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Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Dosey, Mar 21, 2019.
Sorry. Ive edited my post
Thank you martirita
Yes we have to be strong and do the best we can. I know exactly how you are feeling too. So hard for all the family too. Our 4 sons are heartbroken their dad was also their best friend. So sad getting this horrible disease so young (55). Now just turned 62 he is in Care a shadow of the man he once was, caring husband, father, grandfather. We have been together for 45 years since we were 16.
So many kind people on here. It is so comforting to know that we can talk on here and people will reply with help, support and kind words.
Hope everything works out with the move for your husband.
Sending my love, we are at the same stage of this horrible journey. Glad you have your family too.
Love Rose x
It's fine lol you didn't need to edit it. Just saying in case some posts might seem strange if you thought it was my dad
Thanks for your replies to my posts. You have been really helpful with your responses
Love Rose x
Rose our heartbreak is so very similar ,I'm so very glad you keep posting as your heartfelt words are a comfort to me ,we have been married a very long time too I was just 16 so it's a life time of love to the same loving caring man we have 2 sons and 4 grandsons 1of which is a step grandson but just like one of our own they love him dearly,I'm trying to let you know how I'm thinking of you and hopefully I am helping you with your sadness which no one can take it away from us but just maybe if we keep on posting letting you know you're in my thoughts and my heart goes out to you Take Care lovely.and keep posting it will help as it really does help me .Xx
Wee update on my journey with OH with early onset Alzheimer's.
My husband has now been in Care Home 10 weeks. Is settling in well.
MIL who was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer last April wasn't meant to see Xmas. She has had two stays in hospital in April for over a week each time. Heart failure and fluid on the lungs 6th April didn't think see would survive. Anyway cut long story short not eating or drinking under 5 stone in weight. Admitted to Marie Currie hospice on 22nd May for rest and medication assessment. Various tests and scans done. Now they are saying no cancer in lungs etc only small cancer in stomach. She is now eating and back home locks so much better. Multi discipline meeting took place last Wednesday she has appointment tomorrow to discuss what happens next.
I had decided not to tell OH about his mums illness last year and not to tell mum he was now in Care, I take him to see her once a week as usual.
My sister in law decided on Monday to tell their mum that he is now in Care without consulting me. She has taken this well. We visited yesterday, husband was very restless, his condition has deteriorated rapidly. I was worried she would give me a hard time, however she asked if he was getting looked after. She looked upset when he didn't want to stay and was very confused and talking nonsense.
Husband has not been eating the last 2 weeks and has lost a lot of weight, looks so frail for 62 year old.
When I took him back to home I stayed and helped him eat some dinner. During my stay he became restless walking about. Another resident hit him with his zimmer. Voices became raised and my husband was really upset with this, he was close to tears and was saying sorry to me and the carers. My heart was breaking so upset that I have left him there, wanted to hit the guy, although I do know they are all in the same position.
Anyway about 10 minutes later this resident came into the sitting room and continued to make faces. My husband got up to wander and he hit him again with the zimmer as he walked past him.. I shouted for him to stop it, the carers also witnessed it this time and told him off.
This has set me back to thinking I have done the wrong thing put him in Care.
I am not sleeping well and feel so low. Can this get any worse?
Oh @Dosey my heart breaks for you.
Have you discussed the situation with the home manager? I know that the other resident has dementia but they need to be managing the situation so that your husband doesn't get hurt.
I hope this is recorded in the daily report and passed over at their changeover. My son is visiting his dad today and will assess the situation. This resident is constantly pushing his zimmer into other residents. I will mention this to the manager when I next visit. She is approachable and is very hands on. The staff are all great with my OH and would hate for him to become unhappy there. Hopefully he will have forgotten about incident today.
Thanks for your advice.
Got a call from the care home manager yesterday. OH had an appointment at the hospital, he did not attend, it has been rescheduled. She said OH had a bad night up and down most of it, now they couldn't get him up for a 12pm appointment.
Then she informed me that on Tuesday one of the residents that has been friendly with OH called him into his room, he then punched OH in the face. This was witnessed by a member of staff. I was at the home on Wednesday and nobody told me this. I then told her about the incident on Wednesday with the other resident she was not aware of this. I worked in residential childcare for 23 years only retired august 18 , and I know these incidents should all be recorded.
Anyway she said without going into to much detail (confidentiality). She has done a report on the first incident and there is a meeting on Monday regarding the residents level of aggression etc. She will update me on Monday.
My youngest son went to visit his dad yesterday after work. As OH is not eating he helped his dad with his dinner. This same resident that I have now been told said 10 minutes later "are you feeding a mouse " to my son. I was unaware of this until after I spoke to manager. I will be telling her this on Monday.
This is really upsetting that my husband has been hit 2 days in a row by 2 different residents. I like the place he is in and the staff are really caring and good with him. They have also reported that he is telling them to leave him alone too.
They are worried about him so called the GP in to see him, they couldn't get a urine sample, however GP decided to give him antibiotics just in case. This is a new GP nearer the home, I wish it could have been his old GP who knows him well.
It's breaking my heart to think my lovely husband is now being bullied. Wish I had just kept him at home with me.
Sorry for such a long post.
Just wanted to say that I have been thinking about you a lot - and I hope things are working out.