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Move into residential care.

Tango2708

Registered User
Oct 15, 2015
2
We as a family are going through a very difficult time at the moment. Mums Dementia is progressing and Dad has been struggling to cope. He is undergoing treatment for Cancer and has other health problems as well.
I have managed to find some respite care for Mum to give Dad a rest, but he is so distressed at her going into care that he is getting no rest or sleep at all! On top of that Mum is not settling into the home and just pleads to come home. I'm not sure that the care home is set up to care for Mum who is very mobile and needs a lot of stimulation. Dad wants me to bring her home all the time and I feel I will have to do this even if it all breaks down again. HELP!!!
 

Mrsbusy

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
355
I know that it's very unpleasant o see your Mum unsettled etc but she is in a safe place with people helping her full time. Your Dad won't feel upto or be able to give her that much care which she needs. Can you not say to your Dad that his GP insist that she stays there so he can recuperate and gets his strength back or he will end up in hospital again for his health in which case your mother will be put back into a care home until he is released again, therefore unsettling her again.

He needs to be persuaded to be a little selfish, I know it's not easy, but I'm sure he needs every bit of respite he can get for a few weeks or days and then maybe visit it her once you know she has settled. Maybe if he sees her happier in the home he will accept the situation.

I know on TP we say about little lies, but it's not only in dementia sometimes we have to shield the other parent from the truth and say she is doing better than she is, then he will maybe not beat himself up about it. Just stretch the truth sometimes and give him peace of mind.