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Mum’s been in respite and it did not go well :(

Austinsmum

Registered User
Oct 7, 2012
304
0
Melton Mowbray
Haven’t been around much lately as things have been getting quite difficult at home with mum and her AD. Anyway, my husband is working on the harvest and I got 10 days work away from home - cue emergency respite. SS found her a place just down the road with a very good reputation :) Although mum’s comprehension is pretty bad generally, (and like most people her age is frightened at the concept of being ‘put in a home’) she accepted the brief sojourn with equanimity. However, when I went to collect her she couldn’t scoot out the door fast enough. Talking to the staff I gleaned that she’s been wandering in and out of everyone’s rooms day and night - sounds normal to me ;) Anyway, her nocturnal wanderings caused a problem and I strongly suspect she got chastised and ‘encouraged’ to stay in her room (not en-suite). I say this because she started peeing in her waste basket, and when they removed this, she peed in a drawer - why didn’t they give her a commode? They also told me she was reluctant to take care of her personal hygiene. Mum told my daughter they forced her to take a shower and stripped her clothes off :eek: Now I agree she is backward at coming forward about showering but given some gently persuasion by my daughter, she will shower with help and will volunteer to wash her hair in the sink separately here at home. And just to make things even more uncomfortable for her, buzzers and beepers were going off constantly. Now she’s autistic and sharp noises alone are enough to drive her demented. Poor woman must have been beside herself. I mentioned to the staff was there anyway she could have more peace and quite? Absolutely not! The alarms are for everyones safety. I suggested earplugs or similar at night and they were very off hand about me suggesting they change their system.
Sorry to offload but I feel she’s been let down badly and we’ve had a safety net taken away.
p.s. I rang our Social Worker to discuss these issues this morning and the receptionist said the SW was in the building and would ring straight back.........
 

angecmc

Registered User
Dec 25, 2012
2,108
0
hertfordshire
Hi, sorry to hear respite didnt go well for your Mum, its a real shame. Are there any other homes you could choose for another time? I checked beforehand to make sure the carehome at least had an ensuite loo. I didnt like the care home Mum was in for respite and told sw that we didnt want mum back in there and chose two others, however, unfortunately Mum got so bad at one point that we had no choice but to let them put her back in the one we didnt want, while there it was decided that Dad could no longer cope with Mum, so move needed to be permanent, we refused to put her into this particular home permanently and asked for her to be moved into one of our two choices as soon as a place was available, thankfully it wasnt for too long, her home now is lovely a complete contrast to the previous one. Mum of course will never be happy wherever she is, but we know she is being well cared for. Each door has a lock on the inside so residents if capable can shut themselves away, they can be unlocked from the outside, it gives Mum some peace away from other residents. There are some good homes out there, check them out, hopefully you may find a more suitable one for your Mum next time. Good luck xx

Ange
 

Mamsgirl

Registered User
Jun 2, 2013
635
0
Melbourne, Australia
Keep hold of that safety net!:)

If your mother is on the autism spectrum, surely allowances and extra accommodations should be made. A quieter place with en suite bathroom might have prevented a good deal of the unsettled behaviour, and saved the poor woman's dignity.

Shuddering at the thought of you losing hope of respite, great recipe for burnout. Time to broaden the search criteria?

All the best,
Toni
 

Austinsmum

Registered User
Oct 7, 2012
304
0
Melton Mowbray
Hi, sorry to hear respite didnt go well for your Mum, its a real shame. Are there any other homes you could choose for another time? I checked beforehand to make sure the carehome at least had an ensuite loo. I didnt like the care home Mum was in for respite and told sw that we didnt want mum back in there and chose two others, however, unfortunately Mum got so bad at one point that we had no choice but to let them put her back in the one we didnt want, while there it was decided that Dad could no longer cope with Mum, so move needed to be permanent, we refused to put her into this particular home permanently and asked for her to be moved into one of our two choices as soon as a place was available, thankfully it wasnt for too long, her home now is lovely a complete contrast to the previous one. Mum of course will never be happy wherever she is, but we know she is being well cared for. Each door has a lock on the inside so residents if capable can shut themselves away, they can be unlocked from the outside, it gives Mum some peace away from other residents. There are some good homes out there, check them out, hopefully you may find a more suitable one for your Mum next time. Good luck xx

Ange

Thank you Ange for the tip about the door locks - didn’t know that was an option. Will look into that for the future. X
 

Austinsmum

Registered User
Oct 7, 2012
304
0
Melton Mowbray
Keep hold of that safety net!:)

If your mother is on the autism spectrum, surely allowances and extra accommodations should be made. A quieter place with en suite bathroom might have prevented a good deal of the unsettled behaviour, and saved the poor woman's dignity.

Shuddering at the thought of you losing hope of respite, great recipe for burnout. Time to broaden the search criteria?

All the best,
Toni

Thank you for your support Toni, I am casting my net wider now and compiling a list of homes to visit. Won’t take other people’s word for it this time!