1. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    I went to the local shop today and saw the display of cards for Mothers Day, when I started to read them I realised how much Mum has changed since last year.

    I shed a tear because the messages were about how much our Mum's mean to us, how they are at the end of the phone, how they encourage and help us in so many ways.

    I couldn't find a single one that relates to Mum as she is today.

    She is there, but not, I am no longer recognised as her daughter,the phone is a mysterious object that makes noises at her, she is no longer able to chat about anything, so the mass produced cards no longer mean anything to either of us.

    Rather than allow myself to get too down, I have decided to make her a card, as I did when I was her little girl.

    She still inspires me with her courage, still brings joy to my heart when she smiles and tries so hard to make herself understood, she is still my Mum, just in a different but still wonderful way.

    I miss her.

  2. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006

    As you know from my own post, my mum died recently, so Mother's Day is haunting me in every shop I go at the moment :mad:

    Anyway, I think making a card is a great idea....you can really feel that it says everything you want it to say.....

  3. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    Hi Kathleen

    I know exactly what you mean. I think it's a great idea to make a card. I'm afraid I won't be following your example though, my arty skills are about at the level of a 5 year old, which is probably the last time I made my mum a card!

    I did buy one on Friday. It's a very simple one that says 'Especially for you Mum' on the front and inside says 'Happy Mothers Day'. To be honest, I don't like overly sentimental cards anyway so it's probably something I'd choose even if she wasn't ill.

    Last year either for Mother's Day or her birthday not sure which one - short term memory loss! - I bought her a new handbag. This was because her handbag had been 'lost' in the care home, along with her spectacles and bottom dentures! We never saw the new handbag again either which is quite upsetting. She used to like to keep her handbag with her all the time, even though there was never much in it. She is in a wheelchair now and in a new home and I have noticed that some ot the other ladies keep their handbags hanging from the wheelchair handles so I am going to try again and buy her a new one.

    The old home think we owe them money and we are delaying paying them - long story, another time! I think if and when we do pay them we will make a deduction for the lost items
  4. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I sometimes buy cards on the internet from a company called Moonpig. You register birthdays etc with them and they send you reminders which can be handy. However, last year they sent me a reminder about Father's Day and my dad had not long died. I sent them an email telling them, not really expecting them to be willing or able to do anything about it but they did respond and said they would put me on their 'list' to not send future reminders for Father's Day. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about the cards in the shops but it will get easier with time.

    One thing that bugs me slightly is that a lot of banks etc will use your mother's maiden name for security questions. I think that it is a very outdated question anyway - I'm a mother and I've never been married! I do also think that it must be upsetting for someone who's recently lost their mother to be asked that question.

    I think everything feels so raw when you are newly bereaved but things do heal in time. Things are never quite the same again but the pain becomes less intense.
  5. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I tend to choose blank cards with a picture I think she'll like, she can still read well enough to appreciate whatever I write for her. (As long as it's not another list of bossy do's and don't's!)
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Kathleen,
    How I dread the times of having to buy cards - sometimes try to play down these "official" times, and buy gifts and flowers etc just when I feel like it.
    Like you am likely to either make a card or buy a pretty plain one, mum won't even look at it though, so probably better to buy a box of chocolates that she will at least enjoy!
  7. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    How about flowers with a small gift card? I think I'll get Mom a coursage she can wear it all day.
  8. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Never much cared for Mother's Day for various reasons - one of which is mum is impossible to please (even when she is/was well!). I begrudge paying premium rates for boxed chocolates and flowers (bah! Humbug!!) (I'm the sort tells hubby to buy me flowers the week AFTER Valentine's Day!) .. however I am aware this may be the last Mother's Day she is even remotely aware of...

    We are trying to think of practical gifts - like camisoles 'coz she's past doing up a bra even on a good day - and are planning a 'Ground Force' day to ritz up her garden....any one out there has other ideas, gratefully received!
  9. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Oh yes, those awful haunting greetings cards.
    My Dad died many years ago (cancer) but I still get teary when buying any kind of card for Mum, because the "Wonderful Dad" ones are right there staring at me, and I shall never need one of them again. So silly really, 'cos Dad didn't like any sort of fuss anyway!
    Good idea, making your own card, if you have the talent &/or the time. Failing that, focus on the design (lovely flowers, cuddley kittens, adorable dogs etc.) of the card - or chocolate box? Mum has a collection of picture choc. boxes, containing family photos that go way back ...
  10. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    just been reading your letters about cards, this mothers day will probably be my last one with my mum as her dementia is very progressive, ive looked at loads of cards and put them back, knowing that when i do get one it will be the last one i'll buy her, im not finding it easy at all.
    any ideas how i can make this one a special one for her? even though she probably wont remember it,
  11. janey

    janey Registered User

    Jun 29, 2004

    Hi Donna and everyone else
    My Mum's dementia is advanced too, so this may well be our last Mothers' Day too (though I thought that last year too). I'll buy Mum flowers because evn now her face lights up when I hold them close so she can see.
  12. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi janey
    well i managed to pick a card today so thats something!!
    I just wish i could give her back one day of her "old life" so we could tell her how much we care, and she wouldnt forget!
    im so glad you had the chance to get another mothers day with your mum, i hope i get that chance also, next year who knows!
    thanks for replying :)
  13. Maggymay

    Maggymay Registered User

    Mar 22, 2006
    Mothers Day

    :eek: Hi everyone
    Reading your letters about cards, this mothers day, I will be making my own too, what I thought I would do is bring mum over in the car the day before and prop her up in my bed, so that she wont be too exhausted on mothers day, that way she is still resting, but being “out” for the day with a big box of chocs, for a year she was on a strict diet due to high cholesterol, now that she can eat what she wants this will be her treat, she loves chocs. And she will get to see all my visitors.

    I only live in a 1 bed flat so she cant help but see everyone come and go and I have a very busy home with grandchildren popping in on an almost daily basis.

    Chin up, we are all going to make a difference to our relatives no matter how little it is at least they have us.

  14. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Thanks for posting that line Margaret. I think we forget how important we are sometimes.
  15. Maggymay

    Maggymay Registered User

    Mar 22, 2006
    We are needed

    I'm glad I could cheer someone up, after all the fantastic support I have receive from all of you. I feel better knowing you are all out there, and that we can help each other.

  16. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Talking about mother day I pick a lovely card for my mother, even thought when I was younger mum never really cared for them even birthdays mine & my brothers, just another day to mum only until I had my children gave to them what mum did not for me , now my teenagers make so much fuss about birthdays & mothers day for me not that I am complaining :)

    Its always breakfast in bed on mother day they cook while I try & sit and not interfere lol.

    My father pass away 4 years ago & I still find myself picking up & buying a card ,then give it to one of my 3 girls ,who have forgot to get one for there dad .
  17. jakky

    jakky Registered User

    Jan 30, 2006
    Managed to find a Mothers Day card with apt wording, I had to buy it, floral front and
    absolutely no choice:



  18. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    That says it all Jakky. Hope you both have a good day.
  19. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Well done, jakky.

    Maybe this is why I get so grumpy about commercialism. It's pressure. All of us on this forum who are caring for 'mum' (or have 'lost' mum already - or for any other association) are anxious about Mother's Day in some way or other. None of us need the pressure.

    If we want to tell mum - or whoever - them midnight on Wednesday next that we love them (or in the next five minutes, or whenever) and we think they are the best mum in the world then fine.... (and I guess, like many others, I tell her every time I see her these days, twice, three times a day sometimes even if I know she hasn't heard me).

    I couldn't buy mum her favourite cakes from the bakers today because the display was filled up with pink-iced sponge cakes. Mum doesn't 'do' pink icing, never has. (Mum's more apple pie - and bothered about the football results if she remembers it's Saturday).

    My mum - as everyone else's mum is unique. Her birthday, her special anniversaries I make every effort to celebrate in a way that is personal to her. I am doing what I plan on Sunday because I feel I 'have to' - and whilst it will please mum, she will not realise (or will soon after forget) that it is Mother's Day.

    Are we doing it for them? - or because we feel we must conform? Wouldn't we do it anyway, but on a day of their/our choosing?

    Dad (a lifelong NON-smoker) always said the only day he ever felt like lighting a cigarette was National Non-smoking Day. Perhaps I just take after him too much and don't like being told what to do by bureaucrats and commercial gurus.....

    I'll tell mum how much I love her in my own way (but yes I HAVE spent a fortune on a card, (blank for my own words), planned a 'special tea', flowers for Sunday.....) ... (sigh!)......
  20. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    Last sunday was my moms 70th birthday, had to buy card for dad and hold his hand to write it for her knowing it's the last card he will write. It broke my heart. On a good note i've come back from Deven today with mom. Dad went into respite for 7 days, Mom had had agreat time but it doesn't stop you feeling guilty about leaving dad behind. going to fetch him home in the morning.I know he will have no idea how long he has been there, but i can't wait to see his face, he always gives me lovely smiles. Lot's of tears thats mostly mine.:) janet:)

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