1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Mum, 97, in palliative care.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Marcelle123, Dec 2, 2017.

  1. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    18,830
    Male
    North Manchester
    My local charity based hospice runs a 'hospice at home' service.
    If you have a local hospice contact them and ask.
     
  2. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    Wot Beate said!

    An air pressure mattress is a thing of wonder, it has alternating pressure cells, like a ripple effect, so that no one area of the body is subjected to gravity and pressure sores are non-existant/minimised, but Carers do need to turn the person frequently also, for comfort and with an eye to reducing pressure on "bony" areas. Your Mum should be very comfortable.

    I'm not surprised you have lost your momentum, it's you who has been on the spot making decisions, you're probably tired out.
     
  3. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,792
    Female
    Essex
    Hope you are getting some rest, Marcelle. These are stressful times for you and we are all thinking of you as you go through them.
     
  4. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    #104 Marcelle123, Dec 14, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2017
    Thank you, nitram, Prudence and nita.

    The doctor’s recommendations have now been carried out. At eleven o’clock this morning, a district nurse set up a syringe driver to deliver doses of midazolam (a calmative), diamorphine (pain relief) and an anti-emetic ( to counter queasiness caused by morphine). A nurse has also said she'll try to speed up the recommendation that Mum get an airflow mattress to guard against pressure sores – my sister is keeping her eye on these.

    Mum is calmer, but her breathing is laboured, and unfortunately she hasn’t been alert enough to be able to swallow food or drink today – it is pooling in her mouth, and would be dangerous if she can’t swallow.

    I am keeping out of my sister's way as it is better for Mum (who’s very tired) and for the carers to be dealing with one member of the family at a time, but my sister is emailing me or phoning me at regular intervals to keep me abreast, and I am ready to go in if Mum is in immediate danger.

    My sister goes home tomorrow afternoon – or that was her plan originally.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    PS I did pop in briefly this afternoon and had a small talk with my sister, who pointed out that Mum is now on the airflow mattress. She had wondered if oxygen therapy would help, but the district nurse said it wouldn't help at this point. Mum was breathing heavily and not very aware, but more peaceful than when I saw her last.
     
  5. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Good to see your update, Marcelle. Hope you managed some rest last night.

    Hope your mum can continue to stay calm and free of pain and distress. Thinking of you.
     
  6. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    A difficult day for you all Marcelle.
    I imagine your sister will make her own judgement call as to when to go home, big decision.

    Sending a huge hug xxx
     
  7. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,792
    Female
    Essex
    They are doing all the right things for your Mum, Marcelle. They will probably also give her hyoscine for drying up secretions from her mouth. (I read about this on TP.) Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do but wait; it is very hard. Your Mum sounds peaceful though, which is good.
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    Thinking of you Marcelle. I know how hard this stage is. Wishing you all strength.
     
  9. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    We were called by the Care Home this morning to say that Mum had deteriorated. We went up & sat with my sister for an hour, then went home, ready to come and take over from my sister when she went back to Yorkshire. But my sister rang to say that she thought Mum was in danger and she was arranging to stay on another night, so we went up to the home after lunch.

    We got there ten minutes before my mother passed away, peacefully and without pain. My sister and I told her that we loved her and that she'd been a good mother. She died so peacefully that I didn't even notice it. My sister cancelled her room for tonight and set off back up to Yorkshire, after we'd sat with Mum for an hour, waiting for the doctor to come to certify death.

    John and I sat on a while longer, and then the doctor came. The carers at the care home have been wonderful. They have telephoned a local undertaker's and are waiting to have Mum's body taken to a chapel of rest.

    I think all the organisation will probably have to wait until Monday, as it's impossible to organise anything on a Friday night. My lovely husband has made a list of what we need to do and has got the documents together.

    I am feeling very numb but also heavily sad - pleased, though, that Mum didn't linger for days or weeks as I think can sometimes happen, and that she passed peacefully and without pain while my sister was visiting, and that John and I were there too.

    Thank you for all the support that you've given me on this thread.
    Love to you all. xx
     
  10. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to read your sad news Marcelle. It has been a long journey and I'm glad that your mum has now found peace - also that you were all with her when she passed.

    Sending my sincere condolences and wishing you strength.
     
  11. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,629
    Female
    London
    I'm so sorry, Marcelle. You read my thread so you'll know the process. You'll need the medical certificate from the doctor to obtain a death certificate from the registry office. Everything else comes after, but take your time to grieve.

    It's probably good that the end was quick - just like with John.
     
  12. Prudence9

    Prudence9 Registered User

    Oct 8, 2016
    478
    And love to you Marcelle xxx

    I'm so sorry, but very glad you were with your Mum and that she passed away so peacefully.

    Please look after yourself now and let your lovely husband pamper you over this weekend.

    Take care xxx
     
  13. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Oh, Marcelle, I am so sad to hear your update. I am glad that you were all able to be with your mother at the end.

    The numbness is not uncommon. Do what you can, and please try to be kind to yourself and look after yourself as best as you can manage right now.

    Please accept my condolences. We are all thinking of you.
     
  14. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,066
    Merseyside
    I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you xx
     
  15. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,031
    Female
    Chester
    Sorry to hear this, my thoughts are with you.
     
  16. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,478
    London
    So sorry to read your sad news my thoughts are with you. Xx
     
  17. gene genie

    gene genie Registered User

    Apr 26, 2017
    178
    So pleased your mum passed peacefully and that you and your sister both had the chance to be with her and tell her you loved her.
    Be reassured she is safe and out of all the badness of the world.
    Concentrate on you now and just go with whatever feels right for you.
    Will pray for you again tonight much love. Hugs.
     
  18. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,725
    Male
    Bristol
    Sorry to read your sad news Marcelle.
     
  19. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thank you, everyone, for your kindness; also for your prayers.

    Mum's been taken to the chapel of rest now.
    The funeral directors will get in touch with us on Monday.
    Tomorrow we'll take everything home from Mum's room at the care home.

    I had many happy visits with her over the past year, and in some ways drew closer to her than I ever have been.

    Now I don't have to worry about her any more. She was a loving mother to six children, who survived the loss of my father by half her lifetime - 48 years. Also a beloved grandmother, and great-grandmother.

    She'll be loved and remembered for a very long time.
     
  20. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,792
    Female
    Essex
    I am sorry, Marcelle. Wishing you peace in the sad days ahead. I too had a feeling of relief that my Mum was no longer suffering. Eventually you will remember her as she was when she was well. I am afraid that, as it was for me at Christmas last year, things will be delayed but rely on your husband to take over the official side as far as possible. Thinking of you.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.