Mum and Dad need help!

[stressedmum24]

Hi,

My Mum and Dad are in their 70's and my mum has been caring for my father who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's nearly three years ago. As expected, his condition is steadily deteriorating - he has forgotten the names of most general items, only sleeps for two or three hours at a time and panics when she leaves the house. She is doing a superwoman job caring for him ... all on her own as I frustratingly live on the other side of the world and cannot afford to visit.

Anyhow, she has to go into hospital later this month for a knee replacement operation and is terrified of what will happen to my Dad and how she will cope afterwards. No one is giving her any advice and what little information she has been given she does not really understand. She has arranged for a family member to stay with my Dad for a couple of days whilst she is in hospital but believes she has to pay 11.50 an hour for home care when she comes out. Both my parents are on basic pension, have very little in the way of savings, and no other property than their own modest semi-detached bungalow in Lincolnshire.

Am I right in thinking she should be getting some free help with my father now, let alone after the operation? How should she go about getting it? I cannot believe her doctor has not sorted this out for her, even though she is not one to fuss. Any help you can give would be appreciated.

 

[underwood]

Hi

Would help the aged be able to help and advise what your mother is entitled to?

I've been looking over Lincolnshire CC website and it is so different from the 2 counties I've been looking at recently.
Anyway I think I may have the right page for information

http://mychoicemycare.org.uk/i-need-help-with/living-at-home/living-safely-at-home/someone-to-help-you.aspx

The council will do an assessment on your mother, if there is funding available they can then tell her. Has she had an assessment? I ask because the Council's site tends to lead you on a self funding route.

There have been numerous changes over here with local budgets. Some councils provide everything, some do not. My friend is having to pay £7.50 per 15mins for a carer/ home help.

Hope everything goes well.

 

[marionq]

With the finances you describe she is unlikely to pay anything. She or someone close needs to contact social services urgently for a needs assessment and also a financial assessment. If she is going into hospital so soon then this should be responded to quickly providing they insist.

 

[underwood]

With the finances you describe she is unlikely to pay anything. She or someone close needs to contact social services urgently for a needs assessment and also a financial assessment. If she is going into hospital so soon then this should be responded to quickly providing they insist.

I agree with you Marion. As her mum is herself a carer can it not be tackled both ways? help for Dad and for Mum?

I know nothing about knee replacements but that surely will not be easy to get round on for some time.

 

[Mrsbusy]

My friend has recently had a knee replacement, and is luckily in a better position and is independent. She had to have a lot of stitches in the knee, exercises everyday to do, but not overdo and then attend physio every week. She walked on crutches for a few weeks, couldn't drive of course. She had to have somebody home to open the door for the nurse to visit too. Also had to have meals made for her as she couldn't stand to cook for that long.

It maybe that your father would have to go in for respite care whilst your Mum has her operation and recovers. In some ways it will give your Mum some time to have a rest too which she will need also from the operation.

Her GP should be made aware of the situation in respect of the operation and your Dads health, so may I suggest that you contact her GP to make him aware of the situation, maybe by email? Or maybe ask if you can telephone him to discuss the situation. I would mention the words 'duty of care' and 'vulnerable adults' in the email or phone as they should hopefully kick the system into helping them. Even if it means postponing the operation your mum would be happier knowing your Dad was safe whilst she was in hospital.

Your mum is probably on automatic pilot coping everyday and not realising just how much she is keeping it together and wouldn't dream of asking for help from anyone or worry you too much, I think it's a generation thing. So I think if you can make people aware of her situation it can only be a good thing, she may not thank you for it but will eventually see you are right.

In the way of finances your dad is probably able to claim Attendance allowance as well as get council tax reduction due to your dads incapacity. Maybe Aged UK could pop round to help her fill in the forms, but of course if a care home stay is permanent then the situation would be different in respect of AA. The benefits department may also offer an at home service if you email them at their local office they will be able to tell you.

Good luck and keep us updated please.