Moving to eol care

[Vegpatch]

Dad suffered his 3rd stroke 10 days ago & has been declining ever since. On pureed food & thickened drinks since the stroke, immobile & deteriorating quickly.
He's refused pretty much all food and drink for 2 days now, and is sleeping / non responsive.
He'll have an injection today to help with the secretions in his throat as unable to swallow properly anymore.
After such a long journey through alzheimers (many many years) the end seems to be coming so quickly now...and I'm an emotional mess.
I've always been the factual, pragmatic one, battling for support, care and sorting finances etc out...but today I've just been in tears. So hard to see my gorgeous dad so frail & struggling to swallow.
We're now on day by day 'watch', waiting for the phone to go & get the call to go to the NH. Feeling guilty for not being there more & not being with mum 24/7 (I live over an hour away & have 3 young children). I dont think theres an ideal answer to this situation.
Just venting in a safe place x

 

[Bunpoots]

I know how you feel. My big strong dad, my hero, it’s not easy...

 

[Splashing About]

Such a hard time for you and occupies your thoughts constantly. I’ve been at that stage with my mum (and then she rallied). I fell apart but I think the months of stress beforehand contributed to my quick breakdown. it’s hard when you have a family to care for and that distance

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Dad suffered his 3rd stroke 10 days ago & has been declining ever since. On pureed food & thickened drinks since the stroke, immobile & deteriorating quickly.
He's refused pretty much all food and drink for 2 days now, and is sleeping / non responsive.
He'll have an injection today to help with the secretions in his throat as unable to swallow properly anymore.
After such a long journey through alzheimers (many many years) the end seems to be coming so quickly now...and I'm an emotional mess.
I've always been the factual, pragmatic one, battling for support, care and sorting finances etc out...but today I've just been in tears. So hard to see my gorgeous dad so frail & struggling to swallow.
We're now on day by day 'watch', waiting for the phone to go & get the call to go to the NH. Feeling guilty for not being there more & not being with mum 24/7 (I live over an hour away & have 3 young children). I dont think theres an ideal answer to this situation.
Just venting in a safe place x

oh my lovely, i sat by my dad for days - went home to eat & get a quick kip etc & the phone rang....
i'm afraid your priority is your beautiful children & their needs, you cannot change the inevitable & your dad wouldn't want you pulling yourself to bits over this.
easy to say i know ...
Be strong & try & find some time to sit with Dad on your own & just tell him everything you are feeling, he's still your Dad & Dads like to be there for their girls !
precious time if you can manage it - i look back & always think i could have done more!
i'm afraid that's the love we have .....

i also found it helpful to write my Dad a letter, i wanted him to know how i felt about everything. i placed it with him on his final journey & truly believe that he knows how torn i was by everything.

i hope you find some comfort or solace in my sharing my own experience with you. i have had to learn that grief is an actual physical ache & catches you when least expected.

i hope your dads journey is peaceful & send you & your family my support & love for this part of your dementia journey .
xxxx

 

[Vegpatch]

Oh bless you....we've now been sat with him since midnight as we were called back in. Deteriorating, but slowly now.

I've held his hand, talked to him, told him how much I love him. I'll be at peace when he passes.

Feel so lucky to have been able to spend time with him each week, to have spoon fed him last week, to have memories of my children playing balloons with him some months ago.

My fabulous husband is supporting the children today (all they know is that grandad is poorly), as I also want to be here to support my 87 yo mum, and dont want to be a 3 hour round trip away.

Theres no perfect solution is there. So so hope he is at rest soon. Xx

 

[canary]

No, there is no perfect solution at this stage @Vegpatch , but you are doing the best you can.

Holding your virtual hand through this time
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Philbo]

Oh bless you....we've now been sat with him since midnight as we were called back in. Deteriorating, but slowly now.

I've held his hand, talked to him, told him how much I love him. I'll be at peace when he passes.

Feel so lucky to have been able to spend time with him each week, to have spoon fed him last week, to have memories of my children playing balloons with him some months ago.

My fabulous husband is supporting the children today (all they know is that grandad is poorly), as I also want to be here to support my 87 yo mum, and dont want to be a 3 hour round trip away.

Theres no perfect solution is there. So so hope he is at rest soon. Xx

My thoughts are with you.

I went through this in January when my lovely wife ended her 6 year "journey" due to this horrible disease (she was just 69).

How she lasted the last 6 days I shall never know and the end came as a blessed relief, though utterly heartbreaking.

I hope that you and the family help each other through this terrible time.

God bless.
Phil

 

[Vegpatch]

Thankyou everyone.

Dad passed away this afternoon...quickly and peacefully at the very end. My brother had gone to get an hour's sleep, I had popped out to get mums insulin. I think he 'knew' it was just him & mum.

So so sad....but also so relieved that his dementia journey has come to a peaceful end.

...& now for all the practicalities...

Love & hugs to those going through the same xxxx

 

[canary]

Im sorry to hear your news, but Im glad it was peaceful and not long drawn out
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[Bunpoots]

I’m sorry for your loss @Vegpatch but glad it was a peaceful end.

 

[Woo2]

My condolences to you and your family @Vegpatch . Take care and go easy with yourself .