mothers day or not,,,,,just dont know anymore

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by caring a, Mar 14, 2015.

  1. caring a

    caring a Registered User

    Mar 1, 2014
    hi all,,
    this year i feel so s,,t,,,but i havnt as yet got anything for mum 4 mothers day,,,she loves flowers est and always spoilt her,,but now i fear if i remind her of her mum who she thinks is alive but pased 40 yrs ago...
    i just dont know what to do,,,people come and say ohh mothers day tommorow has he got you something nice,,,,i feel so tight,,,,but they have no idea,,,at all...
    every morning bout 10 its the same mixed up repetative rants,,,and tomorow will be so upsetting 4 her if she feels shes been denied going to see her mum,,,,,
    any ideas,,,,i am bad not giving her her gifts est,,,,,
    she thinks me as her brother,,,husband,,and sometimes son which am.....
    lifes slipping by and you do get so down at times,,,,,
    sorry to go on,,,,,,,,
  2. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015

    We are also having the same problem. My mom thinks my sister is her mother and that my dad is still alive.

    We have decided to treat it as Mother's day as this could be the last one we get, so we are going to take her out the care home for a few hours, even though she won't remember.

    So this year it is about us, and making our hearts feel a bit lighter. To my mom it will just be another day.

    If it makes you feel better, then do something.
  3. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    Just buy a lovely bunch of flowers.
    You don't have to say it's because it's Mother's Day if you choose not to.
    They will lift your spirits as well as, hopefully, her's.
  4. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    Traditionally Mother's Day, or Mothering Sunday, was a day for absent working children to travel to visit their mother and reaffirm the family bond. The tradition continues, even though most people have the freedom to visit their mums whenever they want. We bring treats and pampering, in recognition of all the things our mothers have done for us.

    I don't think it is particularly important to observe this tradition unless it gives pleasure to our mums. If it will upset and confuse your mum then it isn't a good idea. As Saffie says, you can still give her flowers without saying to her that it is a special occasion. "Just because I thought you'd like it" is sufficient explanation if asked.

    Why do we bring flowers on Mother's Day? In earlier times, flowers at this time of year would have been hard to come by, which is why it used to be bunches of snowdrops and daffodils. The Christian Church, which adopted existing popular folk traditions, chose a Sunday at the very beginning of Spring to honour the mother of Jesus (and to honour earthly mothers). This must have been an adopted fertility festival, just at the point when the first ploughing of the year was due to begin.

    My point is that observing Mother's Day is not a fixed and immovable obligation. The opportunity to celebrate motherhood derives from ancient fertility rites and has persisted over thousands of years, evolving into whatever celebrations seemed best for the times. You should feel NO guilt or inadequacy if you choose not to celebrate something called Mother's Day. Just get the flowers! She will enjoy them, and so will you. :)
  5. Marie T

    Marie T Registered User

    Mar 14, 2015

    Don't be sorry, your loosening the most important person in your life ...! You will feel angry depressed lonely and a lot more ...! But never loose sight of the person she was ...? your Mum x. The only thing you can do is be there for her through this horrible jurney she is on x
  6. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    When I was a child we used to be given a small bunch of flowers to take home for our mothers from Sunday school on Mothering Sunday.
    No cards nor any other presents then.
  7. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Kevin - you googled the wrong thing Im afraid. Mothers Day is indeed a secular thing and came from US, but Mothering Sunday came first

    I agree, you dont have to say anything, just give her some flowers - I am sure she will be pleased even if she doesnt know why you have given them to her.
  9. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    Me too. I remember being given a little bunch of violets to take home in the early 50s.
  10. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    I googled Mothers' Day (which is what the thread is about, it's tomorrow and as you say secular and as such is open to people of any or no religion it is nothing to do with Jesus and that was the comment I was correcting.
    There is a Christian festival called Mothering Sunday which was "originally a celebration of the mother church, not motherhood" (Wiki) so was nothing to do with being a Mother the Mother was the Mother church so the description "to honour the mother of Jesus" as was said is wholly inaccurate. It is secular with a similar name to a completely different Christian tradition.
    As I say it is open to people of all faiths to celebrate if they see fit and should not be claimed as Christian when it isn't as this may exclude those of other faiths either accidentally or by design.
  11. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    #11 Katrine, Mar 14, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2015
    I was being corrected, was I? By a gleaning from Wikipedia. :D In the UK Mother's Day is a non-religious annual event but it's held on Mothering Sunday. The evolution to a non-Christian, and therefore more inclusive, Mother's Day just shows that we still want to celebrate the nurturing role of mothers. BTW, don't be fooled by 'Mother Church' not being about women. It was all part of providing both a female and a male identity to the Christian God. Without Mother Church, the Virgin Mary, and various female saints the peasantry would have looked more to paganism to provide the 'mother' aspect to their beliefs.

    Anyhoo! Mother's Day, and any other nationally celebrated day, can be a pleasure or a pain, depending on your circumstances. I wish people didn't feel compelled to follow where the gift and greetings card industry leads them. Don't get me started on Christmas.:rolleyes:
  12. Allypally52

    Allypally52 Registered User

    Mar 11, 2014
    I totally agree that a lovely bunch of flowers as a symbolic 'thank you' is a fine idea. There's no law against love!
    (PS Having lived in Australia for several years I discovered that, like the USA, Mother's Day is celebrated in May, not the pre-Easter UK Mothering Sunday.)
  13. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    Mothers Day. Mothering Sunday. Me mam told me that in 1949 when she had suffered a still birth of her first child, a week later she went to visit her MIL (me Nana, she was lovely but a very superstitious spiritualist Christian) ...
    Anyway... She went to see her, walked two miles. Needing company, fresh air and cheering up after her traumatic experience...
    And me Nana wouldn't let her in the house!
    She hadn't been churched.

    Mothers eh?

    Worth their weight in gold.

    Except if they see gremlins. :)

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  14. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    When I was a girl, my sisters and I would make a home-made card for our mam.
    But the real treat for her was breakfast in bed! Poor mam, she wasn't allowed to get up until she had eaten the (slightly burnt) toast and (slightly undercooked) boiled egg, and drunk her cup of tea.
    I think she appreciated the thought......

    Can I just send kind thoughts to all of you for whom Mothers' Day is a painful reminder of lost loved ones, and hope there are happy memories to ease the loss.

    sleepless x
  15. alwaysfretting

    alwaysfretting Registered User

    Jan 1, 2015
    I find mothers day hard going. Haven't got children of my own and mum has Alzheimer's. People can be quite insensitive about not realising it can be a difficult day for lots of reasons. I'm with mum at the weekends and gave her daffs this morning but didn't give a reason.
  16. Lisa74

    Lisa74 Registered User

    May 27, 2011
    I think we are going to try not to mention that it is Mothering Sunday for the same reason!

    My Gran thinks her Mum lives next door and that we are very cruelly preventing her from visiting (her Mum lived in Australia and died 50 years ago).

    The plan is to give Granny a few little presents late in the evening or just before bed so that she doesn't have too much time to think about things and we won't mention what day it is!
  17. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Mothers day was last Saturday when my brother visited for the day and it will be again when my sister visits next week but not today.
  18. Perdita

    Perdita Registered User

    Jun 22, 2009
    Suffolk, Uk
    Me too- in the sixties.

    Just laughing with mum that my brother bought her chocs and flowers while I only managed to buy her something to wash her bum with:eek: 'Least it's useful' she says:)
  19. jimbo 111

    jimbo 111 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2009
    North Bucks
  20. caring a

    caring a Registered User

    Mar 1, 2014
    well ive done nothing as planned,,,no flowers/cards or anything,,,,,
    opened box of toffees but no mention of the m,,d word,,
    alls gone great,,shes had a lovely day with very little confusion at all,,,fingers crosssed...
    just asked where her mum was,,to which i told her having a nap i think,,,which i guess is kinda true,,,,,,,so said ahh and that was that,,
    if ida done mothers day,,,would have been hell and sadness all day wanting her mum,,
    and as i care for mum 24/7,,,i guess its mothers day every day here,,,,
    love to you all

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