your parents and they would have been very proud of you.

Hug to you

MaNaAk

 

[Angler]

Hi, my mum has Alzheimer’s and was officially diagnosed in 2012 although it was obvious to me (her carer) that things had been changing for at least 3 years previous to this. Mum was cared for at home until August 2015 when she moved into a nursing home as the illness was too much for 1 person to deal with full time.
Things progressed and slowly got worse. When my mum went into care, she was still mobile and could join in conversation to a degree. About 6 months after being in care mum had a major seizure and the family were called round as mum was expected to pass away at that time. Since then there have been more seizures, chest infections, being treated with antibiotics but the deterioration and progression of her disease was getting faster. Every time antibiotics were used mum would come back but in a reduced state each time until earlier this year we as a family decided that there should be no more active intervention if any further chest infections occurred. Strangely enough she hasn’t had one since. However this thieving disease was progressing ever faster. 2 weeks ago mum had another major seizure and things have spiralled downward. Suddenly on Monday mums ability to swallow left her so she has had nothing to eat or drink since then. I feel lost and helpless and just wondered how long this would go on. I must say that so far she is peaceful and sleeping most of the time. I’m not coping because life circumstances dictate that I just can’t be with her constantly. Every time I leave, I tell her I love her and tell her it’s okay to go and she’s the best mum I could ever have wished for. I know no-one knows how long someone can keep existing as a shell of the wonderful vibrant woman and mum she was but it just doesn’t seem fair that her heart keeps beating though her life is gone.
Sorry for long post but does anyone have anything to help me get through this. I just don’t know how I’ll go on without her but at the same time I want her to have real peace.
Thanks for taking time to read through this ramble and thanks in advance for replies.
A.x

 

[tmsjg]

My Mum too is in a similar condition. I know how hard it is. You want a release for them but it's so hard to let them go. When it is time for them to go, I can only say that they will decide. My Dad died last year, I spent months with him and towards the end slept on cushions beside his bed. He passed away while I had popped out for just a few minutes. It's tough but we just have to believe they know how much we still love them ,it's a hard time of year. That's why I've joined this group.sometimes it's good to talk to people other than family because everyone is too close. Take care x

 

[jaymor]

My Mum too is in a similar condition. I know how hard it is. You want a release for them but it's so hard to let them go. When it is time for them to go, I can only say that they will decide. My Dad died last year, I spent months with him and towards the end slept on cushions beside his bed. He passed away while I had popped out for just a few minutes. It's tough but we just have to believe they know how much we still love them ,it's a hard time of year. That's why I've joined this group.sometimes it's good to talk to people other than family because everyone is too close. Take care x

Hi and welcome to Talking Point.

Thank you for adding to this thread and adding your experience if this very difficult time we will all find ourselves in at some time. I did nearly three years ago and it is as vivid today as it was then.

Please feel free to join in any of the threads on here and if you have a specific question to ask start a thread of your own. That way more members will see it and add their knowledge of your concern or if they have no tried and tested solution at least they can give you support. I have put the link to the appropriate part of the forum should you want to post.

Please keep posting and drawing strength from knowing we all understand and if you feel the need to let of steam please feel free to do so, we are listening.

Here is the link
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/i-care-for-a-person-with-dementia.70/

 

[malengwa]

Hi Alison, I'm sorry to hear about the difficult time, and hope you are being kind to yourself. My mum died around the same time a year ago and somehow Christmas time makes it all the more difficult especially if there is a long pause before the funeral.
I hope in months to come, the ache lessens and you can have more happy memories, that's certainly helped me in dark days.

 

[Alison66]

Hi, first time I've been here for a couple of weeks so thank you to those who have replied in my thread which I've just seen.
This coming Tuesday "Christmas Day" will be 4 weeks to the day since my mum became free from her struggle with this awful insidious thief of a disease called Alzheimer's. This weekend has been extremely difficult, it suddenly hit me that the person who loved me more than anyone else on this planet did or ever will has gone and I'll never be able to hold her hand, talk to or even just sit in silence with again.

I have never felt so alone and lost in my life. To say that I'm utterly heart broken barely begins to describe how I feel. I've just been crying and crying can't stop. Having panic attacks so bad I can hardly breathe. I cannot believe I thought I was prepared for my mum's passing.

Absolutely not, I feel like I'm being kicked in the stomach repeatedly.
I know I'm grieving and how I feel won't last forever but I'm barely functioning. I don't know what else to say.

Thanks if you take time to read this. I know at least someone on here will identify.

Thanks

Alison u

 

[chippiebites]

Hi Alison. I really do know how you feel. I lost my lovely Mum 8 weeks ago. What you say about losing the one person who will always love you is so true. My mum was always on my side, sticking up for me. Now we don't have that. Remember that you are part of your Mum, and therefore your Mum is still with you and always will be and she still loves you xx

 

[Alison66]

Hi Alison. I really do know how you feel. I lost my lovely Mum 8 weeks ago. What you say about losing the one person who will always love you is so true. My mum was always on my side, sticking up for me. Now we don't have that. Remember that you are part of your Mum, and therefore your Mum is still with you and always will be and she still loves you xx

Hi chippiebites, thank you so much for your reply and please excuse my tardiness in getting back to you. It's just the worst feeling ever. I know it's something I won't ever get over but with time I/we will learn to live with it. Time................never ending time. Thank you again for very kind words. My heart goes out to you. Much Love xx