Hello
My mum has vascular dementia and went into care after my dad passed away in April, so she is still in the settling down phase, although she hates it and has said that we've "done a terrible thing" and how selfish we all are (me and my two siblings).
She was rushed to hospital a few weeks ago with kidney failure and sepsis. We were told she had 12-24 hours to live, but she pulled through. A week later the hospital told us she again had hours to live, but again, she pulled through! The consultant couldn't believe it, and said that he would have expected her to be comatose given her readings, but she was just abusive, behaving inappropriately, pulling out her lines etc. The hospital finally gave her a palliative discharge back to the home, saying there was nothing more they could do and it was just a matter of weeks. She refuses to eat, sips water but nothing else. She has lost over 3 stone in a month. The dietician at the home says that there is nothing she can advise, and so the care home just encourage her to eat as we do when we visit. MacMillan are visiting on a daily basis, but haven't written up her final prescription as yet.
But I can't believe she is at end of life - she seems too alert, albeit abusive and hallucinating most of the time. She looks thin, but better than some of the other residents! I'm finding her dislike of me hard. She told me on Monday not to bother visiting her because I didn't belong to her any more. I was so upset, I didn't go in on Tuesday, but went in to see her yesterday. She wouldn't even acknowledge me and
refused to look at me or speak to me. I was there about an hour, but couldn't stand it any more. I've stayed away today.
Its been a hard year. I lost my job in March, my dad in April and now my mum. I don't feel I've even grieved for dad.
Has anyone experienced 'end of life' that seems so far from it? And how do you cope with
such rejection?
I am trying to focus on other things and have started to apply for jobs again, but part of me thinks I should spend time with mum, despite how bad she makes me feel.
Thanks for reading this.
My mum has vascular dementia and went into care after my dad passed away in April, so she is still in the settling down phase, although she hates it and has said that we've "done a terrible thing" and how selfish we all are (me and my two siblings).
She was rushed to hospital a few weeks ago with kidney failure and sepsis. We were told she had 12-24 hours to live, but she pulled through. A week later the hospital told us she again had hours to live, but again, she pulled through! The consultant couldn't believe it, and said that he would have expected her to be comatose given her readings, but she was just abusive, behaving inappropriately, pulling out her lines etc. The hospital finally gave her a palliative discharge back to the home, saying there was nothing more they could do and it was just a matter of weeks. She refuses to eat, sips water but nothing else. She has lost over 3 stone in a month. The dietician at the home says that there is nothing she can advise, and so the care home just encourage her to eat as we do when we visit. MacMillan are visiting on a daily basis, but haven't written up her final prescription as yet.
But I can't believe she is at end of life - she seems too alert, albeit abusive and hallucinating most of the time. She looks thin, but better than some of the other residents! I'm finding her dislike of me hard. She told me on Monday not to bother visiting her because I didn't belong to her any more. I was so upset, I didn't go in on Tuesday, but went in to see her yesterday. She wouldn't even acknowledge me and
refused to look at me or speak to me. I was there about an hour, but couldn't stand it any more. I've stayed away today.
Its been a hard year. I lost my job in March, my dad in April and now my mum. I don't feel I've even grieved for dad.
Has anyone experienced 'end of life' that seems so far from it? And how do you cope with
such rejection?
I am trying to focus on other things and have started to apply for jobs again, but part of me thinks I should spend time with mum, despite how bad she makes me feel.
Thanks for reading this.