• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Mum again


Registered User
Mar 29, 2015
I have posted on here before about Mum who has undiagnosed dementia of some sort. She is 93, lives alone in the family home with no support - other than from me. She still refuses to have any medical or social work input - keeps assuring me that she is 'fine, just a bit forgetful, but after all, I am 93'. She is becoming very frail and unsteady on her feet, to the extent that she no longer wants to go out of the house at all - even though I am always with her. She isn't showering, though maintains that she does and isn't keen to change her clothes much. I go in now and do some housework for her, trim her nails etc but that is all she will allow - and has started to get confrontational if I suggest doing any more for her - she was never like that.
I feel that we are headed for something disastrous happening like a fall or a fire and I feel unable to prevent it other than by completely over-ruling her wishes. I'm sure that many of you have dealt with a similar situation - what would you do? I hate this illness - feel that I am losing my Mum.

little shettie

Registered User
Nov 10, 2009
My mum was the same and I am afraid the only way to overcome this is to stand up to your mum and get some help! If she has a fall or some accident you would never forgive yourself. My mum was and is so strong willed and in the end I just took her to the GP for an MOT, actually told her we re going shopping, little white lies all the time but you have to sometimes. Then the head scan, then the dreaded diagnosis but at least once you know one way or another then you can get mum the help she so obviously needs. Do not think its wrong to do so, it is not. They can be quite formidable can't they! After caring for my mum and dad when he was alive, long distance for 5 years, mum now lives with hubby and I. I still get help and mum is sometimes so reluctant with carers yet will let me do it all. I tell her straight, being mister nice guy doesn't work sadly. Good luck, I know its hard but be strong and please stay in touch let us know how you get on xx

100 miles

Registered User
Apr 16, 2015
I have got my mum to the GP by telling her that all over 80s/85s/90s (use whatever will make them feel most inclined to feel cherished and special) are entitled to a special check up. I have also spoken to here GP in advance of an appt so I can tell him stuff that it wouldn't be kind to discuss in front of her.
I have yet to crack the problem of getting her to accept more help in her home.
Good luck.