Moving my dad in with us next week

[Dimelza]

Hi

My dad is 72, started 8 years ago with dementia after a GA for hip replacement. Very much deteriorated over the last 12 months and much worse again over the last 2 months.
He has mixed type dementia of Alzheimer's and vascular.
He has carers at home, pretty dire at times but needs must, and me and my husband and my aunt and uncle (dads sister and husband) do the lion's share.
I work ft and still have a fairly young family (youngest in primary school) so splitting myself is hard work and the worry when I leave him is awful. So we ended up where we are now, moved house to a place with an annexe a few yards away and it's about ready for him to move in now.
It's become impossible to have a conversation for the last month or so, he's doing increasingly strange things and his hiding of things (well to him he's not hiding them but...!) has got to the impossible stage!
I had planned to tell him his boiler was faulty so he was coming to stay until it's fixed but tbh we are beyond comprehension of that now.
Fortunately he adores me and just wants to be with me so I'm hopeful he will settle in well.
He doesn't recognise he's at home much of the time, forever calling us to give him a lift home, so I'm not too worried about having too many familiar things around him other than photos and a couple of nice pictures.

Just wondered if anyone could offer any advice as locally it's not forthcoming!!
Many thanks

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Dimelza

I`ve no advice but would like to offer you praise and wish you good luck. It looks as if your family network is pulling together so you will not have full responsibility for 24/7 care but it will be shared.

Please let us know how this move goes for your dad. I hope he settles well into his new home.

 

[marionq]

Good luck from me too Dimelza. I hope you will keep carers coming in to clean up and do the routine stuff such as medication, showering and bed changing etc. in your circumstances with a young family you will need some outside help.

 

[Izzy]

Also wishing you all the best. My mum lived with us and support from professional carers certainly made it more manageable. Especially as I was working full time then.

 

[Dimelza]

Thank you! I've actually arranged private carers, my friends mum who's done 1:1 care for years and her best friend. They'll come an hour in the morning and again at lunchtime to get him up, try to shower (HUGE HUGE issue, he won't and is very strong) and give him meds and breakfast, make his bed etc. then give him lunch and spend a bit of time chatting etc.
I've no idea how long we have left or if it'll work but I need to try. If a care home is the next best thing I'll have to deal with that but I'm really hopeful to keep him here until the end.



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[Izzy]

That sounds like a good arrangement. I hope it goes well.

 

[Rodelinda]

Good luck to you. My mother has been with us for 4 years now; although it it can be frustrating I know it is the best solution both for her and for me and my partner. It sounds as though you are a lot more sorted than I was, so long may it last. The only thing I would say is to try to preserve some time and space for you and your OH and children and be prepared to think about your dad having some respite care to let you have a break. I didn't until now and wish I had established the idea sooner. All the best. Rodelinda

 

[Dimelza]

Hi!
Glad to hear it can work. My husband is 100% behind this but we are very apprehensive now it's almost upon us! I didn't imagine this in my 40s, I'll admit.
We have POA for both health and finance so I'll definitely look into respite.
Thanks


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