Before Mum went into care (and before I became her POA) this is what we did. We never had to use a cashpoint but when we did her weekly shop, paid the hairdresser or bought new clothes she always handed me her card and said “just you do it please.” She always kept the card but would never use it as she found it too confusing.
Mothers bank account
- Thread starter Giddyupgo1971
- Start date
Before Mum went into care (and before I became her POA) this is what we did. We never had to use a cashpoint but when we did her weekly shop, paid the hairdresser or bought new clothes she always handed me her card and said “just you do it please.” She always kept the card but would never use it as she found it too confusing.
Hi yes indeed why would he want money if he’s been already withdrawing from cash machines etc to which he has told me of a sum of £7500 so far ,he is now telling others that I had agreed he could use my mothers card obviously I didn’t what so ever and why hasn’t he kept me in the loop of what he has had to pay out for etc .we agreed he would empty contents of property into my mothers garage and clean flat up a lick of paint etc , oh no he has completely over hauled the flat new carpets throughout new central heating new doors and not even once called me to tell me he was doing all of this ..unfortunately I see the good side in most people and I think he is up to no good just don’t know how to prove it ..thanks again
Thank you couldn’t get my head around a bank playing a recording of me putting a stop on my mothers card to the person that has been using it ..think he was trying to scare me ..thank you for your time .
So who gave him permission or instructed him to do what he has done, his mother in law, your sister?
Sorry but this all sounds very dodgy, and if he makes any more implied threats, because that’s what it sounds like, I would think about speaking to the police
Sorry but this all sounds very dodgy, and if he makes any more implied threats, because that’s what it sounds like, I would think about speaking to the police
Why would he misunderstand agreed lick of paint to complete refurbishment and replace central heating! That is a very expensive case of crossed wires! That is a lot of money to withdraw on a
Cash card he shouldn't be using and the niece also has no business handling her card. The two people who should be helping your mum make decisions if she needs are you and your sister jointly...have you asked her directly about your concerns?
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Hi my mother says one thing to me and one thing to them I stopped her card as she was concerned as to who actually had it and then tells them she never said that to me and that I stopped it knowing that they had it
And that is probably where it started to get messy because it could be that your mum is saying something else to your sister. Have you tried talking to your sister face to face about the situation?
given this
if you are content that your sister be your mum's Attorney, then all anyone can and need do now is to wait for the LPAs to be registered and returned (if your sister has organised the preparation and signing of LPAs); effectively your sister has oversight of your mum's financial affairs and as Attorney will be able to sort out the issues at the bank
maybe you and your sister can have a chat over a cuppa, with no-one else around, and discuss how, unfortunately, you've both been getting mixed message from your mum, have both been acting in what you thought was her best interest but neither had realised that the other was being given a different story - might that begin to resolve whatever has been going on?
which confusion is, sadly, not unusual for someone with dementia, it's probably for the best that it's been made clear that someone needs to have legal authority to support your mum in managing her finances
if you are content that your sister be your mum's Attorney, then all anyone can and need do now is to wait for the LPAs to be registered and returned (if your sister has organised the preparation and signing of LPAs); effectively your sister has oversight of your mum's financial affairs and as Attorney will be able to sort out the issues at the bank
maybe you and your sister can have a chat over a cuppa, with no-one else around, and discuss how, unfortunately, you've both been getting mixed message from your mum, have both been acting in what you thought was her best interest but neither had realised that the other was being given a different story - might that begin to resolve whatever has been going on?
My sister gets very angry when I involve my self with my mothers affairs and if my wife tries to help or look after my mum in any way she receives threats via text from my sister why I don’t know ,my wife actually works as a manager for elderly sheltered homes and is also very concerned with all this behaviour from my sisters side of family ..they are now telling me my mother has lost her Moblie phone so now I cannot contact her when I want to talk , unfortunately I see good side in everybody and everybody I know and have spoke to say they are up to no good .
OH
that is unhelpful at the very least, and explains your concern @Giddyupgo1971
you can call the care home and ask to speak to your mum using thekr phone, though maybe it's unfair to ask her to shed any light on her situation - but you can just have a general chat with her, if that wouldn't confuse her, to be sure she is OK in herself - and you can ask the care home manager how your mum is doing to keep up to date
do you all believe that your mum has capacity to make her own decisions? I ask because if she has, then she is at liberty to make (even bad) decisions, including choosing who is to be her Attorney; if not, then someone needs to apply to be her Deputy
if you have real and ongoing concerns about her daughter's fitness to be her Attorney or Deputy, contact the OPG and discuss the issues with them - you don't need, at first, to involve names etc, just ask for advice should such a situation arise - I have found them very approachable and helpful
that is unhelpful at the very least, and explains your concern @Giddyupgo1971
you can call the care home and ask to speak to your mum using thekr phone, though maybe it's unfair to ask her to shed any light on her situation - but you can just have a general chat with her, if that wouldn't confuse her, to be sure she is OK in herself - and you can ask the care home manager how your mum is doing to keep up to date
do you all believe that your mum has capacity to make her own decisions? I ask because if she has, then she is at liberty to make (even bad) decisions, including choosing who is to be her Attorney; if not, then someone needs to apply to be her Deputy
if you have real and ongoing concerns about her daughter's fitness to be her Attorney or Deputy, contact the OPG and discuss the issues with them - you don't need, at first, to involve names etc, just ask for advice should such a situation arise - I have found them very approachable and helpful
Thanks for reply..my mum has no capacity to make decisions now sadly and yes I know I can call care home and ask about my mum etc very strange though how phone has now vanished ?
That is indeed a sad situation. Do you live far away from the care home that to maintain contact with your mum you could pop in?
i live about 1 hour away so not that far will go and see her on weekend but fear the other members of a family will cause me trouble whilst visiting because of cash business
I can understand that...you don't want confrontation in your Mum's care home
..not good for anyone involved. However don't let that put you off going if you want to see her. Your sister cannot manipulate or exercise her control over every situation to lessen your involvement and particularly if you want to visit. Would it help if your wife went with you...moral support. Do you know any of the senior staff who may be on duty at the weekend who you could chat to and see how they feel your mum is doing and coping with family visits etc If your sister and BIL do pop in ...perhaps the home have a quiet area that you both can attempt to talk without it becoming an heated exchange. Shedrech had offered good advice with regard to the poa situation. Wills..power of attorney...inheritance seems to bring out the worst in some siblings
hi @Giddyupgo1971
I'm attaching a link to the OPG website re Deputyship
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/deputy-guidance-how-to-carry-out-your-duties and
https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy
if your mum has been deemed to no longer have capacity, then the only option for managing her financial and property affairs properly is for someone to apply to become her Deputy
that person will have to provide yearly accounting of all transactions made on your mum's behalf and these must be full and accurate
a Deputy is fully accountable to the OPG and is carefully monitored
if your sister has made an application, her actions will be scrutinised and any monies paid out have to be fully explained - and an annual fee is charged for this supervision
however, it will take quite some time for the application to be processed - it is possible to ask for an interim order to deal with her day to day finances
and someone can apply to the DWP to become an Appointee to deal with her state benefits
if this isn't done no-one has the legal authority to deal with your mum's finances and the bank has every right to freeze her accounts and allow no-one access
how then would arrangements be made to pay for care fees, either for home care or to fund a care home placement?
there's also the issue of your mum's property - I am assuming she owns it - it will be part of a financial assessment should your mum move into a care home permanently and therefore your mum will be self-funding and the property will need to be sold (or possibly rented out at full market rate) - any application for Deputyship needs to include asking permission for the Deputy to act to sell her property - if it's not included in the initial application, another has to be made and another fee paid
it sounds as though your sister has been dealing with things 'on the quiet' which can't continue indefinitely
I'm attaching a link to the OPG website re Deputyship
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/deputy-guidance-how-to-carry-out-your-duties and
https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy
if your mum has been deemed to no longer have capacity, then the only option for managing her financial and property affairs properly is for someone to apply to become her Deputy
that person will have to provide yearly accounting of all transactions made on your mum's behalf and these must be full and accurate
a Deputy is fully accountable to the OPG and is carefully monitored
if your sister has made an application, her actions will be scrutinised and any monies paid out have to be fully explained - and an annual fee is charged for this supervision
however, it will take quite some time for the application to be processed - it is possible to ask for an interim order to deal with her day to day finances
and someone can apply to the DWP to become an Appointee to deal with her state benefits
if this isn't done no-one has the legal authority to deal with your mum's finances and the bank has every right to freeze her accounts and allow no-one access
how then would arrangements be made to pay for care fees, either for home care or to fund a care home placement?
there's also the issue of your mum's property - I am assuming she owns it - it will be part of a financial assessment should your mum move into a care home permanently and therefore your mum will be self-funding and the property will need to be sold (or possibly rented out at full market rate) - any application for Deputyship needs to include asking permission for the Deputy to act to sell her property - if it's not included in the initial application, another has to be made and another fee paid
it sounds as though your sister has been dealing with things 'on the quiet' which can't continue indefinitely
