[QUOTE=biggirlsdontcry]Yes, it would be good to place them together in a care home, but my dad does not want to be with my mum any longer. It's terribly sad after 62 years of marriage but he says she is not the woman he married, they have no common ground any more, and she is also horrid to him - she takes out all her confusion on him with anger and contempt; I've seen it. I don't think she could manage at home alone - she is beginning to wander (went for a walk this week and couldn't find her own house again), and without my dad I think she wouldn't let the carers in to help. So I think a care home is the only answer.[/QUOTE]
I have no idea if this is a possibility in the homes near you, but in my Mum's home there are a few couples who do not share rooms. One couple (Mum's neighbours) have rooms on opposite sides of the hall. Another couple have rooms in different wings - I asked why and was told it was because they didn't want to be together. This separation allows aloneness but keeps them in the one place which is helpful for family and friends. It also allows the couple to choose to be together, if and when they wish.
My friend's in-laws were like your parents. When her MIL went into care, she would tell her husband when he visited: "You can't come here - this is MY place!". When the FIL eventually did move in, he had a separate room at the other end of the facility. Eventually, after some months, the two would sit quietly together, not talking, just holding hands, in the late afternoon. They never sought each other out earlier in the day, and acted as if they didn't know the other one was there most of the time! My friend said she was so glad though, that towards the end, they could spend even a short time together in peace - and apparently it brought them both comfort.
I hope you can find a situation which allows the best alternatives for both your parents. Nell