1. Rach31

    Rach31 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2007
    4
    Devon
    My 81 year old father is in a not so good care home(many complaints upheld, poorly run and understaffed) and needs to be moved for his own well being. Social services, GP and my family have agreed he can move to be near me - (I have found a great home, well staffed and 100% confident they can manage situation)so he can have regular visits from me and my family but it is 300 miles from what he knows(knew?). He rarely gets visits where he is - I get there every 3 weeks or so and is lonely and unhappy in the home. Dr says he not depressed but that a chmnage of environment may help him.
    Has anyone got any experience of moving someone without their 100% knowledge of what is going on. Its for the best of reasons but I cannot help feeling a bit deceitful.
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hello and warm welcome.

    I am sure someone on the forum will have some knowledge of this type of situation. Just on reading your post I am sure that the move will only be of benefit to your dad.

    If by this move he has more visiting, and is more cared for, it can only be to the good. Of course any change is unsettling.but I don't believe that most people are 100% behind the decisions taken for them, or are always that aware.

    Only you know your dad best. Hope that things work out for you.
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,865
    Kent
    Hello Rach.

    I moved my mother from an unsatisfactory home to a wonderful home with no ill effects.

    This was in the same area, so she didn`t have to make a long journey. That`s the bit I wonder if your father will be able to manage. Will he be going by car, and will he be going with you? It will be about a 6 hour journey, will you be able to cope?

    Whatever the difficulties, I agree with Connie, that your father will be far better off nearer to you.

    Why on earth do you feel deceitful? You are doing this in your father`s best interests, and if it makes visiting easier for you, that`s a bonus.

    Please let us know how you get on, especially with regards to the journey.

    Love xx
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Rach, a warm welcome from me too.

    It sounds like a good idea to move your dad nearer to you. The home he is in is less than satisfactory, and he doesn't get many visitors, so the move seems to have every advantage. You will be so much happier having him where you can visit regularly, and make sure he is properly cared for.

    Don't worry about being deceitful, you're acting in your father's best interests, and nobody could complain about that.

    Good luck,
     
  5. Rach31

    Rach31 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2007
    4
    Devon
    Thanks

    Thank you to all 3 of you for your support. I know deep down its best for dad and I really want him near me so I can make life happier for him if I can.
    We are flying together on Monday - assuming he agrees to get on the plane, but he seemed keen the other day but who knows on the day!
    Will let you know how its goes.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,865
    Kent
    Good Luck Rach, I hope it goes well.

    Love xx
     
  7. allylee

    allylee Registered User

    Feb 28, 2005
    180
    west mids
    Hi Rach,

    Im in a similar situation. My mum went into a residential home in March but as her AZ worsened they were not equipt to cope with her. To cut a long story short she was heavily sedated which I was very unhappy about.
    I took the decision to move mum to an EMI home in August and mum had little awareness of what was going on.

    I think the guilt and concern is mainly ours.
    Mum was no more confused after the move and within weeks was more responsive as the home reduced the sedation.

    As our parents advocates we have to make these difficult decisions but as Skye says its in the best interests of you dad and thats all that matters.

    Good luck Rach, hope it goes well
    Ally xx
     
  8. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hello Rach,
    I would also like to welcome you to TP. I hope that everything goes well with moving your dad . Hopefully the new home will give your dad the care he deserves and you can both enjoy more time together. Best Wishes for all that's ahead. Taffy.
     
  9. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    270
    England
    Totally agree with the other posts, Rach. I moved my dad to be near me and never regretted it. As in your case, no-one really visited him where he was, even though all his ' friends' lived near. The home sounds great and it will be so much better for both of you for you to be able to visit more easily. Please don't feel guilty - you are doing absolutely the best thing.
    Blue sea
     
  10. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    All the best for the move Rachel. I think that moving Dad away from his "home territory" will be no more stressful than moving him to another home in the next street.

    It's only his immediate surroundings that he's likely to be aware of in each case, so expect him to take a few weeks to settle completely, but it certainly sounds like the right decision for all the right reasons.
     
  11. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Dear Rach

    I agrre with everyone else: moving him will benefit both you and him, so good luck.

    The only "oh err" aspect of the whole thing would be the plane journey, and I'm sure you feel the same way. While theoretically faster (although nowadays with the having to turn up at the airport so early, air traffic delays etc not necessarily) the potential problems would make me a little wary. Forgive me, but is your father continent? If he is, the fact that he won't be able to get up to go to the loo at the time he needs to (potentially) might cause an increase in distress, to mention just one thing. Also, depending on the airline, you may encounter a lack of sensitivity to his problems.

    To be honest, I would take the long car journey anytime: at least on a motorway you know there is a potential bathhroom break 20 miles down the road or so.
     
  12. Rach31

    Rach31 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2007
    4
    Devon
    Update on moving dad

    It all went really well, could not have been better, said goodbyes and took photos, he loved the flight, very calm all day, settled well last night, and I popped in this morning on the way to work. Home is fantastic. He now thinks we have moved to be near him and wished me well in my new job today when I said I was on my way to work. I feel so happy and I know he is far better off in this much better home. Thanks to everyone for support.
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,865
    Kent
    That`s the best news anyone could have Rach. Keep in touch.

    Love xx
     
  14. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Brilliant news Rach ...

    :) I'm so glad it went smoothly for you all, and it should make life easier all round.

    Best wishes
     
  15. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Excellent news Rach: I particularly like the fact he thinks YOU have moved :)
     
  16. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Thanks for updating us Rachael. Sounds promising so far. Well done.
     
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Well done, Rach. I'm glad it has all gone so well.
     
  18. Rach31

    Rach31 Registered User

    Sep 4, 2007
    4
    Devon
    Update on dad

    3 weeks here in the new home, just one agressive moment when he got upset after weeing up the wardrobe so a bit disorientated with room layout but otherwise excellent. Dad has gained 5lbs in the 3 weeks after losing 2 stones in 6 months at the other 'care' home. See him every day and the GP says the social side with me is the most important. Forgets he has moved so we just go with the flow but had him out and about a few times. He is very settled and happier, more good days than not. Home said it was my preparation that ensured a smooth transition and I feel so chuffed to have had more quality time with a dad I have not seen for a while.
    Don't ever give up - the other home told me to 'let him go' in May and starve himself to death but he was just so unhappy in that environment.
    Change of GP has been good too.
    Thanks again for support at a my moment of crisis and doubt.
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,865
    Kent
    Dear Rach.

    You deserve to be posting such good news, for following your instinct and doing what you felt was best for your father and for you.
    Well done. I hope you enjoy many happy hours with the father you thought you were losing.

    Love xx
     
  20. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Well done, Rach! It's such good news that your dad has settled well in his new home, and is putting on weight.

    You've worked so hard to make this work, and you deserve all the credit.

    I hope your dad continues to be well and happy.

    Love,
     

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