Moving my Dad ...

[City Claire]

Hi All

Just worry overflowing I suppose and I don't know what to do for the best. My Dad was taken into a hospital catering for dementia as an emergency measure when his mobility/continence deteriorated and Mum couldn't manage at home. He's been there almost 7 weeks and has gone downhill a long way (he has lung cancer and angina too), he hasn't eaten anything for the last almost 3 days as far as I know (we've been in 3 times over the weekend) and has drunk very little and seems to be asleep most of the time (although just last Wednesday he had at least one bright day when he ate and 'chatted' with my Mum and kissed her hand when she left).

We have been trying to organize a nursing home and are waiting to hear if one will take him today, but now Mum's GP has get her all worried about moving Dad after Mum told her how he has been the last few days when she saw her today. She seems to think he shouldn't be moved at all. If we do get offered the place at the nursing home it would be a 'nicer' place for Dad to be I think, but now I don't know if it will do Dad more harm than good to move him.

 

[CraigC]

Hi Claire,

Seems like you are having a hard time Claire. Can you speak to the duty nurse at the hospital or even better the consultant when he does his rounds. My guess is that they'd have a better idea about the situation and whether moving you dad could be detrimental. Has your GP visited your dad in hospital?

take care
Craig

 

[City Claire]

Hi Craig

Thanks. No the GP hasn't visited Dad and is going on Mum's description of the last few days alone. I have just tried the duty nurse - unfortunately got the least informative nurse, tho' I'm sure she doesn't mean ill - and Dad is the 'same as yesterday' and that's all I'll get from her I think. I think they're of the opinion that they're not really setup to nurse Dad the way he needs nursing now, as his physical nursing needs are so high and there are alot of 'wandering' people on his ward, so they can't always stop people going into Dad's room.

You're right I should speak to one of the doctors/consultant.

Thanks again

Claire

 

[City Claire]

The nursing home rang and have said they can take Dad. I called the doctor at the hosp and the news isn't good, they will assess Dad tomorrow and see if they think he is able to be moved. At least I feel I've done what I can for now and have managed to make Mum feel a bit better about things, but would rather be with Dad and Mum 24/7 at present - but the doc says they can't call us in every night 'in case', which I suppose is right. Sorry if this is too much to be putting on here. Off to see Mum later tell her the latest face to face, then go to see Dad.

 

[CraigC]

Hi Claire,

Definitely not too much Claire - this is exactly what Talking Point is for. It may be worth calling the hospital first to find out roughly what time the consultant does the rounds as you could be in for a long wait. I also make a habit of jotting down a few specific questions as consultants tend to be really busy and (sometimes) baffling. They often walk away and I suddenly realise that I didn't ask any of my questions that I'd been planning all day.

Good luck!
Craig

 

[City Claire]

Hi again Craig

Thanks so much. Yes I've got into the habit of writing down lists for pretty much everything these days!

I think we are lucky in that the Dr and Consultant seem to be happy for us to ring them any time and when I spoke to the Dr who had seen Dad today (I caught her mid-round) she said she had been going to ring me anyway. I think they had assumed we realized how serious it was, I suppose we do in some ways but in other ways you mind blocks it out. I've now spoken to the social worker too and they have said they won't move Dad if he isn't well enough, which is reassuring at least.

Just going tonight to be with Mum and Dad I think really, and take ye olde famous 'day by day' way after that I suppose.

Claire

 

[CraigC]

Hi Claire,

Funny how we 'block things out' a lot of the time - seems to be a natural survival thing. Been watching my mum do this for a long time now, just have to make sure I'm around every time the barriers drop down :-(

Kind Regards
Craig

 

[Chesca]

Dear Claire

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you and your Mum at this awful time. You've all been through such a lot and it so good to hear you have wonderful medics taking care of Dad, much compassion and understanding.

I think the sometimes the mind has a way of blocking things out as a coping mechanism - the whole picture is sometimes too much to take in.

Hold the thought: lovely.

Love and a prayer to you, and Mum and Dad
Chesca

 

[City Claire]

Thanks Craig and Chesc' (epecially for the 'lovely') - off to see Mum and Dad now. C. x

 

[Sheila]

Dear Claire, you are so right, all you can do is a day at a time. It sounds as if the whole team caring for your Dad want the best and kindest of solutions for his care. No one can say how it will go, but they are being understanding of the severity by telling you they will not move him if he is not well enough. They can't really do any more than that can they. I am glad you have a good relationship with his specialists and GP, it does help. This is a very difficult time for your Mum and for you, of course you want to be there for your Dad, but your Mum will need you too so don't exhaust yourself too much, save a few reserves in case you need them. Do hope tomorrow is better for all of you, love She. XX

 

[Norman]

Dearc Clare
I am so glad that you have such a good relationship with the medical team.
You really are fortunate to get such co operation.
Don't wear yourself out,try to take it slowly,thinking of you
Very best wishes
Norman

 

[Brucie]

Hi Claire

I won't add to the excellent advice that the others have given.

I believe you are fortunate in the team that is looking after your Dad - they are the same ones who are responsible for Jan, and I feel as well at peace with their work as I think I could be.

It is great to be able to cite such examples of good practice, in a world where all too often it is the bad examples that make the news.

 

[City Claire]

Thanks everyone, yes I don't think you realize how lucky you are with the profs you have around until you hear of other people's experiences - I'm very lucky in not having had too much to do with hospitals until Dad's various ailments came along and Mum 'managed' with Dad's dementia for ages before SS became involved, so am probably a bit naive.

Dad was sleeping quite peacefully when Mum and I saw him last night, so we played some music on the radio quietly, sang a few songs and read some poems from a collection he bought himself -it was good to be there. I rang this morning and they said Dad was stable, so am back in the office today, they will tell us later if they think Dad can be moved tomorrow I think.

Thanks again for the reassurance.

C. x