Thank you juggling mum
Hi juggling mum. Thank you also for your advice and support. 3 months sounds like a lifetime to me - how did you do it? We ve only gone 3 weeks so far, and it's been one of the hardest, most emotionally draining periods of my life. If we could afford one of the lovely £1200/wk homes I'd be less anxious about putting mum in a care home although I know even the expensive places don't necessarily give the best care.it breaks my heart to think of her in any of the places I've been to see so far. Hopefully we'll find something that is somewhere in between. XxWelcome to TP.
I personally don't think you would cope for long with such young children.
When crisis hit with my mum (with hindsight I should have spotted it years before hand) I had her live with me and my brother for alternating fortnights until I found her somewhere suitable to live, sheltered extra care accommodation. She was agitated when she was swapped over each time for a short time(my brother did all the driving) but not at the stage that she didn't recognise our houses. We didn't let her go back to hers(long story, but house wasn't habitable and we thought she'd lock herself in and us out).
It was very hard on my then 8 and 12 year old children, and there is no way they would have coped with her staying and us having a normal family life. In my experience, whilst my kids are more independent now they still need a lot of input. She demanded my 12 year old do jigsaws with her when she got in from school and couldn't understand that she had to do homework - may seem simple but day after day it wasn't. She corrected my son every mealtime at table and couldn't understand not to, or that he was allowed to pour his own drink etc etc. My brothers children were 7 and 4, and she didn't like the 7 year old so would play with the 4 year old and would just pack the game up if the 7 year old tried to join in. She had a memory of the 7 year old being poorly behaved as a 4 year old and wouldn't alter it. Again can be dealt with on an odd occasion but day after day, not fair on the children.
My children had had enough, but now enjoy Grandma visiting and playing cards and board games with her, but can only manage a couple of hours of being asked the same things every 3 or minutes, and then I take her back to her flat.
We did this for 3 months and it was a struggle.
If you think your mum is struggling you will need to move her, but look at sheltered extra care (sometimes known as assisted living) or a Care Home (much easier to sort out if she is self funding). I would also say move her to near you as you will need to be able to take her to Drs and other things which take up hours of my time. This way you can spend quality time with her, rather than day to day coping.
My mum has alzheimers not VD but alot of things are the same. Your mum may stay the same for a while or she may deteriorate rapidly but she will deteriorate.