Move to care home......

[emmamac]

Hello everyone
I posted at the weekend about how concerned I was about SS finding a good home for mum and my worries around this. I’m really pleased to say that on Monday , SS had a meeting and confirmed that mum couldn’t be discharged home and would need residential care. They offered her a bed in a home about 10 miles away which worried me at first. But on visiting it on Tuesday, I can only say it was really lovely. She will be assessed tomorrow and hopefully all should be sorted quickly.

Work have been great and told me to take the time I need to sort everything. Today I gave notice on the house she has lived in since I was 3 and started the painful process of clearing it. Don’t think I’ve cried in a very long time so much as I have over the last few days.

I would really appreciate advice on settling mum in her new home. I know I can personalize her room etc but am more worried about her becoming unhappy and unsettled. She is now quite happy in her little side room at the hospital and is really doing well. She thinks its home. I hate to think she will be unsettled and unhappy again when she’s moved. I know this is unavoidable, and probably I need to get a grip on my own anxieties and stress levels! But just not sure whether I should go more often or less often or what!! Also I won’t be able to go as often as she’s further away. We’ve always seen each other several times a week, and in the last two years every single day. I know I need a break and she needs company and care which she will get, but I feel heartbroken that this is a shift to a different life for us both. Oops here I go again, tears for the millionth time today! Xxx

 

[canary]

Im so glad that your mum is moving to a lovely care home, that will be a great weight off your mind.

She is bound to be unsettled and anxious to begin with, but the carers will have seen it all before.
When you go and visit staple a bright smile on your face and watch your body language. You want to aim for an attitude of Isnt This All Very Nice. If you can convey to her that everything is good and you have no worries then she will be reassured. Go on an exploration of the place, admire everything and be very positive. Dont stay too long so that she doent get tired and dont do long goodbyes - in fact one of the tips I got from here is to leave your coat and bag in the car or the managers offfice so that when you leave there is no visual cue and just say that you must speak to someone, or need the loo and that you will see her soon - and then just go. Dont get upset, or (even worse) cry in front of her - this will alarm her and make her feel that something terrible will be happening. I used to time my visits to mum so that I left when a meal was being served so that she had that as a distraction.

Once you have left you will probably feel drained, so you might want to do something nice afterwards. Dont worry that you cant visit all that often, its actually not a good idea to visit that much to start with because she needs to learn to look to the carers for her needs and perhaps get to know some of the other residents too. I was not able to visit mum every day because I am OHs carer too, but it was all fine.

 

[emmamac]

Im so glad that your mum is moving to a lovely care home, that will be a great weight off your mind.

She is bound to be unsettled and anxious to begin with, but the carers will have seen it all before.
When you go and visit staple a bright smile on your face and watch your body language. You want to aim for an attitude of Isnt This All Very Nice. If you can convey to her that everything is good and you have no worries then she will be reassured. Go on an exploration of the place, admire everything and be very positive. Dont stay too long so that she doent get tired and dont do long goodbyes - in fact one of the tips I got from here is to leave your coat and bag in the car or the managers offfice so that when you leave there is no visual cue and just say that you must speak to someone, or need the loo and that you will see her soon - and then just go. Dont get upset, or (even worse) cry in front of her - this will alarm her and make her feel that something terrible will be happening. I used to time my visits to mum so that I left when a meal was being served so that she had that as a distraction.

Once you have left you will probably feel drained, so you might want to do something nice afterwards. Dont worry that you cant visit all that often, its actually not a good idea to visit that much to start with because she needs to learn to look to the carers for her needs and perhaps get to know some of the other residents too. I was not able to visit mum every day because I am OHs carer too, but it was all fine.

Canary your advice is always so good .... thank you! Makes so much sense. Time for big girl pants for me xx