Hi there I posted about six weeks ago because my 81 year old mum, mild cognitive impairment, frail, mobility problems and partially sighted, has taken my 82 year old dad to court to get an order preventing him from returning to their house. She has done this because he punches at her, kicks at her and verbally abuses her in quite an extreme way, he is also very controlling, monitoring her phone calls etc. This has been getting steadily worse for about 5 years and included 2 police arrests and charges for assault which were dropped by the CPS due to his age. He is in sheltered accommodation temporarily with his own care package until things are resolved. Up to three years ago she was caring for him following 2 strokes, now her health has broken down completely and she has carers 4x daily, which was often a focus for his rage when they were living together. As I now have LPA for her, have found a solicitor and drafted the statements, I feel quite personally responsible even though I have been repeatedly advised by professionals there is no other way. I was wondering whether people thought this behaviour was likely to be due to dementia or plain old domestic abuse (the view taken by all professionals up to a few weeks ago, based on the fact he has always had a nasty temper and there had been previous incidents of violence many years ago, plus his cognition in early 2014 was fine). Dad was due in court on 9th November but I was getting worried about his own mental state, as was his social worker. I received wise and compassionate advice, as I always do, which is why I have been occasionally coming back over the past three years. Life is very busy though, I combine full time employment/ self employment with visiting them 2-3 days a week (they live 50 miles away) so I cannot come as often as I would like, plus as mum's problems are classed as MCI and dad has never been diagnosed with anything except small vessel disease, I am never sure whether this is the 'right' place. Dad was due in court on 9th November, a LOT has happened since that time, which is partly why I haven't had time to come back. A week before his court date, Dad was picked up by the police some time in the late evening as he was reported wandering around near the GP surgery (and a busy dual carriageway). He was clearly very confused. A few days later he collapsed and was taken to hospital where he was treated for a UTI and had a Pacemaker fitted, which he had been resisting for many years (resting heart rate of 35 but fluctuating a lot). I gave consent at the time as he was judged not to have capacity, he was hallucinating, constantly removing clothing and smashing fittings on the ward. The GP, social services and ward staff also all referred him for specialist psychiatric assessment. He was an inpatient in hospital on his court date and I was not completely sure whether he was aware of it, although following discharge it became clear that he was. It was just me and the judge, one I had never met, he was not prepared to give the occupation order in dad's absence as he wanted to meet him to be sure it was his decision not to be represented (it was, and social services have capacity assessed him on this specific point). However he accepted there was 'substantial evidence' of risk to mum and upheld the order till 1st September 2016. Another court Directions Hearing has been arranged for January 18th, this time I have been asked to provide evidence about their finances and housing situation showing what dad's housing options might be if he does not go home. There may not be a need for a full hearing if dad does not represent himself. Quite something for mum and dad to have hanging over their heads at the 'most wonderful time of the year'. I have discussed the next court hearing with dad, it was a very difficult discussion because he did get enraged but the last time his social worker questioned whether he was really aware when and where it was happening and I am not sure exactly who else the social worker expects to explain it to him. He told me that he thinks if he goes home things will be 'fine' because they have been 'fine' for fifty five years and they manage very well. He thinks mum's injuries have been 'blown out of all proportion', she 'never had any significant injuries that I saw' and no, he does not want representation. The core of the problem seems to be that dad does not think cuts, bruises, barging and verbal abuse are 'significant'. At all other times his demeanour towards me is very sweet, warm and loving at the moment. He is very appealing when he isn't waving his stick. He seems to be mixing mum and I up. Mean while a psychiatrist has assessed him and told me he 'does have a dementia'. Just like that, matter of fact. I took him for a more specialised brain scan last week to 'determine what kind', meeting on February 29th to discuss results. I also have to get him a heart test to see whether it would be possible to prescribe an Acetylcholinesterase inhibiting drug, whatever that is. He already took himself off on three buses to get the test because the psychiatrist told him to (she hadn't made contact with me at that point), but he left the letter behind so they didn't know why he was there and just checked his Pacemaker. When that happened I asked via the social worker could the CMHT please involve me and fair enough, she did call me and tell me he has a dementia. However I won't fully believe it until the meeting has happened because part of me still believes the brain scan results won't show anything abnormal (previous ones haven't). Dad's confusion does seem to be getting a bit better as the weeks pass. On the other hand, mine seems to get worse! So meanwhile we are trying to have as merry a little Christmas as we can. My husband has been a big support, when mum and dad meet up, which they can away from their house whenever they want (so long as dad is not abusive), I need help really. We have done the Christmas present shop in M&S (ground floor cafe and toilets, blue badge parking and wheelchair friendly for mum) which passed off without incident, have a restaurant booked for Christmas day which used to be a favourite 20 years ago and some kind of a vague plan to meet up for tea on Boxing day if I can find anywhere open. On the day the psychiatrist called me I saw a photograph of a woman standing in front of a giant tidal wave which seemed to be about to engulf her, which was captioned 'well ... ****`. It seemed to sum up my feelings perfectly. But I know that lots of you have been here, and you were not overwhelmed. That really helps. Thank you for reading.