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Moving House?

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by Sarahdun, Nov 28, 2016.

  1. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    111
    Do any of you have experience of moving house with somebody with young onset dementia? Did it have a good or bad effect on them?

    I would quite like to move to a smaller home with my husband who has eoAD. BUT I don't have to move and I am wondering if I am being selfish, whether it would be better for him to stay put. He has needed 24/7 support with daily living for some time now, and is just starting to get lost in our neighbourhood (where we have lived for over 25 years).
     
  2. leicester61

    leicester61 Registered User

    Aug 26, 2012
    136
    Leicestershire
    Hi Sarahdun

    My OH was diagnosed at age 52, he is now 56, after about 2yrs i decided that we needed to move and downsize. He seemed really keen so I went ahead with it, we sold the house within 3 days. When I told him he broke down, telling me he didnt want to move, and please could we stay where we were, i gave in and here we still are. Im glad we stayed as all the neighbours know him and keep an eye out for me when im at work etc. (i only work part time and just lately he has been coming in with me lol)
    Nevertheless its good to know that they do this. So all in all Im glad we stayed, hes safe, and you just never know who you might move next door too. Especially currently he has no filter and will say the first thing that comes into his head which quite often is something rude or embarrassing.
    Hope this helps a little
    suz x
     
  3. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    227
    Hi Sarahdun,

    I am in exactly the same situation. Our house is up for sale, with a view to downsizing to a bungalow, out of this village into a nearby town.

    For me there are many possible advantages; nearer to a hospital, good care homes, family and getting rid of the stairs will be a bonus. The move will mean that I can begin taking some tiny steps towards building my life in readiness for the future.

    I know it will be difficult for him, so am I being selfish? Possibly but I do feel the move will allow me to keep him at home longer with me. There needs to be a move of some kind in the near future, bungalow or care home? I'm going to try a move of house first.

    Staying here isn't an option for me I feel. We moved here specifically so that OH could walk in the Lake District 4 years ago, before diagnosis. He had a really long spell of doing the thing he loved, but he is no longer able to do walks like that. I feel the house has served its purpose, time to get back to life in a town, closer to the facilities which would help me to support him further.

    Good luck. Try not to drive yourself crazy with overthinking things. Go with your gut feeling.

    JigJog x
     
  4. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    111
    Thanks so much for your replies. Your different comments about your own experiences are really helpful because they both chime with mine (reasons to stay, reasons to move).

    Then as I was leaving for work today another neighbour came and offered to spend time with my OH occasionally and I think that has swung my gut feeling towards staying. Our neighbourhood is suburban rather than rural, so we have all amenities here, plus we know the neighbours really well and they know us. I think the move into town is more for my benefit: I could walk to work and have a smaller place to look after.

    Of course I also just don't know how long we have got before a move for him, to another form of care, becomes essential, so seems daft now to anticipate that hassle.

    But if I was in a more isolated, rural location I think my gut instinct would definitely be to move in to town.

    Thanks for helping me think this through, and for the advice about not over thinking.
     
  5. 52pen

    52pen Registered User

    Dec 17, 2016
    2
    Moving house

    We are also planning to move house but have struggled to find anywhere suitable. The only option is a bungalow which needs more work than I had realised. Is this likely to upset my husband? Apart from the fact that I did not want a lot of hassle. Should I give up on this one and hope something better turns up? There is absolutely nothing coming on the market at present, and I don't want to lose my buyer.
     
  6. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    227
    I think moving house is going to be difficult enough, without the added stress of all the work afterwards.

    We haven't sold yet but while I'm looking around, I do find myself coming back to some that need work. I have to remind myself that those days have gone, for now. I need something we can just move into and begin to settle straight away.

    I may need to consider a house with a downstairs bathroom and room that could be used as a bedroom, rather than a bungalow. Not much suitable around, as you say.

    Good luck.
    JigJog x
     
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Host

    Dec 15, 2012
    4,399
    Yorkshire
    Hi 52pen
    is it at all possible to rent somewhere for 6 months so that you don't lose the sale - that way the work can be carried out while you live in a pleasant property, maybe as similar in layout to your old house or the new one as you can get
    not ideal, I appreciate, as it's another move for your husband, though without the mess of renovations
    best wishes
     
  8. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    111
    Just to update this- two weeks ago I did a u turn and decided to move. Since then I have sold this house and bought a new one closer in to town. Shocked at the speed, but glad to be leaving the weight of the past behind and moving to a smaller home where we will be less dependent on our car. Eeeeeeeep!


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  9. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Host

    Dec 15, 2012
    4,399
    Yorkshire
    well done Sarahdun
    you sound very happy with your decision and that means your mind will be at rest
    I wish you both well in your new home :)
     
  10. Susisuster

    Susisuster Registered User

    Mar 6, 2017
    39
    Also a thought of mine

    Hi, we live on a four bedroomed house and I would love to downsize but my husband has lived in this house for 27 years (we have both been married before) and in this area all his life ,I feel the opportunity to move has passed as I worry that if he did wander it wouldn't be far as this area is what he knows and the only place he may wander to would be either his mums old house or where he worked both of these are 2 miles away so my thought I'd I could find him. My other concern is the will he has done states that his half of the house goes to his children when he goes which leaves me with possibly not enough to buy somewhere for myself I can stay in the house until my death but I don't want to rattle around in a big house, which is another reason I would like to move to a smaller place as the stress of looking after this place is getting me down. There are just so many issues we have to cope with on top of caring it seems overwhelming.
     
  11. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Host

    Dec 15, 2012
    4,399
    Yorkshire
    hi Susisuster
    maybe Sarahdun's story will give you heart; caring is tough enough without the worry of the cleaning/upkeep ... of a big house on top
    just to gently say, too; if your husband begins to wander out and about, it's unlikely that he will actually be going to a real place and have the reasoning to follow the directions he once knew without thinking - sadly people with dementia can be lost in their own home and in a 'familiar' location - and somehow can travel for miles just following their nose - what you write seems reasonable, however reason and reasoning are things you can't rely on a PWD to still be able to use
    as for your husband's will - well, that only comes into 'play' after his death - until then his assets are his to deal with as is best for him - and if you will be able to care for him more easily and for longer in a smaller more manageable home, then that is to his benefit
    do you have Powers of Attorney in place (both finance& property and health&welfare) as these will give you the legal authority to help him (and then deal) with his affairs
    best wishes
     
  12. Sarahdun

    Sarahdun Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    111
    We did it

    Just updating this thread to say that we did move house and it has worked out really well. Everything is better than before. My husband has adjusted well, and really enjoys the new house and location. He even enjoys the odd day at a care facility close by, something he would not have considered before or that would have made him very sad and angry.

    I think our move has erased a lot of negative associations for him (& for me?) and was well timed- his eoAD has progressed to the point where he no longer knows he has it but he is still able to 'enjoy' the new walks etc.
     
  13. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    5,053
    Suffolk
    That is really good news, Sarah. I'm so pleased for you.
     

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