Mum. assessment and the Care Manager

[Auntiep]

What an afternoon! We met with the Care Manager and went through the assessment until Mum basically vomited over her and asked her to leave?! It was such hard going, we only had a review in December (before the hospital admission and her coming to stay with us), but now we have to start again from scratch. It’s just so hard deciding what to do for the best.

She’s still obviously not safe to be left on her own at her flat, but would we/she get the same level of care/funding if she’s living with us? She has no assets lives in a council flat (sheltered accommodation), but we own our place (though we have no savings). The facilities at the flat are better, ie walk in shower/wet room, whereas here she’s only able to have a strip wash. If she moved here would she lose her flat? I just don’t know what to do for the best.



I could see the care manager’s brain turning over the information, and the risk that Mum would be in if she moved back to the flat on her own. She mentioned ‘the next step’ which I’m sure would residential care. I know that time will come, but not yet, not while we can be there for her and she knows us (most of the time).

The other option, which we’ve looked at is me moving into her flat with her, which Hubby suggests, but I think that would mean our marriage would be all but non-existent! Why is this so difficult? What should I do?

P x

 

[Fed Up]

Firstly it might be contravening her tenancy agreement if she has someone come to live with her on a permeneant basis in sheltered housing. It is sad but really sounds like if she can't live on her own the only thing to do is for her to go into care. Her pension and/ pension credit/attendance allowance will go towards the costs, but seriously you won't loose her it will make your and her life a lot easier and safer.
So before you do anything ask the Council as it may be that they feel she is a danger to herself and others in the flat so could for the sake of their interest looking after other tenants ask for her to go into the next stage of care i.e. a home.
Its so nice you want to help her but try to be thinking in the long term and also about safety.

 

[Kiwi.lewis]

My heart goes out to you. I too, have a mother that lives on her own and things are becoming difficult for her to stay on her own. Discussions have been made as to whether I should stay with her, husband to stay at our house, me at mums. But my husband and I decided that I can only be truly strong enough with his support and comfort when I need it most. We have arranged alarms on my mothers doors in case she goes walk about and have got more carers going in through the day. Would you consider self support, where you could have someone stay with your mum? Introduce her to your mum as your friend prior?
I do feel for you.

What an afternoon! We met with the Care Manager and went through the assessment until Mum basically vomited over her and asked her to leave?! It was such hard going, we only had a review in December (before the hospital admission and her coming to stay with us), but now we have to start again from scratch. It’s just so hard deciding what to do for the best.

She’s still obviously not safe to be left on her own at her flat, but would we/she get the same level of care/funding if she’s living with us? She has no assets lives in a council flat (sheltered accommodation), but we own our place (though we have no savings). The facilities at the flat are better, ie walk in shower/wet room, whereas here she’s only able to have a strip wash. If she moved here would she lose her flat? I just don’t know what to do for the best.



I could see the care manager’s brain turning over the information, and the risk that Mum would be in if she moved back to the flat on her own. She mentioned ‘the next step’ which I’m sure would residential care. I know that time will come, but not yet, not while we can be there for her and she knows us (most of the time).

The other option, which we’ve looked at is me moving into her flat with her, which Hubby suggests, but I think that would mean our marriage would be all but non-existent! Why is this so difficult? What should I do?

P x

 

[Lottie134]

Think we are nearing that point now. MIL doing walkabout frequently, at night, even fell once & had to be taken home by neighbours, we were at work.
She's really not safe but at the moment it's a sticking point between myself & OH.
I know that MIL wants to come & live with us but it's so not an option. We live in a Victorian house, with steps to the front & back. Steep stairs inside & only 1 bathroom upstairs with no room to extend downstairs. She would be more isolated here, she knows no one here & we live on a main road.
The other option is OH living with her. He wouldn't be able to handle it. He's had enough after an hour &. I guess our marriage would also be none existent. We struggle now as we both work shifts so are sometimes like ships in the night.
I'm just getting on with things at the moment, trying to keep my opinions to myself & becoming more depressed by the day. Thank goodness I have work as a firm of solace.

 

[Auntiep]

Self Support?

My heart goes out to you. I too, have a mother that lives on her own and things are becoming difficult for her to stay on her own. Discussions have been made as to whether I should stay with her, husband to stay at our house, me at mums. But my husband and I decided that I can only be truly strong enough with his support and comfort when I need it most. We have arranged alarms on my mothers doors in case she goes walk about and have got more carers going in through the day. Would you consider self support, where you could have someone stay with your mum? Introduce her to your mum as your friend prior?
I do feel for you.

Thanks for your responses, it helps to know I'm not the only one in this situation. I don't know about 'self support', what does this mean?

P x

 

[Kiwi.lewis]

Self support is when you are given funds to use in your own way instead of through the council. You end up employing someone to look after your loved one, whether it be a live in carer or someone to visit, or anything that is needed to be done. I will be using Self Support instead of carers from the council so that it is the same person each time, as sometimes it is many difference carers in a week and I don't want to confuse my mum anymore.
It's basically a pot of money that the government would provide the council for my mothers needs once she was assessed, but instead of them providing the needs, I would employ someone to do that for me.
I thought maybe it may be a way for someone to be there in the evenings for you.

 

[Auntiep]

Self support is when you are given funds to use in your own way instead of through the council. You end up employing someone to look after your loved one, whether it be a live in carer or someone to visit, or anything that is needed to be done. I will be using Self Support instead of carers from the council so that it is the same person each time, as sometimes it is many difference carers in a week and I don't want to confuse my mum anymore.
It's basically a pot of money that the government would provide the council for my mothers needs once she was assessed, but instead of them providing the needs, I would employ someone to do that for me.
I thought maybe it may be a way for someone to be there in the evenings for you.

Ahhh! She mentioned direct payments, maybe that's the same thing?

 

[Kiwi.lewis]

Ahhh! She mentioned direct payments, maybe that's the same thing?

Yes possibly, I am in Scotland, so maybe it's called something else up here. When you speak to social services, sometimes it is not mentioned, as they would lose out on money. It is something to consider, albeit, a little confusing. Will see if I can find a link for you to read about it.

 

[Kiwi.lewis]

Ahhh! She mentioned direct payments, maybe that's the same thing?

I found this on the nhs.uk website,
How do personal budgets, individual budgets and direct payments differ?

Personal budgets
A personal budget is an amount of money set aside to pay for your care needs. You can direct your local authority how to spend this budget on your behalf, or you can receive the personal budget as a direct payment to pay for services yourself. A personal budget can also be allocated to a trust fund managed by your friends or family, or managed by a professional such as a social worker.
Alternatively, it can be provided as an individual service fund. This is where the local authority pays for support but you have complete control over what support you receive and how it's provided. This means you recruit the people you need to help you. Read more about individual service funds on the In Control website.
Individual budgets
An individual budget is very similar to a personal budget. However, it includes other sources of funding, such as the Independent Living Fund, and it can be used more flexibly to meet individual needs. For example, you may have money allocated for a holiday, if this will clearly meet your social care needs.
Direct payments
A direct payment is money given to you directly so that you can buy services (such as employing a personal assistant) and equipment for your care needs. It puts you in complete control, but it comes with responsibilities, such as employment issues.[/B]
Self-directed support does not always mean that you have to manage the money yourself, although this is an option.
Personal budgets allow you to receive your allocated funding in a variety of forms, such as through direct payments.

When they say personal assistant - they mean a carer for your mum , and someone to help you

 

[Auntiep]

Thanks again, this looks like the way to go

P x

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