Mother with dementia.

[Davidgb32]

Good afternoon.
I am enquiring on behalf of my dad.
My Nana is 87 and suffering with dementia/alzheimers.

She is very stubborn and my dad is the only family member she has.
Recently she has demonstrated some very unreasonable behaviour towards her neighbours; Throwing things over the fence and my Nana being abusive towards them resulting in the police being called.
Fortunately the neighbours have not pressed charges.

We have tried taking her to the doctors and they have given her Respiradone. However she tries to throw away the medication so my dad has been driving 30 miles to go see her every morning to get her to take her medication but he cannot carry on doing this because he has to work. We all have jobs that have long hours and its just not feasible.
The doctor came today to do a home visit today and she wouldn't answer any of his questions about where she lives or where she was born. she just looks away and wont answer.

The doctor has instructed that a nurse visit her daily but she will not let anyone in the house except my dad. We've tried me going over as well but she wont let me in either.
She also thinks that my dad is her husband. She calls my mum the "other woman" and thinks my dad is having an affair with my mum.
She is not sociable at all and will not go to any groups.

My dad is really struggling and desperately needs help.
How can we make sure she is taking her medication? she throws all other medication in the rubbish bin.
I'm sure she doesn't eat or drink and she definitely doesn't wash herself or her clothes.
I believe the only other option is for her to go into a home. We've found her a lovely place for her to go in to.
My dad is currently making appointments to see about getting her into a home but she is adamant she will not go into a home. (she has previously left the gas on but luckily my dad smelt it and turned it off)

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

 

[cragmaid]

Hello and welcome, sorry you have come to join us.
It sounds to me that Nanna has possible developed a UTI which can cause irrational behaviour out of the blue, but since she won't take meds, it won't help if she is prescribed antibiotics and won't take them.
I don't know if it has happened but I would suggest that she is assessed by her Local Authority Social Care for a Needs Assessment.
I would also tell her that if she is not going to have help in the house, because Dad cannot be there 24/7 she is going to end up in Residential Care and the Police or the LA might have to make her go. It will be better for her if she can help to " choose" a home, but if it has to be Dad's / LA choice then so be it.
I know it sounds harsh to be saying this, but for her safety and the peace of the rest of the family, something must change.

 

[jknight]

Have you considered a key safe outside the front door? Share the code with people who need access (carers, nurse, doctor etc) Once people are with her she might be more cooperative. Getting carers in would ease the burden on your dad and could give her longer in her own home.