My father was recently moved into an Assisted Living facility. He had been diagnosed with Alzheimers and exhibited all the classic signs (hiding food, dangerous driving, wandering, severe memory loss, aggression, etc.). Just recently he was picked up by the police and found outside on a very hot day suffering from heat exhaustion, wandering aimlessly. The County Govt. was ready to get a court order to have him put in a home, his physician, lawyer and a psychologist all had the same opinion. As a family we were nearly unanimous (1 dissenter, subject of post) and the neighbors concurred as well.
When my cousin learned that my father had been moved, she exploded and said she would never talk to us again. The 4th caregiver which she had highly recommended (the 3 others we had hired) as a solution did alright for two days when I was there. On day 3 when I stepped back she lost control of Dad who started wandering again and I had to intervene to keep neighbors from calling the police. Dad was getting very belligerent as well, threatening to kick the caretaker and as before I knew he was eventually going to kick her out of the house.
My cousin thinks that a lot of the symptoms have nothing to do with Alzheimers but are stress oriented. She keeps insisting that if he had the perfect setup and the right person to take care of him that he would get a lot better. She also feels that he should stay until the end of his days inside his house where he will die with "dignity". She accuses us of rushing him into care, acting out of greed to grab assets, and not trying "hard enough". When I mentioned that the county would force the move she replied "that is because they don't know the truth and you aren't interested in telling them it could work out". FYI, county officials had been to the house many times and based on their observations said his life and others lives could be in jeopardy.
What can I do to help my cousin understand? I am hurt by these accusations and deeply offended that she feels entitled to direct our family around while doing almost nothing. While I spent 8-9 months feeding, driving, arranging appointments, and running the house for Dad and Mom (Mom was seriously ill and died two months ago) she did nothing but help out for a few evenings while I was away recently. My wonderful brother came often to help and without his support I could have never made it through the ordeal we went through. Even my mother recognized that Dad was in bad shape and often slept in other rooms as she was afraid. Thanks...
When my cousin learned that my father had been moved, she exploded and said she would never talk to us again. The 4th caregiver which she had highly recommended (the 3 others we had hired) as a solution did alright for two days when I was there. On day 3 when I stepped back she lost control of Dad who started wandering again and I had to intervene to keep neighbors from calling the police. Dad was getting very belligerent as well, threatening to kick the caretaker and as before I knew he was eventually going to kick her out of the house.
My cousin thinks that a lot of the symptoms have nothing to do with Alzheimers but are stress oriented. She keeps insisting that if he had the perfect setup and the right person to take care of him that he would get a lot better. She also feels that he should stay until the end of his days inside his house where he will die with "dignity". She accuses us of rushing him into care, acting out of greed to grab assets, and not trying "hard enough". When I mentioned that the county would force the move she replied "that is because they don't know the truth and you aren't interested in telling them it could work out". FYI, county officials had been to the house many times and based on their observations said his life and others lives could be in jeopardy.
What can I do to help my cousin understand? I am hurt by these accusations and deeply offended that she feels entitled to direct our family around while doing almost nothing. While I spent 8-9 months feeding, driving, arranging appointments, and running the house for Dad and Mom (Mom was seriously ill and died two months ago) she did nothing but help out for a few evenings while I was away recently. My wonderful brother came often to help and without his support I could have never made it through the ordeal we went through. Even my mother recognized that Dad was in bad shape and often slept in other rooms as she was afraid. Thanks...
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