This is my first post on this site / forum, and I am posting it here simply because I am a gay man and feel that my sexuality is making the scenario even worse. I hope that, maybe, I can get some advice, and find some empathy from others in a similar situation. I detected problems with my Mother during 2012. I have collected Christmas and Birthday cards from those closest to me for many years. I had kept Her Christmas card to me from 2011. It was written in the normal the way I had been used to seeing from my Mother. I then received a birthday card from Her in October 2012. Her writing seemed shaky and hesitant, but Her greeting was still clear. Finally, I got her Christmas card in December 2012. She could not complete it and my Dad had to finish it for her. I took her to see her GP, and She did not know where to go (to the reception desk) when we went in, even though she had been there many times over the years. The GP referred her to a specialist. When she saw the specialist in February 2013, her MMSE score was 16/30. Her deterioration in 2013 was gradual, but she then fell and broke Her hip (in her home's kitchen) in October 2013. She had pre-existing mobility problems due to arthritis, and a stair-lift had been installed a few years ago, but this made things worse after that. Since then, the deterioration has been more rapid, and especially in the past few months. Six weeks ago, I took Her (with my Dad) to see a specialist doctor again. She advised us that Her MMSE score was now just 4/30. By now, it was becoming increasingly obvious that Mum needed proper, professional care. My Dad has been doing His very best for the past couple of years, but He is 77 and his own health has been deteriorating - largely due to ageing and stress. My Dad, sister and me visited a local care home six weeks ago. It is a very new and purpose-built place, and it seemed like a good place for Mum to be placed in. She was provisionally due to be admitted thee on 15 June this year. However, that morning, my Dad - encouraged by my sister - decided not to go ahead with the admission. My sister, who has done some 'caring' in her life with non-relatives (though she has no actual qualifications) said that she would come up to my parents' house every morning and toilet, shower, dress and prepare breakfast for my Mum every day. My Dad had already said how much He would miss Mum if/when She went into a home, even though He had told me many times that He was finding it harder and harder to look after Her, so I was not surprised that my sister's "offer" appealed to him. I felt it was the wrong decision, because we had already gone through the pain of Her having to go into a home, and it was only postponing the inevitable. By early afternoon that day, My Mum had had to have two changes of clothing due to double incontinence, and my Dad and sister were realising their mistake. I had to do something, so I took the initiative two weeks ago. First, I contacted the home that She was due to be admitted to on 15 June. They said they could no longer accept Mum as they had received a copy of the specialist doctor's report, indicating severe dementia. The home is not registered for severe dementia sufferers. In reality, they conceded that, had she been admitted as originally planned on 15 June, they would not have moved Her on but would have seen how She settled there. It felt like an opportunity lost. I then spent two days ringing-around and visiting homes as close as possible to where my parents live. I could only find one place, the home's manager visited to assess my Mum for admission, and accepted Her, so Mum's admission there was set for Monday 6 July. We visited the home with Her a few days before Her admission to see what she felt about the place. She seemed to feel OK about it and chose the room that would be Her's. The home has a good reputation and has won awards, etc. We took Mum there for admission one week ago today. Either my Dad or I have visited Her at least once a day/evening since. My one reservation has been that my Mum has always been a fussy eater, but it's early days and we need to see how it goes. On the other hand, my Dad has been missing Mum badly and fretting, and appearing to be looking for negatives (eg. lack of constant supervision), almost appearing to want Her to go back to their house (even though He kept saying he couldn't cope and his own physical and mental health has been deteriorating). Yesterday, my sister joined-in, and said she also felt Mum should leave the home and go home. I told her that I disagreed, only to be greeted with a tirade from Her saying that I had obviously moved-on and didn't care. I have honestly never been so hurt in all my life, because it could not be further from the truth. But then my sister has always been a good one for finding problems and fault, but short on solutions. I did put this to my Dad: my sister has a house with a downstairs toilet, her two children live with her but are grown-up, and she thinks of herself as a 'carer'. She told Dad she had the two children to look-after! I hate the way this awful condition has also created family friction. Even though my sister said the hurtful things to/about me, I don't want to fall out with her, because it will only make things worse, won't get any of us anywhere, and will also annoy my Dad. Does any of this resonate with any of you? I know there is no ideal outcome with any of this, but making the best of an awful situation. Thank you for reading and, if any of you do respond with comments or advice, thank you in advance. G.