Move to a new nursing house with husband or not?

[SmogTheCat]

I start with a short summary about the situation:
Antonietta, my grandmother, is affected by Dementia/Alzheimer and she is in a nursing house since last October
Angerlo, her husband, is in an other nursing house due to physical problems since last May and since last July he is on a wheelchair.

Antonietta doesn't know the new Angelo situation.

Angelo is thinking a lot to his wife and he desired to stay in the same nursing house with her. He is very depressed and he is losing the deside of living because he feels alone.

They are in two different nursing house because we are waiting to move both of them in an other nursing house cheaper then these and nearest to my house.

We are thinking if it could be good to move temporarily Antonietta in the Angelo Nursing house, then, move them in the new one.
How can Antonietta reacts if she met Angelo for some weeks and/or months, then we move him or her in the new nursing house...
We know that is impossible the news nursing house could be accept them in the same time. Antonietta will be place in the Alzheimer area, and Angelo in the "regular" one. They could meet during the day.

I hope you can understand my "doubt". Otherwise I'll try to write in an other way

 

[Lila13]

Hope you can move them to be together soon. I don't think anyone can predict how your grandmother will react, or if she'll even remember who he is. Does she remember who's who in the family generally?

Lila

 

[SmogTheCat]

Does she remember who's who in the family generally?

Yes and no.
For example yesterday she told to the nurse: she is my daughter (speaking about my mum, so she was right) and after 5 minutes she told to the same nurse: "she is my husband", always speaking about my Mum.

Sometimes I "become" a boy... other times her daughter....
She started confusing a lot.

We are wondering about the separation after the reunion. Because at the moment we could put them in the same nursing house but it will be a temporarily situation because we are waiting to move them in the nursing house near home that is cheaper and has an area specific for Alzheimer's people. So they will de separated for some timed and then pu together in the same nursing home.

 

[noelphobic]

My gut instinct would be to move her as little as possible. I think 2 moves in a relatively short space of time would be very unsettling and would wait until the second home was ready to take them both. Just my opnion but that is how I think I would handle it.

 

[Amy]

Oh Smog, what a difficult situation. Does Angelo get to visit his wife at all, or could she visit him? You also have to consider the affect on him of the continuing absence. I think that it is one of those situations where no matter what you do, someone will be hurt. Maybe the least hurt would be caused by leaving things as they are, but trying to increase contact with Angelo with either his wife or other family members so he feels less isolated. On the other hand, life is fragile, and would it be best just to let husband and wife be together whilst they can be, because you never know what the future holds.
So sorry Smog, I am of no help at all - just understand what a difficult decision has to be made.
Love Helen

 

[Margarita]

I know they say every one is different with AD that saying is so true.

With my mother one min in Gibraltar on holiday next in England then in few respite then back home with me and I have never had a issue with confusion like I have read . I feel it depends on the carer attitude knowing what to expect and how to handle it if the issue arrive with the confusion seeing that Antonietta will have trained people who deal with her condition for warn the staff what your intention are for the 2 move so then it should go well

 

[SmogTheCat]

Does Angelo get to visit his wife at all, or could she visit him?

He visited her every 4- 6 weeks befor stop walking.
Since July he haven't visited her because he isn't able to walk and he need a wheelchair.
My Mum and I aren't able to load him in the car, then unload and put on the wheelchair.

 

[SmogTheCat]

we decided.
We talked with nurses and doctor at Antonietta nursing house and we decided to move Angelo with her.
Angelo will be moved on Friday.
Yestrday we asked him if he want to move to Antonietta Nursing home and he said "yes, I want".
We will told to Antonietta that Angelo needs to be cared, so he stay in the same "hospital" with her.
They will not stay in the same bedroom, but they will be together during the daytime, lunch and dinner.

We hope they will be happy together.

 

[Amy]

Hiya Smog,
I hope so too. I think that I would have made the same decision.
Love Helen