1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. DaughterMP

    DaughterMP Registered User

    Aug 23, 2015
    5
    My Mum gets really anxious and rings me repeatedly.
    Up to 50 times a day.
    I answer 3 or 4 times then unplug the phone because my reassurance does not help and I find myself getting frazzled.
    Mum has pain and the GP has prescribed pain relief but carers only visit once a day and meds are locked in a safe.
    I live over 150 miles away and am thinking does she need respite care?
    Daughter feeling overwhelmed!
     
  2. Mrsbusy

    Mrsbusy Registered User

    Aug 15, 2015
    356
    Don't know about respite but needs more support by the sound of it. Has she been assessed by the local team or a social worker? Is she getting any medication for the anxiety or are her meds causing the anxiety?

    Just my opinion but if she's this anxious maybe she needs day centre visits in the week, or more carers popping in. Sounds lonely to me can you speak to her GP ? Don't think I would unplug the phone just in case of emergency but would let it go to message instead.

    Has she deteriorated in other ways too? Is she eating? Getting more confused? Washing? Maybe keep a diary of what she's worried about or what carer says and show to GP or send him email with details and ask him to visit.

    Hope this helps.
     
  3. DaughterMP

    DaughterMP Registered User

    Aug 23, 2015
    5
    Thank you for your prompt reply...

    She is on the list to be assessed by social services, also been referred today to safeguarding due to potential self neglect so this is in the system. Has meds for anxiety - propranolol - but memory doc thinks not helping, we are awaiting GP/pharmacy to get their act together to commence Arricept. She has paracetamol in the mornings. Have spoken to GP surgery today. Am in process of considering day centre visits but often takes time to get these things sorted. My Mum very reluctant to engage socially even though she is very lonely. GP visited on Friday last. She worries about "going crazy" but does not want to hear her diagnosis and she worries about my brother who lives in residential care.

    My Mum has history of mental health problems and a growing team of support BUT...it is so frustrating since I feel like the main person co-ordinating the care.

    In an emergency I think my Mum could ring 999 so feel ok about unplugging the phone.

    I need to keep myself as well as possible so I can sort things out and try and keep my head a bit together!

    Thanks for the space to let off steam!
     
  4. DaughterMP

    DaughterMP Registered User

    Aug 23, 2015
    5
    Hi

    It sounds like you had a difficult time with your Mum, ad thank you for your insight.

    My Mum has rung a few times in the middle of the night, and has started thinking it is night-time in the early afternoon.

    I don't have any other family nearer than me :( apart from my brother who is unwell himself and cannot really help. Unfortunately she has fallen out with her neighbours and all of friends many years ago. Her neighbours do help me..put her bin out, have my contact details if they are concerned.

    I am trying to build up a support network of my friends who still live in the same town, however they have offered to help many times in the past and been rebuked by my mother so we don't have positive relationship to build on.

    I thought I'd try to support her in her own home, however I am wondering whether it is too much for both of us.
     
  5. Bessieb

    Bessieb Registered User

    Jun 2, 2014
    108
    I can completely relate to your situation DaughterMP. My parents were 150 miles away from me with no other family support and I used to get the phone calls that were so stressful. Sometimes just anxiety and sometimes practical matters (couldn't remember how to use the remote control, lost the kettle etc etc). Even when I put in a full care package for them the phone calls didn't stop as care doesn't continue through the night.

    It sounds as if you might need to start thinking about a solution more local to you for if you can't cope with it any more. In the end it all became too much for me and I had to move my parents to a CH near me. Although it hasn't stopped the phone calls it does mean that I know they are safe and cared and so I have more confidence in ignoring the phone. I know that the CH will call me if there is a real problem. And I don't have the stresses of trying to run their house from 150 miles away as well as my own.

    Good luck with it - I know the decision are difficult.
     
  6. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    I wasn't quite so far away but as my mum lived alone the logistics of organising her care from a distance eventually became impossible to sustain. She did gave friends but they were all equally elderly/frail so couldn't help much or even visit. Mum constantly said she was fed up and lonely, so I arranged to move her to a care home near me which also meant she could see her grand-daughter and baby great grandson often.

    I can't say she was happy, but she was safe and well-cared for and no longer at risk of hurting herself (eg by leaving the gas on unlit:eek:). I'd start thinking about this option as it may take a while even if (like my mum) your mum would be self-funding.
     

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