Mother with dementia final stage

[Lisaob]

Hi - new to this forum.
Our mother walked into a care home last October after being diagnosed a few months earlier with dementia. She is now in bed all the time, sleeping mostly and is taking jelly and very little fluid - average 200-600ml daily.
we have been told next step will be when she refuses all of the above. She is a very very thin lady.
I have returned to Uk to spend time with her but have to return in 7 days and due to return again 3 weeks later. So scared something will happen in the meantime. Especially due to covid etc and travel restrictions. I am only one hour flight away. We just want to know how long she can continue like this. She never wanted to be in this situation.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome @Lisaob

I'm sorry to read about your circumstances. Unfortunately, there isn't an answer to this as people can rally and fade for quite some time. It's best to stay in contact with the Home as they are the people 'on the ground', so as to speak.

The members here will give you support at this difficult time so do keep posting.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Lisaob

I'm sorry to see your mum has deteriorated so quickly. As @karaokePete has mentioned, it is very difficult to know how long this may go on. Some people do rally and start eating and drinking more again. My mum has rallied twice in the past 6 months or so but has now been at this sort of twilight "end of life" stage for 12 weeks. She sleeps most of the time now too and I tend to just gently brush her hair when I visit, which seems soothing.

I hope at least your mum is peaceful. All you can do is visit her when you can and trust the care home staff to look after her on your behalf when you are not able to be there. They will no doubt have arranged for any medication that may be needed just in case?

Let us know how your visits go. I'm sorry, it's such a difficult time. I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

 

[Lisaob]

Hello @Lisaob

I'm sorry to see your mum has deteriorated so quickly. As @karaokePete has mentioned, it is very difficult to know how long this may go on. Some people do rally and start eating and drinking more again. My mum has rallied twice in the past 6 months or so but has now been at this sort of twilight "end of life" stage for 12 weeks. She sleeps most of the time now too and I tend to just gently brush her hair when I visit, which seems soothing.

I hope at least your mum is peaceful. All you can do is visit her when you can and trust the care home staff to look after her on your behalf when you are not able to be there. They will no doubt have arranged for any medication that may be needed just in case?

Let us know how your visits go. I'm sorry, it's such a difficult time. I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

Thank you - yes medication has been ordered and is ready should they require. Stronger medication is being supplied tomorrow as bed sores are now coming and she seems agitated. Now weighs 5 stone.

 

[Lisaob]

Hello and welcome @Lisaob

I'm sorry to read about your circumstances. Unfortunately, there isn't an answer to this as people can rally and fade for quite some time. It's best to stay in contact with the Home as they are the people 'on the ground', so as to speak.

The members here will give you support at this difficult time so do keep posting.

Thank you

 

[Roseric]

Hi - new to this forum.
Our mother walked into a care home last October after being diagnosed a few months earlier with dementia. She is now in bed all the time, sleeping mostly and is taking jelly and very little fluid - average 200-600ml daily.
we have been told next step will be when she refuses all of the above. She is a very very thin lady.
I have returned to Uk to spend time with her but have to return in 7 days and due to return again 3 weeks later. So scared something will happen in the meantime. Especially due to covid etc and travel restrictions. I am only one hour flight away. We just want to know how long she can continue like this. She never wanted to be in this situation.

This is nearly identical to my situaton mum found out last year went in november has really bad days but is still eating sleeps a lot can walk with a frame so shes late but not end however i feel shes not far from your mums stage may i ask how old is your mum

 

[Linton]

Hi..my husband passed away on Tuesday at home after three months of decline..rallies briefly and was able to get up and walk for a short time then the decline started again. Not eating or drinking he soon lost loads of weight and was sleeping more..I did have a care package in place to help but I have to admit there were times when I wondered if I had done the right thing keeping at home..we did have good moments when I could say goodbye..but it was very stressful and upsetting for all the family.. I now feel guilt as it is a relief which I know is silly as I didn’t want it to go on longer for him…the whole journey now looking back over the years I looked after him seems impossible I did it but we did have some very lovely moments along the way I cherish..love to everyone going through the same ❤️❤️

 

[Shedrech]

sad news @Linton
my condolences on your loss
you did so well by your husband
I do understand how you can feel relief, I felt the same with my dad; it was his time and I couldn't want that he stayed with us as he was then ... your husband is at peace, and there's no guilt to feel in being grateful for that
keep those lovely moments close to your heart, I hope there's some comfort in them

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Hi..my husband passed away on Tuesday at home after three months of decline..rallies briefly and was able to get up and walk for a short time then the decline started again. Not eating or drinking he soon lost loads of weight and was sleeping more..I did have a care package in place to help but I have to admit there were times when I wondered if I had done the right thing keeping at home..we did have good moments when I could say goodbye..but it was very stressful and upsetting for all the family.. I now feel guilt as it is a relief which I know is silly as I didn’t want it to go on longer for him…the whole journey now looking back over the years I looked after him seems impossible I did it but we did have some very lovely moments along the way I cherish..love to everyone going through the same ❤️❤️

My sincere condolences @Linton I lost my dad in January this year it still feels very raw. Dad also lost lots of weight at the end not that he was very big anyway. I was unable to be with dad at the very end and he passed around four hours after my visit to the care home which he went into in October 2020. Dad had a positive Covid test result back day before he passed he was already deemed End of Life because of his advanced dementia. I was only allowed a very brief visit once the test was back but until then visits were as long as I wanted so I spent as much time as I could with him. It still absolutely breaks my heart that my dad was actually alone in his room when he passed and that I missed his funeral as caught covid from him and was really unwell. Whatever decisions you made you did what you felt was best at the time. I can tell you my emotions are still up and down and likely you will be the same. Take care and remember all your lovely memories as I try to when thinking of my dad.

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Hi - new to this forum.
Our mother walked into a care home last October after being diagnosed a few months earlier with dementia. She is now in bed all the time, sleeping mostly and is taking jelly and very little fluid - average 200-600ml daily.
we have been told next step will be when she refuses all of the above. She is a very very thin lady.
I have returned to Uk to spend time with her but have to return in 7 days and due to return again 3 weeks later. So scared something will happen in the meantime. Especially due to covid etc and travel restrictions. I am only one hour flight away. We just want to know how long she can continue like this. She never wanted to be in this situation.

Hello @Lisaob,
My dad also walked into a care home from my car in October 2020 he had mixed dementia and carers could no longer look after him at home. My dad had stopped eating much beyond breakfast and was admitted to a care home for assessment. Dads health declined rapidly once there and sadly I lost dad in January 2021. My dad barely ate anything once in the care home and was admitted to hospital some three weeks later for just over two weeks and then back to care home as official End of Life but reality is his decline has been going on for a while at home so wasn't the care homes fault. As other people have said how quickly someone declines to End of Life is difficult to say but it dads case he passed 8 weeks after going into a care home. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Linton]

My sincere condolences @Linton I lost my dad in January this year it still feels very raw. Dad also lost lots of weight at the end not that he was very big anyway. I was unable to be with dad at the very end and he passed around four hours after my visit to the care home which he went into in October 2020. Dad had a positive Covid test result back day before he passed he was already deemed End of Life because of his advanced dementia. I was only allowed a very brief visit once the test was back but until then visits were as long as I wanted so I spent as much time as I could with him. It still absolutely breaks my heart that my dad was actually alone in his room when he passed and that I missed his funeral as caught covid from him and was really unwell. Whatever decisions you made you did what you felt was best at the time. I can tell you my emotions are still up and down and likely you will be the same. Take care and remember all your lovely memories as I try to when thinking of my dad.

Thanks @Wildflower for your thoughts..I m sorry for you’re loss and I’m sure we share the same ups and downs..but as you say when I get past the end of his life I try to remember all the great memories we shared over our 61 years together ..love to all who share this???

 

[nellbelles]

@Linton my sincere condolences to you and your family

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss @Linton. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.