moving to care home

[esinedee]

My mum, who has fairly advanced dementia is moving into a care home tomorrow from extra care sheltered accommodation flat, any tips would be helpful

A few questions hopefully someone can answer:

I am busy putting labels on clothes, what do you do about pop-socks?

Should I take her own sheets?

This is an important one, when will her pension stop, she is fully funded?

This has happened quite quickly, I have a week's holiday booked in this country from Saturday, no refund if I cancel, should I still go?

Many thanks
Esined

 

[love.dad.but..]

Difficult time for but many of us have been through this situation of placing a loved one in a care home. Others with more ideas will give input. I label everything including socks and personal possessions. Take some familiar things for your mum to put in her room. Depending on the care home dad has his own chair table and nic nacs that were important to him 2 years ago...sadly interest or obsession in some items has gone. The care home will provide sheets but for dad initially I took his double duvet and familiar covers to help him settle. He was used to a double bed so moving to a single would have been strange for an elderly gent who like to tuck his bedclothes around him. Over time he moved onto single duvet and their covers as he became less aware. Sort out only enough to get mum started then do more after your break. Yes I would go on your break and phone the home a couple of times if you feel you want to. As a self funder like my dad she is entitled to keep her attendance allowance if she isn't receiving claim asap and keep all of her state pension. Hope it goes well have a good break to recharge your batteries. There will be blips with the move but we all get through it.

 

[canary]

Hello Esinedee
It is a very emotional time when someone you love moves into a care home. On one hand there is the sense of relief that finally, they will be getting the care they need, but on the other hand there is the sadness that it has got to that stage and feeling that perhaps they dont need to after all.......

Firstly, dont tell her until very last minute that she is going to the home so that she doesnt have a chance to fret and perhaps not even then. You may have to resort to love lies (we are going for a cup of tea at a nice hotel) to get her there. When you get there staple a bright smile on your face and go in with a bright and breezy attitude of "isnt everything lovely". People with dementia are often very good at picking up body language and if she picks up that you dont want her to be there it will make her very agitated. NOT CRY IN FRONT OF HER. When it is time to leave, do not do a long drawn out goodbye. Choose a time when she has something else to distract her, perhaps a meal or an activity. If there is nothing else then get one of the staff to show her "something important". Then just say that you have to go now, but you will be back soon and go. You can then go and unstaple your bright smile and cry in the carpark. It helps if you have planned to do something for yourself afterwards - a cup of tea in a cafe, buying a new top, or whatever. Remind yourself that she will be safe and looked after.

Sheets should be provided. Mum does have not pop-socks, but I have put a name label attached to each individual ordinary sock at the top where it is thickest. Mum is self-funding, so I dont know about when the pension stops - I expect someone else will know.

Do go on holiday. It will give your mum a chance to settle and Im sure you need it. Have a lovely time

 

[katiered]

Definately go on hols!

Hi, from my experience it is a time of mixed emotions and can be tough but definitely go on holiday, I am sure you need the break and as you say you are in the UK so if there were any problems you could come back but I am sure the home will be happy to keep in touch with you if you are worried whilst away.

Label all that you can, my dads in a home so didn't have the pop socks issue! It may be that you could stitch a certain colour cotton into them so you are able to identify them as your mums rather than try and stitch their name in.

I doubt you would need to take her own sheets but if there is a certain duvet / blanket that is familiar to her that could make it feel more homely and comforting for her.

I am not sure about the pension side of things, sorry.
Hope it all goes ok and enjoy your holiday
x

 

[melly23]

Go on holiday

Hi

I am new to talking point. I came across your post and felt I had to reply. I agree with the other post saying go away on holiday, this will give your mum time to settle in her new environment. What a really good idea to take sheets for the bed they are familiar to her. I feel that when the time comes for my dad who at the moment is in early stages of dementia needs to have the safety of an environment. I would talk about the new place. I f you have visited the place yourself you could talk about the things you have seen and get mums ideas on how she feels. I am sure it is a very difficult time, especially with the transition being sooner then you anticipated.

Melanie

 

[esinedee]

Thank you all, I have decided to go on holiday and ring up the care home to see she is ok, I'll visit every day before I go.

Gosh I didn't realise how many labels I would need, just about run out, and just how much paperwork there is........ yes definitely having the holiday!!

 

[Lets_Stop_Time]

money wise you may have a disregard period so don't stress just yet. For us the pension goes straight to pay off a portion of the care bill, I think we sorted it all through the government pensions department