Moving on up ... nothing gonna stop me ..

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Sam Luvit, Jun 19, 2019.

  1. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,790
    Female
    Essex
    You know what to do, @Sam Luvit ! You've had plenty of experience. As others have said, you'll be fine.
     
  2. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    It’s that first day in a new job feeling :rolleyes:
     
  3. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    It’s finding places and then parking, then finding out how to get in :eek:
     
  4. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    That’s day one done ...:rolleyes:

    So, first call. No house number, just a building name. I drove up and down, then phoned a friend. I ended up abandoning the car and walking around till I found it. Of course, the key then wouldn’t work so I phoned the emergency number :rolleyes: I was bang on time, but this was going to make me late. It was a double handed call, the other Carer was already there (she was early), so she had to let me in

    Really not sure what was going on, but the client kept asking the other Carer if I was “that Sam”, because they don’t like “that Sam” :eek: Apparently “that Sam” is lazy, so the other Carer just gets on and does the call solo. Needless to say, I was walked around and felt like a spare part :( Everything I suggested I could do, had already been done. (How early was she???). I was allowed to help with the hoist, which was nearly a disaster as tut other Carer starting hoisting before I’d got the bottom strap attached :eek:

    When we left I asked the other Carer to show me whatever the knack was with the front door key ... she couldn’t get the door to open either, so I’ve no idea how she got in o_O She was friendly after that

    Second call. Solo. I got called “Dear” a lot :p I think I’d rather wipe a bottom than empty a commode :eek: I got the feeling that maybe people don’t stay with her the full time :(, we sat and chatted when everything was finished, she said it was so nice o_O

    Third call. Another property name with no number :( I found it eventually. She was lovely and we chatted so much I overstayed :rolleyes: Fortunately I had an hour till the last one :D

    What a palaver :eek: They gave me the details for the front entrance (that you can’t get into), so I had to phone the emergency number again. I found the right entrance (in a different road :eek:), had to phone again, as no code. Then the code was wrong, so she had to find another clients notes to get the right one. Just to make it complete ... no key in the safe :eek: Luckily someone was leaving and let me in the main door, but the poor client had to come out to let me in her flat :(

    She didn’t want any help, I made her a drink and gave her meds. I felt a right fraud, sitting chatting but not doing anything o_O I felt so bad I stayed later with her too :rolleyes:

    Final call to the emergency number to let them know, definately no key in the safe and I couldn’t see it in the flat either. Someone must have taken it home in their pocket :eek:

    I know none of it was my fault per say, but having to phone the emergency number that many times on my first day did not feel good. I called them five times in four hours :(

    Still, it’s done. Tomorrow will no doubt have more challenges for me to navigate :rolleyes:
     
  5. nita

    nita Registered User

    Dec 30, 2011
    1,790
    Female
    Essex
    What a shambles - where are these keys, correct safe combinations, etc. going!!! Why didn't they warn you about entrances in different roads? It makes you wonder how other people have been getting on or maybe they've just been skipping the calls? You are right to use the time to chat with the clients if they don't need anything else done - some of our ones just sat there on their phones after doing the minimum.

    It sounds like the people who live on their own could really do with some companionship, so you are doing a good job.

    The first carer you worked with should have reassured the lady you weren't "that Sam", you were in fact "Samantha" and you were a very good carer!
     
  6. Bikerbeth

    Bikerbeth Registered User

    Feb 11, 2019
    107
    Bedford
    #106 Bikerbeth, Jul 21, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2019
    For someone like my Mum in early stages the chatting is more important than the ‘housekeeping’ her Carers are employed to do so never feel a fraud. The chatting is so important. Well done on day 1
     
  7. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    One Carer said they are forever going home with clients keys in their pockets, while another said they spent so long trying to get in, they were too late and skipped the call @nita :eek: I understand that the actual address is xxx Road, but it wouId be helpful to add a note that the entrance is in yyy Road :rolleyes: As for the wrong combination for the key safe ... :(

    My phone goes on the table, with my rota and I don’t touch it till I leave. That was my rule when I was working in an office, I took a very dim view of any staff who broke that rule .... so I do the same ;)

    Many of the clients live alone, they might have a relative who visits at the weekend for a few hours, so the carers visits are the only human contact they have. It’s a lot easier chatting with a stranger for thirty minutes than it was trying to chat with my mum for sixteen hours a day, every day :eek:, so I’m going to keep smiling, laughing and chatting for as long as I can :D I get to go home, read a book, watch TV etc when I’m finished for the day :)

    From what I can find out so far ,,, there isn’t another Sam. Heaven knows what the conversation was before I arrived :eek:, but I suspect it wasn’t good. I just kept saying “it’s my first day, you’re my first call ever, so I’m not that Sam”.

    For all that, all four clients said they wouId like me to come again :p, so I can’t have been that bad
     
  8. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    Yes @Bikerbeth, early stages is very much about reducing anxiety and increasing a feeling of self worth, but, I know how much it costs :eek: and I was told “no thank you” to pad changes, washing (o_O) etc, I literally handed over some meds and made a drink. Then chatted about the weather and the importance of keeping hydrated :rolleyes: I admitted that I’m a nag about drinking and got a laugh.

    It is sad that everyone I’ve met so far has commented, one way or another, that “getting old is no fun”. :(

    Thank you :oops: Tomorrow I have twice the number of calls :eek:, but Tuesday I have three times as many :eek::eek: Hopefully we will all survive :rolleyes:
     
  9. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    Well. Day two was better and worse :rolleyes:

    One shouted at me to go away and lock the door :eek: I’d not even got inside the door. Apparently they do that a lot :(

    Then a double handed, where the other Carer talked to me like I was dumb :rolleyes: I kept smiling and trying. I’m going to have to go into the office ... the sheet was damp, slightly wet, not sodden .. but she said we are not changing it as she’s not touching it due to pads etc. It felt so wrong to not change the sheet :eek: I know I should report it, but I also know it will cause a right rumpus with that Carer. It’s my second day in the job. I really don’t want the “politics”, but I also don’t feel what happened was right. Made much worse by the fact the client was not messed and I was shoved out her room and we sat in a different room doing nothing for about twenty minutes. The other Carer ignored me and sat texting :eek: I washed up, put things away and tried talking, I didn’t get much response till I gave her some info that was to her benefit about a car issue she was having :( It felt all wrong :(

    I had two more calls with the wrong info to get into the building (one with the wrong road for access :mad:), another who is very sweet, but wants to do everything her way and very, very slowly ... made me late .. but she said I was lovely and she was very comfy in bed :) That made me feel good

    Oh my giddy aunt ... I nearly had a blooming heart attack at one. Wrong address. Eventually found how to get in. Staggered up several flights of stairs (I’m definitely going to shed a few pounds) ... door wedged open .. lights on.. TV on .... no sign of her. I checked twice. No sign. I’m thinking of searching with @margi, visualising her having fallen somewhere. In the end I phoned the emergency number. Apparently she goes visiting her neighbours :eek:

    Tracked her down, got her home and tried to get on with the job :rolleyes: She was such a sweetheart I didn’t have the heart to just stay the fifteen minutes left of her call :rolleyes: Yes, that meant I was late for the rest of the night

    My last call, by which time I’m running twenty minutes late and the office are chasing me too :eek: Couldn’t get in. Not much point in saying the key safe is behind the bins, when it’s bin day tomorrow and the blooming bins are in the street :eek: Another call to the emergency number

    Anyway, this was the one call I was dreading. My first man :eek: Yes I know I have sons, but it’s a bit different. Well it is to me :eek:

    To say we got off on the wrong foot wouId be the understatement of the century. I apologised for being late. Said it was my second day and I’d not been able to find some places, really sorry, not excusing it, but just apologised for being late ... he was not happy. Pretty aggressive.

    I managed to calm him, even managed to make a tea that he said was good :eek: I really can’t make tea :rolleyes: He didn’t want anything. No wash. No getting ready for bed. No nothing. He said I could go, he’d sign whatever, he just wanted to go to bed (but I wasn’t allowed to help).

    I figured he was embarrassed and feeling awkward, so I sat down and talked to him. He started talking, told me about his wife and when she died, about how he just wants to be with her :( He was so down, so very very sad. He’s in a ton of physical pain (from an accident) and emotional pain and doesn’t want to be here

    I did get him to laugh ;), he said it was a pleasure to meet me and he hopes I’ll go again o_O, might be something to do with me telling him have a smoke if he wanted to (never seen anyone light up so fast), but hopefully it wasn’t just that :rolleyes:

    I went from dreading going, to hoping I get to go again

    Life’s pretty funny how things turn about

    I got home after eleven :eek:, instead of before ten, Pooch was not impressed. He’s not happy with me going out, but if he wants to eat ...:rolleyes:

    What will day three and the end of my first week bring ?
     
  10. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Thanks for your update, Sam - it sounds very challenging, but also very worthwhile.

    Hope Day Three is the best it can be. xx
     
  11. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    387
    Female
    High Peak
    Can't help but admire your...hmmm what's the word I am looking for? Grit? Yes, grit :)

    I would not have lasted the first hour!

    Hopefully once you've got to know the clients (and where the entrances to their houses are!) it will feel a bit less stressed and shambolic.
     
  12. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    I ache. I hurt so much. My back. My knees. But I did it @Marcelle123 ;) I got through day three :)

    Some of the clients made it plain they were not happy with a “new” girl :rolleyes:, that’s hard for me, I’ll go where I’m sent, but if I’m honest, I don’t want to go somewhere I’m not wanted. That’s not why I’m trying to do this o_O

    I was back in with the one who screamed at me to go away yesterday ... today I got one step in and was told to go away ... at least it was polite this time :D
     
  13. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    Lol. You might call it grit ... I’m calling it lots of things @Jaded'n'faded :eek: I think I’m a complete eejit, I’m delusional to think I can do this, I’m ... you get the picture :rolleyes: I’m also one determined person and I’ve said I’ll give it a month ... :rolleyes:

    My first call I went to last week when shadowing, so it was vaguely familiar. It was double handed and this time the other Carer was lovely. The client however was in a foul mood :eek: When she started shouting at me, I told her not to. Oh boy, the look on her face :D No darling, I’m not your punch bag. Been there. Done that. Trust me @Jaded'n'faded ... after three years of caring for mum and taking the emotional punches ... telling a client not to shout was easy :p You’d be fine ;)

    Yes, I went to another call, went yesterday, but this time I knew the right entrance this time :D She’s a total sweetheart. So embarrassed about yesterday, but I said it was fine. I think it’s great that she’s still being sociable and visiting with neighbours ... so what if it makes a carers life a bit difficult ... she’s living. Personally I think she’s doing amazing.
     
  14. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    Im so tired. My back is on fire. I’m doing that flat footed shuffle. But ... I have survived my fist week :D YES. :p

    We did a round of five double handed calls. Several clients biatched about me being there, coz I know nothing :( One was just plain nasty to me :( I walked away and came back trying to put a smile on my face. That’s tough

    My double up was someone who’d cared for mum. I think that maybe me taking the wipes at the second call and asking her to check I was doing it right, that might have changed her opinion of me. I’m not just doing it for the money, I actually want to “get stuck in”. This Carer, with years of experience, then told me some of the things going on in her life. When we finished tonight, she said she’d be happy to work with me again ;) She said I’m good :D

    I feel good ... I knew (hoped) that I would
     
  15. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    I forgot ... in my excitement at having four days off ...

    My ten hours became sixteen as I got more added, then agreed to do extra as I was driving to a call :rolleyes:

    I think I’ve proved to the office that I can and will juggle :D

    I got a call to say the double round wouId be late starting as they were asking the other Carer to do a safety check on a client. Instead of taking the easy route and sitting outside the first call and reading a book and waiting for her, I suggested I did the check. It just seemed like the sensible thing to do
     
  16. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,470
    @Sam Luvit I think you are amazing and wish you all the luck in the world.
     
  17. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,471
    East Sussex
    Thank you :oops: I’m not fully convinced I can do this, but I’m giving it my best shot ;)
     
  18. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    #118 love.dad.but.., Jul 24, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2019
    Please don't over do it...your willingness to help...your ameniable flexibility in juggling and before you know it your hours are regularly increasing...your back...even if the agency haven't given you a probation period - give yourself a probation timescale and assess how you feel, your body feels and if you are getting the job satisfaction you are searching for.
    Edited to say...glad you are mostly enjoying it so far though...even the grumpy parts deja vu.
     
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,024
    Female
    Chester
    I second this. I'm worrying about you.

    It's not a case of proving to the agency you can juggle, but showing them you will stick to your guns otherwise they will ask for more and more. Please don't take on too many hours otherwise you won't cope and will be miserable. I suspect they need you more than you need them.

    Please don't let the desire to make people's lives a little bit better overrule your head. There is only so much you can do on a 15 minute or half hour call.

    You do need compassion in your job, but you need to remember this is a job and you walk away at the end of the day.

    I suspect, as a new carer, you may well get hostess mode from some, or anger from others, I remember the problems it caused @Slugsta when her mum wasn't where she was meant to be when carers called.

    My mum's initial calls were just for medication, the carers always said she double checked the tablets and knew better than them what she should be taking. This was hostess mode and trying to prove she could do it, however if they hadn't called she wouldn't have taken them or maybe taken 2 or 3 lots in a day. When I first added one of her meal prompts for a microwave meal she would always be sat there eating it as the carer arrived - again she was proving she could do it, but she wasn't eating anything in the evening before this so it was necessary. As my mum is in sheltered extra care, so all in same block they do stay for the full 15 mins chatting if nothing else to do - although I know if they are running late due to emergencies they do only do 5 mins (I don't mind as the level of care is really high).
     
  20. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,232
    Well Sam, you are a star! May I adopt you?
    When I used to work with people I used what I called Book Ends. I use breathing. And silence. A request for help before and thanks after each session. Others may prefer a strong coffee I nearly said G and T! But I do not want to give you the sack!
    This helped me isolate and act, a bit like and actor playing a role.
    Like good actors we can only put in to what we do what is already there.
    You have understanding and compassion in buckets, give yourself a break, give yourself time, give yourself a pat on the back.
    You may eventually get your own list of people, a better routine.
    Remember the only person that you need to give approval is yourself.
    Give yourself a big hug! With love A
     

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