Mum about to leave hospital


Registered User
Nov 30, 2007
After several weeks in a psychiatric ward my Mum is being prepared for discharge. Despite my earlier miss-givings and dread of her going into the ward I have to say that the new medicines they have tried her on do seem to have reduced her anxiety to a point where I can visit without fearing a constant march around the place while Mum tries to find a way out. And then the tears and pleading for me to take her with me when it is time for me to go. She is still very confused and her memory is limited but on the whole she does have more peace, and so (selfishly) do I.

Now, however, is the next difficult stage of finding a suitable residential home that we can afford albeit through top ups, that is clean, comfortable and caring. Where does one begin? Then there is the renewed challenge of settling in. If anyone has any experience of this I'd be pleased to hear from you.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Steve,

It`s very good news about your mother.

However `selfish` you feel, and you would be one of the last I would call selfish, it really must be easier all round to have a less anxious mother. I hope the medication continues to work well.

I can`t really help you re finding a home. It is 13 years since I had that task and had no PC, there was no CSCI and it was just a case of visiting as many homes in the area I could.

I suppose to a certain extent it`s pretty much the same today. It isn`t until you actually enter a home, feel the ambience and talk to people, that you can appreciate the pros and cons.

I wish you luck and hope you will report back on your findings.

Take care xx


Hi Steve

If you have more peace, then so does she; if she has more peace, then so do you.

Nothing selfish in that, as far as I can see. Just basic common-sense mathematics!

Re. the choosing of a home for your Mum: difficult one there, and not one of us can help you with that, I fear!

You can actually enter many a home, feel the ambience and talk to people, but you can't really still appreciate what living there might be like. Until you live there. You weigh them all up, in your own mind, and that is what matters.

If you are happy with the decision you and your family make, then that is the best you can ask for at the time. And that will mean a good decision for you.

It may still all turn pear-shaped on you, and you cannot predict that, and I do hope it doesn't turn pear-shaped for you. But you need to be prepared for the fact that it may do just that.

Settling in is different for each and every new resident ... hopefully! So it may go smoothly for your Mum; it may not. So you're on your own there, again.

I am a realist, so hopefully you will understand why nobody out here knows what hurdles may come your way .... and HOPEFULLY NO HURDLES AT ALL.

Best of luck,



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Steve

Good news about your mum. Like the others, I recommend visiting as many homes as you can that are within range. You'll soon rule out the ones that are a definite no-no, and draw up your own short-list.

Try to call at different times of the day, without warning. If you're not made welcome, cross that one off!

Remember to ask about vacancies, and how long a waiting list they have.

It's a definite advantage that your mum will be transferred directly from hospital -- she won't be leaving her own home, and standards of comfort and care will be higher.

Let us know how you get on,


Registered User
Nov 30, 2007
Well we visited some homes over the weekend, limited I have to say by the fact that Mum is being supported by social services. She doesn't have enough money to be self-funding. We saw a nice place that had some rooms with toilets. We asked what the top up would be for one of these rooms as opposed to one of the standard rooms with just a bed and wash basin. I was shocked to hear the manager say £144 pounds per week! That's roughly 7 grand a year, just the first year, goodness knows what it might be next year. It's amazing the cost of these places.

So as I say our choice was limited. We are taking my Mum to see the place we have chosen next weekend. I hope she likes it, although she is quite confused and may not understand. Or she may very well not like it. There isn't much choice though. She can't go back to her flat in sheltered accommodation on doctor's advice. I feel sad about that because it is such a lovely place.

I do wish there was something more we could do but like so many others I guess, we just can't afford to.