Moving Nanny from her home in Ireland to a CH in UK - Advice Needed!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by kellyjoc, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. kellyjoc

    kellyjoc Registered User

    Oct 21, 2015
    I am new to the forum and am hoping you can all offer me some advice. My husband's Nanny (diagnosed 4 years ago with vascular dementia and 81 years old) is coming over from Ireland to live in a care home near us (most of her children and grandchildren) We all agree this is the best thing with no family left in Ireland to care for her and her carers have now said they cannot cope, she keeps wandering so we fear for her safety especially as its now so much darker in the evenings.

    I just wanted some advice and tips on the best way we can do it as a family. She doesn't want to leave her home, and doesn't really understand when her children try to explain, so we know getting her leave and on a plane (she hates travelling) will be stressful.

    Is it better to be honest and make sure she says goodbye to her friends (this is the plan) or will this be to emotional and confusing for her? My biggest fear is she thinks that her husband (died 10 years ago) is in the back bedroom, and she has to look after him, even in past years when she has been quite well, she has always told me she must be back to Ireland for 'Joe' he'll be 'wondering where his dinner is'!

    We will be bringing over her favourite armchair, photos, her cabinet etc.. so her room feels familiar, and creating a memories book of all her friends in Ireland, is there more we can do to make that a better experience for her?

    We are all desperate to make this as good a move as it could possibly be, but we are very fearful it will be just too overwhelming for her, so any advice or previous experience would be very gratefully received

  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    Hello Kellyjoc and welcome to talking Point.

    I really have nothing to add, you seem to have everything sorted and bringing your Grandmother to be near her family is wonderful. It will be a big upheaval for her and won't be easy.

    My only thought is would it be better to bring her here by ferry? Being confined on a plane, although not a lengthy flight, I travel it quite frequently, she may get upset can become aggressive because she is not understanding what is happening. On a ferry she can move around, if she is upset you can take her away from the public so she can be quiet. The easier the travelling the better for her. Of course if there is a long journey from the port to home then that could be a problem too.

    Hopefully it will all go well, fingers crossed for you.
  3. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    "We will be bringing over her favourite armchair"

    Make sure that the armchair has a valid fire certificate else the care home may, actually should, refuse to accept it.
  4. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    I am wondering if it might be an idea to add that possibly consult with a doctor and see if there is any minor kind of sedative that might help with the journey. One of my children used to have a couple of spoonfuls of a prescription medicine to stop him going bananas on long haul flights.

    I also think you have got everything covered xxx
  5. Cinder

    Cinder Registered User

    Dec 14, 2014
    We moved my MIL from Ireland to live with us. She has adjusted fine- the differences between the countries are very slight, as I'm sure you know, and we found one of our neighbours grew up 4 doors down from MIL!
    We found the more Irish accents she hears the happier and more confident she is. Maybe the local church? There's usually a thriving Irish community in the Catholic parish (assuming she's Catholic, but I'm sure other denominations are similar) & there are probably volunteers who could bring her to Mass or organise communion to be taken to her, if that's something she would find comforting? MIL likes the Irish Post and Ireland's Own magazine to read. In fact, they are the only things she can still manage. She also likes to keep up with BBC Alba on the tv which has some relevant shows.
    I'm sure she will settle well.
    Good luck!

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  6. Cinder

    Cinder Registered User

    Dec 14, 2014
    Also- be aware she won't have any entitlement to attendance allowance as her pension will be coming from Ireland, which disqualifies her. This means you can't claim any carer's allowance. Although, as she's going into a home this probably won't be relevant. Just thought I should mention it!

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  7. kellyjoc

    kellyjoc Registered User

    Oct 21, 2015
    Thank you all so much for that, great tips that we hadn't thought of, I will ask about the ferry being a better option although the 6 hour drive on the other end may be what is putting everyone off that plan? Sedatives could be helpful though.

    Will check the armchair has a fire certificate - again wouldn't have thought of this!

    She is catholic and I think some of the carers in the home are Irish and go to our church so will definitely explore that. Love the idea of getting the Irish magazines etc..

    Thank you again everyone, very much appreciated

  8. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    My mother's GP prescribed a sedative to make the move easier on the day - it was a mere 60 mile drive compared to your trip, but we had good reasons for thinking it might be needed. And it did seem to work, so personally I would certainly ask. That is quite a trip for anyone with dementia to take.
    Good luck.

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