Hi, Its truly distressing anyway and COVID doesn't help, sending heartfelt empathy. Don't forget there is kindness and support in the care home 24/7 to reassure and comfort, try not to torture yourself ?
Moving into residential care
- Thread starter Nads1969
- Start date
Back in November my in laws both went into a care home, into an isolation suite. We were allowed in that area only on the day to help settle them in. Not sure if that was unique or because we were in a different place with Covid.. I hope they settle in well. At least you can do in person visits now.
hello @WhateverNext
a warm welcome to DTP
I hope your in-laws are doing well
now you've joined us, do keep posting with anything that's on your mind
a warm welcome to DTP
I hope your in-laws are doing well
now you've joined us, do keep posting with anything that's on your mind
@Nads1969 - when Mummy went into a care home, although we planned things, I found it very hard. We didn't visit for a while, as per advice from the home. When I went, I was an emotional wreck. Mummy, however, was laughing with the staff and enjoying a gardening activity. We were lucky that she settled well, but it can happen and I believe a care home was the best option for her at that point. She was happy in an environment where less was expected of her and there were lots of people around. She formed very strong bonds with the staff, which was something I didn't expect, but really helped her.
Hi Nads 1969
i understand your concerns, I feel for you. my friend is to go into residential care tomorrow. Her husband is distraught at this decision but it is for her own safety too.
we have also been told that due to the current situation my friend must be in isolation for two weeks which therefore means no visiting.
Im so worried how she will react, she does not speak anymore now, it’s so distressing.
I hope you have spoken to the home on a regular basis, I am sure they will put your mind at rest regarding your Mum settling in. I do not know how bad your Mum is but I had to get emergency respite for my husband when I fell ill last Sept. I took him to the home that, luckily would have been one of my choices, but I still have not been any further than reception. Robert wouldn't initially get out of the car (this was not unusual once in it was hard to get him out!) two of the carers went out to him and eventually coaxed him out and he went in with them and never looked back. He is still in and I have just been allowed a weekly visit, he no longer knows me and conversation is non possible but in truth this happened long before he went in. He is always clean, tidy and looks content. The staff are lovely and I no longer feel guilty at him having to go in. After a best interest meeting it was decided that it was best for Robert to stay in the home. The carers have had numerous issues (anger, agitation etc) to deal with but they take each day as it comes and deal with whatever presents itself. I now realise I could no longer cope on my own, take heart in the fact that your Mum is in the best place for her everyday care.
If nobody has already said then if anyone is considering, or has no choice about a Care Home for their relative then do look at Rights for Residents and John’s Campaign which will give you a very real picture of how different homes are interpreting the Govt Guidelines. There are good examples and innovative Managers but many lose all meaningful contact with their relatives - it’s tragic. The best route is to absolutely insist on a care plan that includes you as an Essential Family Carer - include their mental and physical health. No staff can keep your relative connected to their world as a family member can. The 2 sites I have mentioned offer lots of help and advice.
My partner of 15 years is at his wits end with his 93 year old Mum. On Boxing Day she fell near her bed, hit the back of her head and one of her carers found her back in bed with blood all over the pillow so an Ambulance was called and she went into the nearest hospital. Because of COVID we couldn't visit her at all and the doctors did a head scan and discovered a small bleed, which they treated.
She is Type 1 diabetic, had a triple heart bypass when in her 60's and has had a stent put into one of her valves since then. She also has an inoperable hiatus hernia, and used to give herself her own insulin injections until it was discovered that she increased the insulin dosage but didn't eat enough so went into diabetic hypos. So the Council arranged for a District Nurse to come in twice a day to give her the proper dose of insulin and also took her bloods and monitored it. Until the fall she was fine except she had a urinary tract infection and was a bit depressed.
our house has a spiral staircase going up to the bedrooms and bathroom and she can't manage the stairs and also she has too many health issues for us to look after her.
so on 3rd February this year she was discharged from the hospital and put into a care home close by. She had to go into isolation because she had caught Asymptomatic COVID from the hospital. She was in the care home for 16 weeks and kept pretending to cry (although no tears came out) and begged to come home. So we got her home to her retirement flat and laid on a different company of carers 4 times a day. Whenever we go there to keep her company and visit she just goes to sleep so there is no point for us to visit.
as well as the fall at home she fell again in the hospital and twice in the care home but she's taken to wander and has started pestering one of the other residents of the flat nearby. He needs his own life and it's not fair on him.
Across the road is a red car in a garage and she's got it in her head that it's my partner's car so we've had to arrange with the garage to cover the car. On Sunday she thought she saw my partner across the road and went quickly out of her flat to chase after her so called son but fell over again on the pavement and a pass by picked her up and helped her to her flat. Every day she wanders. The care home fees are so expensive that she can't afford them and we can't bank roll it either as then we wouldn't have anything for our pension.
Her son left home outside London in 1990, yet she keeps phoning him up and asks when he is coming home. He's told her over and over that he hasn't lived with her for 30 + years and yet the next day we go through the same question again,
My partner is getting to the end of his tether with all this. I don't know what to suggest.
She is Type 1 diabetic, had a triple heart bypass when in her 60's and has had a stent put into one of her valves since then. She also has an inoperable hiatus hernia, and used to give herself her own insulin injections until it was discovered that she increased the insulin dosage but didn't eat enough so went into diabetic hypos. So the Council arranged for a District Nurse to come in twice a day to give her the proper dose of insulin and also took her bloods and monitored it. Until the fall she was fine except she had a urinary tract infection and was a bit depressed.
our house has a spiral staircase going up to the bedrooms and bathroom and she can't manage the stairs and also she has too many health issues for us to look after her.
so on 3rd February this year she was discharged from the hospital and put into a care home close by. She had to go into isolation because she had caught Asymptomatic COVID from the hospital. She was in the care home for 16 weeks and kept pretending to cry (although no tears came out) and begged to come home. So we got her home to her retirement flat and laid on a different company of carers 4 times a day. Whenever we go there to keep her company and visit she just goes to sleep so there is no point for us to visit.
as well as the fall at home she fell again in the hospital and twice in the care home but she's taken to wander and has started pestering one of the other residents of the flat nearby. He needs his own life and it's not fair on him.
Across the road is a red car in a garage and she's got it in her head that it's my partner's car so we've had to arrange with the garage to cover the car. On Sunday she thought she saw my partner across the road and went quickly out of her flat to chase after her so called son but fell over again on the pavement and a pass by picked her up and helped her to her flat. Every day she wanders. The care home fees are so expensive that she can't afford them and we can't bank roll it either as then we wouldn't have anything for our pension.
Her son left home outside London in 1990, yet she keeps phoning him up and asks when he is coming home. He's told her over and over that he hasn't lived with her for 30 + years and yet the next day we go through the same question again,
My partner is getting to the end of his tether with all this. I don't know what to suggest.
Hi @Chunga welcome to posting on DTP
Has your partner’s mum had a needs assessment from SS? If they decide that she needs a carehome placement (and it sounds as though she does) then they should find somewhere that will suit her needs at no cost to her or yourselves.
It sounds as though your partner’s mum has gone back in time in her mind and believes she is living 30 years in the past, this is common in dementia, so she must be feeling anxious and having people around her all the time in a carehome should help sooth this anxiety. Falls and wandering are good reasons to consider full time care without the added problems caused by diabetes, so you should mention these to SS when you call.
Does your partner’s mum have any carers going in regularly or is it just the district nurse?
Has your partner’s mum had a needs assessment from SS? If they decide that she needs a carehome placement (and it sounds as though she does) then they should find somewhere that will suit her needs at no cost to her or yourselves.
It sounds as though your partner’s mum has gone back in time in her mind and believes she is living 30 years in the past, this is common in dementia, so she must be feeling anxious and having people around her all the time in a carehome should help sooth this anxiety. Falls and wandering are good reasons to consider full time care without the added problems caused by diabetes, so you should mention these to SS when you call.
Does your partner’s mum have any carers going in regularly or is it just the district nurse?
