1. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you juggling mum

    Hi juggling mum. Thank you also for your advice and support. 3 months sounds like a lifetime to me - how did you do it? We ve only gone 3 weeks so far, and it's been one of the hardest, most emotionally draining periods of my life. If we could afford one of the lovely £1200/wk homes I'd be less anxious about putting mum in a care home although I know even the expensive places don't necessarily give the best care.it breaks my heart to think of her in any of the places I've been to see so far. Hopefully we'll find something that is somewhere in between. Xx
     
  2. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you

    Thank you sister Millicent. How very true. I hadn't thought about it in such clear terms. Thank you!!
     
  3. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you

    Thank you Spamar!! 10-12 years!?! You're amazing. Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I'm very grateful. Xx
     
  4. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thanks

    Hi Kevini, so events have overtaken my response to your question. We spent a year looking for a house in london that would accommodate mum and my growing family. Bubba came and we decided to look out of london, and bought the place we re in now, thinking it would be ok. How naive we were! So mum has a house that we will sell ASAP. But it won't have a lot of equity, if any in it. So we are not self funding. Mums here now, and while I thought Farnham was well set up for people in our situation, it turns out that it isn't necessarily so for everyone. As my GP said to me this morning - we have an ageing population you know, and I can't magic up carers...(patronising b******). Anyway, thanks for your time and effort in responding to me xxx
     
  5. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you

    Thank you velocity! xx
     
  6. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Hi

    Hi Linbrusco. Fellow kiwi(?) my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how you're coping. Thank you for replying to me, when you have so much else going on in your life. I hope you enjoy(ed) your holiday. Big hugs. Xxx
     
  7. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you

    Thank you pickles53. Xxx
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,698
    Female
    South coast
    Hi Fattuatara

    Im sorry you are finding it all so difficult, but it sounds to me like your mums needs are now greater than one person (however loving) can meet and it is doubly hard for you as you have such young children.

    Might I suggest that you contact Social Services and shout very loudly (metaphorically speaking) for some respite. You sound at the end of your tether and it will also give you some time to view care homes. If SS are saying that they think a CH would be best then it almost certainly is as they usually fight to bitter end to keep people out of CHs as a CH is actually much more expensive.
    My mum is in a CH and she is now content there - she is no longer anxious, is clean, safe, well fed, has put on some weight and has company. There is no way I would be able to look after her myself - she now needs a team of people who can spend all their time looking out for her and are not exhausted as they get to go home at the end of their shift, get a good nights sleep and go on holidays.
    So do not fear her going into a CH and definitely dont feel guilty.
     
  9. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you

    Thank you Witzend. I think you're right - she would hate it., and we had absolutely no clue! You read these books that make it sound like it's manageable - and it's not. It simply isn't (at least for us). I appreciate your time :) thank you. Xxx
     
  10. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you too

    Thanks Angela T. I wish I'd had time to read all these posts properly before we were thrown in the deeps end. It probably wouldn't have made any difference because we had no choice but to move mum in in the end. But perhaps I'd be finding it less difficult sorting out care for her. I was so naive. But I appreciate your time and advice. Thank you. Xx
     
  11. Fattuatara

    Fattuatara Registered User

    Sep 5, 2015
    21
    Farnham
    Thank you

    Thanks 1mindy. I'm not sure how mum will go in s home. She has always lived on her own, and been completely independent. This last 3 weeks she has been completely withdrawn, and I'm not sure whether it's because she's depressed, or because she's having such trouble talking. I hope having other people around will pull her out of her shell. but I'm worried it will have the opposite effect. We have a taster session at a day centre booked for next week so I guess I'll see how that goes...but thanks for the reassurance. If I can find the right place, hopefully mum will settle eventually. Thanks again for your time and support. Xxx
     
  12. macyfizer

    macyfizer Registered User

    Mar 8, 2017
    2
    UK
    #32 macyfizer, Mar 8, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2017
    Thank you for sharing this Fattuatara, your situation is not easy. I suggest that you first know the status of your mum’s health by speaking with a doctor. In case she needs your full attention, then I suggest you consider moving her to edited to remove name of nursing home. nursing home. To ensure that she won’t feel lonely or abandoned, I suggest that you call and visit her regularly.
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,529
    Ireland
    #33 LadyA, Mar 8, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2017
    Macyfizer, this is an old thread, from about eighteen months ago. I don't think Fattuatara has been active on the forum since then. :)
     

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