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Moving mum into a care home

Eleanor Smith

New member
Oct 27, 2019
4
0
Hello, I’m looking for some advice please. My mum has vascular dementia and has been receiving care at home for the last year. However she’s started wandering in the street in the evening, her confusion and anxiety are through the roof (which medication hasn’t helped) and the mental health nurse has adviced that my brother and I look into care homes quickly. I feel totally out of my depth and a bit overwhelmed as to what kind of care home to look? She’s very sociable so would benefit from being somewhere where there’s lots of people to talk to. I also wondered if anyone has experience of moving their loved one out of area? My mum lives two hours away from me and I would love to have her somewhere closer to me but I don’t know if this would be possible? We’ve received very little support from the GP, no support from social services (she’s self funded) so I don’t know if I’d have to get certain agencies involved before I moved her? Thank you in advance for any advice.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,354
0
Kent
Hello @Eleanor Smith

If your mother has started to wander she will need secure residential care. This is not necessarily a dementia unit, my husband was in a retirement home where the entrances were coded and there was no way he could get out.

Your mother is more likely to get social interaction in a retirement home than a dementia unit.

I`m afraid looking for the right home can be soul destroying but it has to be done.

This might help



 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,675
0
Hi @Eleanor Smith , and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll find lots of help and advice here.
My mother also has vascular dementia and I moved her into care when her behaviour started putting herself and others at risk. Until then mum had refused all offers of help and was manging to live independently just about with me popping in a couple of times a week and with supportive friends at the end of the phone.
If your mother will be self funding this site https://www.carehome.co.uk/ may be useful to help you draw up a short list as you will have a wide choice of possible homes. If you need social services to pay, then you may be limited to a much shorter list of places that charge what SS will pay.
We've recently moved my mother in law into care and moved my mother to a different care home near where we now live. Husband and I looked round various homes for both of them and it was obvious that what would suit one would not be the right place for the other. I chose mum's original care home as it was a new 'hotel' style one with a coffee bar, cinema room etc. It also had loads of activities on (this was pre-covid). I thought mum would have a great time joining in everything. As it was she really only joined in if I was there to encourage her, but we still did some fun things, a flash mob dance in the local shopping centre for instance. Mum has now moved on and is in the later stages. Her new home looks very similar to her old one, but she is on a floor where the pace of live is slow and that seems to suit her. Mother in law is a much gentler person than my mum and we felt a large modern home would overwhelm her. She is in a small home in a Victorian house, and doesn't seem to have really noticed she's moved from home. I think it's a bit like choosing a school for your child, look at what is on offer, but make sure the place feels right and will provide what your mum needs.
As for moving area, that shouldn't be a problem if your mum is self-funding. I moved mum using a private ambulance service as we're now a three hour drive from her old home and even if we'd hired a more suitable car than our own for mum to move in neither my husband or I thought we'd be able to manage if she became distressed. It was expensive, but worth it as the guys that moved her were great and the whole thing went so much more smoothly than I thought it would.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,593
0
My husband and I moved my mother in law out of a London borough to a care home in Kent with no difficulty at all. My mother in law was self funding and we never had any involvement with social services whatsoever. My mother in law was in hospital when we made the decision for full time care and she went straight to the home via private ambulance. We didn't discuss anything with any other agency, we had POA for finances and health and we just organised it all ourselves
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,125
0
You are fortunate that your mother is self funding as this means you can choose any care home, in any location. You have not mentioned powers of attorney here. If you already have POA you can go ahead. If not, you need Deputyship by the sound of things....
 

Eleanor Smith

New member
Oct 27, 2019
4
0
You are fortunate that your mother is self funding as this means you can choose any care home, in any location. You have not mentioned powers of attorney here. If you already have POA you can go ahead. If not, you need Deputyship by the sound of things....
Thank you for your help. We have POA for finances but not health. Would we still need deputyship? Forgive my ignorance but I’m not sure what this is? Thank you again for your help.
 

Eleanor Smith

New member
Oct 27, 2019
4
0
My husband and I moved my mother in law out of a London borough to a care home in Kent with no difficulty at all. My mother in law was self funding and we never had any involvement with social services whatsoever. My mother in law was in hospital when we made the decision for full time care and she went straight to the home via private ambulance. We didn't discuss anything with any other agency, we had POA for finances and health and we just organised it all ourselves
Thank you so much for your reply, it really helps to know that it can be straightforward.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,675
0
Hi @Eleanor Smith , you don't need deputyship if you've got POA. I had both the finance and the health and welfare one, but you should be OK moving your mum with just the finance one if the mental health nurse has advised it is time to look for care homes.
I'm sure others with experience of this will be along to correct me if I'm wrong.
 

thistlejak

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
111
0
Re Deputyship for health and welfare: It is granted on a case by case basis and is very rarely needed. As you have been advised by the Mental Health Nurse you should be OK . We didn't have anything for MIL and we had a 'best interest' meeting to get her into care.
Hope this helps.
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
236
0
From experience, I would recommend choosing a care home near to where the person who is most likely to visit lives.
Try to be very realistic about relatives and friends. I moved my mother to a home near to her old home (and my brother’s house) hoping, firstly, that my brother would visit my mother on his trips home from abroad and, secondly, that her friends would visit. My brother subsequently returned to the UK permanently, and was living literally a seven minute drive away, but as far as could tell he never visited my mother unless I went with him. I used to check the visitors log and never saw any other visitor for my mother. It would have been far better if my mother had moved nearer to me as I would have been able to visit her a couple of times a week rather than once a fortnight. A three hour round trip on public transport for a visit when my mother might be asleep most or all of the time felt unproductive and a bit of a waste of time. If she had lived nearer I could have popped back another day if she was asleep or not having a good day.
 

Deedeec123

New member
Jan 6, 2021
6
0
Hello, I’m looking for some advice please. My mum has vascular dementia and has been receiving care at home for the last year. However she’s started wandering in the street in the evening, her confusion and anxiety are through the roof (which medication hasn’t helped) and the mental health nurse has adviced that my brother and I look into care homes quickly. I feel totally out of my depth and a bit overwhelmed as to what kind of care home to look? She’s very sociable so would benefit from being somewhere where there’s lots of people to talk to. I also wondered if anyone has experience of moving their loved one out of area? My mum lives two hours away from me and I would love to have her somewhere closer to me but I don’t know if this would be possible? We’ve received very little support from the GP, no support from social services (she’s self funded) so I don’t know if I’d have to get certain agencies involved before I moved her? Thank you in advance for any advice.
I had to do this with my mum and moved her nearer to me. I choose a home that dealt with dementia so she won’t have to move again. If you move her to a retirement home then 1 they may not actually take her and 2 she may have to move again if her condition worsens.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,125
0
If you have POA for finance then it is unlikely anyone will argue with your decision as regards moving her to a care home. The OPG claim that where to live is a health decision but also undeniably a financial one given care costs. Unless someone is likely to challenge the decision you have nothing to worry about.
 

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