1. Billy999

    Billy999 New member

    Apr 16, 2019
    Hi, so, mom 84 lives with dad 80 in their own home. Her Alzheimer’s is worsening and he is struggling to cope. She feels that home isn’t actually home and that they are on holiday. She keeps asking when they are going home...

    My wife and I are due to relocate to their home town and they want to come and live with us (we will look for a place with a suitable annexe).

    I need this move to be as stress free as possible and wonder if anyone has any experience, tips or info they are willing to share.

  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Billy999 you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

    What you describe are common issues so I'm sure members with experience will be along to advise.

    In the meantime, I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there



    You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

    Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
  3. Fullticket

    Fullticket Registered User

    Apr 19, 2016
    Chard, Somerset
    I think everyone who has moved with a PWD will have a different experience but here goes with my mum. Her dementia was getting bad and so (with OH's agreement - vital) we moved her in with us. This was a two bedroomed terraced Victorian house in London so was not ideal. Having been with us a year and her having difficulty with stairs, we relocated 160 miles away to a house with a downstairs bedroom/bathroom/own sitting room for her - all accessible from the kitchen and this worked well as she had absolutely no interest in any other part of the house - some PWDs can roam and disrupt.
    Mum's favoured living location would have been a flat above a shoe shop in Oxford Street but we bought a 250 year old house in the country. A big ask of her but because she was with us she felt secure, although in the four years she lived with us in the country she only went out to go somewhere, never ever ventured out to sit in the garden - but she did not do that when she was living on her own so we didn't worry too much about it, although getting her outside when she went for day care at the local care home would have been nice to get some vitamin D into her.
    Sometimes she knew where she was, sometimes she thought she was in a hotel. Silly things mattered, like having pink flannels in her bathroom otherwise she thought she was in a hotel and would remove her possessions from there to her bedroom. We had to stick a sign on the bathroom door and the bedroom door. Fortunately she did not wander, but then (sorry for black humour) she could not get over the style or over the cattle grid!
    Mum died last year. Would I do it again? I would think long and hard about it TBH. Few of us have done this before, we are thrust into it for all sorts of reasons - love, duty, necessity, etc. What they don't tell you is that you will have absolutely no idea how long this will go on for, which can lead to depression, anxiety, stress and so on. You will need to change your work/social habits, which might impact on your relationship with your spouse. You will have to learn to deal with all sorts of personal necessities as health declines. It creeps up on you so don't be frightened of it but you need to be able to cope with incontinence, perhaps not washing or changing clothes, being shouted at (get professional help!). Your health will suffer. I could go on but that is depressing in itself and it is not all doom and gloom of course, it can be rewarding, funny, and it will teach you an awful lot about yourself.
  4. Billy999

    Billy999 New member

    Apr 16, 2019
    Hi Fullticket, food for thought and very helpful, thank you. There are other siblings in the area so we will all be able to help and share the stresses. At the moment, the others are taking all of the strain so this dilutes that. Once again, thank you for taking time out of your day.

    Sorry for your loss...

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