Mum ‘being kept comfortable’.

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Jesskle66, Sep 19, 2018.

  1. Jesskle66

    Jesskle66 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2014
    99
    Mum has been in her nursing home for over 3 years following being sectioned for 9 months with mixed dementia. About 2 months ago she stopped eating more than a few mouthfuls a day, and sometimes she would go a whole day without fluid. Then a month ago she stopped getting out of bed and was being turned every two hours. It seems that the end is near as the doctor phoned yesterday to say that there was a notable deterioration since he last saw a couple of weeks ago and all the staff could do is keep her comfortable. I made what I think is the logical conclusion to that, that the end is approaching soon. I went and sat with her for a few hours yesterday evening and she had her eyes half closed the whole time, occasionally crying out, and responsive with a word or two when the nurses were doing their checks, but apart from that was in her own world. It seems ridiculous how upset I am as I thought I had done my grieving. We have both taken the day off work today to go and sit with her. I feel so badly for my husband as we only lost his mum a few months ago. I know there is probably nothing new in this post to help anyone else. I was praying for her to go yesterday to get it over with.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    5,023
    N Ireland
    Hello @Jesskle66, I’m sorry to read about your situation.

    I hope your Mum remains comfortable and wish you and your husband the strength needed at this difficult time.
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,146
    Female
    Dundee
    Thinking of you @Jesskle66. I can understand your emotion. We grieve more than once with dementia. Wishing you strength and wishing your mum peace.
     
  4. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    3,705
    south-east London
    Thinking of you at this difficult and stressful time. I am glad that your mum is being kept comfortable. Take time to take care of yourselves too - it's so easy for us to stop doing that at times like this.
     
  5. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Its V hard, and could go on for some time. Ring the Dr back and talk- ''Keeping someone comfortable'' can mean they have an infection or somesuch which its decided best not to treat or test for if its invasive.
    I wouldnt immediately jump to the conclusion that the end is imminet
     
  6. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    I am sorry to hear about your situation @Jesskle66
    My mum too has been in a nursing home for three years and her dementia is now very advanced. Like you I cannot imagine grieving more than I already have, but I guess I will when the time comes....
    I hope your mum stays comfortable and peaceful and I wish you strength at this difficult time.
    Lindy xx

    PS I agree with @Jessbow, maybe try to get more information from the GP x
     
  7. Timeout

    Timeout Registered User

    Feb 10, 2012
    204
    I can echo that the end may not be imminent, my mum has been 'kept comfortable' for over 2 and a half years now. She also goes through phases where she doesn't eat much but she powers through and bounces back. She does have a possible cancer diagnosis now (possible as they won't do any invasive tests) but she still keeps on going. Sending you strength, it can be a long, hard road.
     
  8. Jesskle66

    Jesskle66 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2014
    99
    Many thanks for all your replies. The nursing home confirmed that mum only has a few days left in all likelihood. I have been with her ever since apart from going home to get a few hours sleep. Today mum can’t talk anymore although at times it is clear she has heard me from her facial responses. Having endured aggression and violence for the last 4 years it is quite healing to be with mum at this stage, playing her music on my phone and reading her the text messages I am getting from her friends. I have periods of weeping but am grateful to the nursing home of their care of me at this time as well as mum. Mum is beyond eating but they keep popping in to feed me tea cakes and whatever is on the go.
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,146
    Female
    Dundee
    Wishing your mum peace and wishing you continued strength. I'm glad you're being taken care of.
     
  10. try again

    try again Registered User

    Jun 21, 2018
    270
    Thinking of you at this difficult time. Hope everything is peaceful.
     
  11. Jesskle66

    Jesskle66 Registered User

    Jul 5, 2014
    99
    Thanks for your support, all. My mum passed away very peacefully at 5.15 am on Saturday morning. I had stayed with her the night and it was an incredibly private experience.
    We just collected the certificate you give to the registrar from the doctor and it gives dementia (Alzheimer’s) as cause of death. I didn’t think dementia was actually the cause of death as she was still able to talk, swallow, etc? Also, she didn’t have Alzheimer's, she had Lewy Body and picks disease. Am I just being picky or would you expect the doctor to at least get the cause of death right?
     
  12. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    I am sorry to hear this news @Jesskle66 but am glad that your mum passed away peacefully.
    Personally I would have hoped that the doctor could give a more accurate cause of death, but I guess there's not much that can be done now :(
    I wish you continued strength at this difficult time.
    Take care
    Lindy xx
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,122
    Kent
    Yes I know how you feel. You can let go of all the bad times now your mother has let go of the aggression and just be at peace with her in her final days.
     
  14. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,191
    Female
    East Midlands
    So sorry to read about you mum but at least she will be at peace now from this dreadful illness. Maybe the dr used dementia as the overall general term for the cause of death. RIP to your mum & sending you hugs xx
     

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